**The people, places and events depicted in this story are fictional, I swear ;-)**
Painting Lovers
It was a quiet day in the neighbourhood. Birds were chirping, the crazy drunk neighbour was gone, there was a slight breeze. What a lovely day for some painting, thought the wife. “We should paint the stairway today”, said the always charming wife. Her name was Fendi, and she was glowing at the thought of a freshly painted hallway. Her flowing locks of succulent brown hair brushed the sides of her face. Her luscious lips glistened as she smiled with delight. “It will be so nice to have clean walls, minus the kids’ handprints!!” Rod, her lazy husband, immediately frowned and Fendi watched as all forms of happiness left his body. You see, Rod has a hatred for painting. He hates painting so much that he’s been known to pay random people to come in and paint for him. He’s also known for trying to take credit for previously mentioned painting, therefore believing that he’s already done his fair share of painting in the house and should not be required to do more.
This story begins a few years back. Fendi also has no desire for a day’s worth of work; taping and cutting-in are her enemy. But like a good home keeper, Fendi also knows that there are some things in life that MUST be done in order to maintain a nice household. So in the last six years that Fendi and Rod have lived on Africa Street, Fendi has painted two bathrooms, two bedrooms (one of them twice), and the living room, ohh, and the basement has been painting, including the stairs and foundation. Rod has painted one wall in said house….and paid a random dude to paint one bedroom. So you can see how Fendi may or may not have been a little distressed by his lack of enthusiasm.
Fendi was even nice and suggested they go out for breakfast first. What better way to start the day than some fresh fruit and a breakfast skillet?? Well, Rod didn’t want to go for breakfast. Rod wanted to sulk around the house whining about painting. So Fendi said, “Ok, let’s just get started”. All of a sudden, Rod decided he was indeed hungry and thought he would make himself something to eat first. Turns out that Fendi had been neglecting her wife-duties and forgot to get groceries. So after a little bit more whining, it was decided. They were going for breakfast!
Breakfast was delicious, and killed an hour of procrastination for Rod. Win-Win. After a quick coffee run, it was time to get down to business. Oh, but wait…Rod needed to sit and relax for a few minutes first. Then, Rod needed to go find rags for the ladder ends so they would dirty the wall. Then Rod needed to sit again. Then Rod carried in the ladders, set them up, and realized it wasn’t going to work. The walls are just too high. Rod waited, and waiting for Fendi to say “Oh sweetie, this seems like a lot of work, maybe we shouldn’t bother”. But to no avail…Fendi just kept motoring on. She suggested he go buy some 2x8 boards to use as planks so off Rod went to the wood store to get some. By the time Rod got back he was exhausted and for sure had earned a break now!! A few more hours of procrastination…
Down to business now, breaks were over, the sun was shining and there was a certain motorcycle calling Rod’s name…”Rod, I know you want to ride me”….”Rod, take me out for a drive”….But like a good husband, Rod knew the painting came first.
Suddenly, energy levels were at an all time high. Planks were up, ceiling was taped, and the cutting-in was done in the blink of an eye. Boom, just like that!
Next came the rolling, and much to Rod’s disapproval, Fendi was trying to save some money so she’d bought “Dollarstore” paint rollers. The rollers will not roll. Turns out, this ONE time, Fendi was in error. You see, Fendi ALWAYS buys the rollers from the dollarstore so she can dispose of rollers immediately in the trash and not feel guilty about not washing and reusing. (I know, I know, Fendi should be more environmentally friends, but Rod has yet to install the washtub in the basement that’s been sitting there for four years so she has no where to wash the stuff) This is the first time Fendi has had such issues.
So, off Rod goes back to the store to get rollers. “My goodness, he’s gone a long time”, thought Fendi, “I hope he’s ok”. Fendi waited and waited and then finally she saw the truck coming down the road. “Oh darling, I was frantic with worry”, said Fendi to Rod. “Oh, I bought some more stuff for the basement!”, proclaimed Rod, with excitement. “But you went for rollers?”…“Oh yeah, I got rollers, and 2x4’s for the basement….and THIS!!!” Rod pulls out a heavy-duty roller extension. “This is going to be the cat-ass”. Little does he know that Fendi is thinking ahead to all the future paint projects they can conquer….CEILINGS!!
The next hour or so flies by as Fendi and Rod paint like a happy little couple. No bickering, no fighting, just love. This heavy-duty extension thingy is a marriage saver! Hey, bada-boom-bada-bing….they were done!! Just a few more rolls of the roller when…..”F#CK”.
Oopsy, Rod made a boo-boo and got paint on the BRAND NEW LIGHT FIXTURE that he’d installed the week before. Fendi immediately bites her tongue. The woman only speaks when spoken too. She shall mind her business. To lighten the mood, she says, “Its okay pumpkin, we can wash it off”. This accident set Rod back a step or two on the attitude scale. But it’s really not that bad is it?! Nothing a little elbow grease can’t fix….
The first coat is on, the ladders are down, the mess is cleaned up, and Fendi cooks a delicious pasta dinner for her husband before she so graciously allows him to go for a bike ride. The second coat will wait until the following weekend when they can do it all over again!!!
Coming next week: Painting Lovers Part Two: When Lovers Attack.
