Job vs Career

I know I missed my calling...I did not grow up thinking "yeah, I want to be a generic government employee". 

My life was on a downward spiral until I got pregnant at 16, so I consider myself very fortunate that I've gotten as far as I have. I don't think I would have even graduated from high school if it weren't for my son. I knew from my first day of morning sickness that I was not going to be like all the other teenage moms I knew (welfare).  I got my GED, took an admin assistant course, and I've slowly moved up the chain of better paying jobs ever since. Turns out though, I have a "job", not a career...and it's a job that does nothing for me, is never going to get me anywhere close to being fulfilled and will probably turn me into stereotypical lazy, whiny government employee within a few more years...or less.

I don't know if it's because I'm almost thirty (OMG!) or if it's all this yoga but these last few months have been a mentally draining, roller coaster of a ride for me.  I find myself searching the internet for hours on all sorts of life topics. I've been reading "deeper" books, instead of my typical murder mysteries (we all know who did it anyway!)

Marriage, work, kids, family issues, friends, money...all things that just months ago really used to really stress me out.  Divorce was a common word.  I left work ready to pull my hair out. My son was growing horns and a little devil tail. Don't get me wrong, it's not all sugar and lollipops but I can see a big bright light at the end of the tunnel.  No, not THAT light. I just know that whatever life brings, I will deal with it to the best of my ability and move on!

It's also made me question why am I wasting my time in a shitty job that I hate? I just left a job that I loved, but stressed me out. Now I'm in a job I hate but it's so relaxed I could practically fall asleep.  I know I'm smarter than that. I know I am more valuable than that. I am better than this crappy job.

I think about going back to school all the time.  But how can I do that? I can't afford it. Would it work? Could I do it? Probably not, at least not without a huge financial sacrifice. 
Then I go back to watching Glee and forget about it til next week... 

I've always wanted to be a nurse. NICU or labor & delivery. But now,  I really feel like my time is up. That dream is over. One or two years of upgrading, 4 years of university...I'd be over 35 and starting a new CAREER but also tied down with student loans.  I would love, love, love to be either of those.  Birth fascinates me.  I've experienced it twice on my own, and have been privileged enough to be with two of my friends while they gave birth. Something about being there, in the first moments of life, is very spiritual and calming to me.  I like being there to help, to calm, to be part of the experience.  I coulda, shoulda, woulda...
.
Now, as I sit here watching the election, I find myself surfing NSCC courses and thinking maybe it would be a pleasant detour in life to take some courses. It may not be nursing, but they have mental health recovery programs, another soft spot in my heart.  My biological father is bipolar. I've had my fair share of exposure to "crazy". I've been through the rages of teenage years. Drug use, sex, alcohol, juvenile detention.  I've been there, done that in a lot of situations.  I feel like I could offer something to someone out there who needs help. It's a hell of lot cheaper, less time, and less pre-requirements. Hmmm...

Week 5 of our LYM Challenge is to "Reach Out". Part of that is looking at volunteer options. This may be the next step in my life towards something better. Something to make me feel more useful. It's like that feeling of not being complete. I have the husband, I have the kids, and the house and the car.  I have the dog, and the cat too.  All I am missing is the opportunity to help others, and in turn help myself.

Always desire to learn something useful...