Monday 19 December 2011

Above The Law...

So apparently, if you are a drunk driving police officer in HRM you get a paid-vacation for your stupidity.  I blame the unions, well I blame the asshole that drove drunk, but more, I blame the unions.  How is it even possible that you can drive drunk, in a police cruiser, crash, get arrested....and then get a suspension WITH pay?!  .........UNIONS.......

I understand that we all have rights, human rights, civil rights, but impaired rights? NO! Unless it's visually or hearing...your drunk ass doesn't deserve rights.

The CUPE Union collective agreements states that there is a principle of innocence...the good ol' innocent until proven guilty.  I'm no judge and jury...but I'm pretty sure you don't get arrested, and charged with impaired if you are in fact sober?  Therefore, you ARE guilty.   So why the suspension with pay? Because the union is there to protect your ass.

We are public servants, there is a certain extra something-something required of us.  One...follow the rules.  Two...don't do stupid stuff that looks bad on your employer (i.e. the government).  Three...as a cop, doesn't serve and protect come into play? 

How are you protecting me by being one more drunk idiot on the road?  The union protects your rights, but who protects mine?  You are a police officer, you broke the law, you could have killed someone, you deserve to be fired. 

Perhaps, if we actually started making examples out you douchebags we might just become a better world. 

There are cases of child pornography on work computers, and the employee still keeps their job.  Why?  Unions.

I worked with a guy who literally fell out of his chair multiple times from being so drunk, he's been given a gazillion opportunities to seek help, but didn't, and he still keeps his job.  Why?  Unions. 

There have been cases of complete violence in the workplace, does that guy lose his job?!  Nope...he gets transferred to a different department.  Out of sight, out of mind....thank you unions, now some other poor souls can deal with it!

Heaven forbid his rights be violated....mine, pfftt...who cares??

Sure, the unions fight for our rights to vacation, sick leave, pay increases.  But they also protect the pooch-screwers, criminals, and anyone else who feels above the law. They charge us a fortune, lure us into complacency by making us think we don't have to work hard for our money.  They give us the excuse to say "not my job", they cover our asses when we break the rules, and hell....if you are an HRM police officer they pay you while you sit on your ass over the holidays until your court date!!

Don't even get me started on the cabinet ministers....more assholes breaking rules, and thinking the rules don't apply to them.

(Insert additional rant about Mr. Peter Mackay here...as a federal government employee I'm not "allowed" to speak badly about my employer in a public venue so I can't do it myself)


Friday 16 December 2011

Top 10 for 2012

We all make them, we all break them, and then we all feel bad for the rest of the year. Yep, you know what I’m talking about…New Year’s Resolutions.  I found a website that lists the Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions. The list was very overwhelming, and too broad to accomplish.  Too much pressure! So I’ve modified it to be effortless.
With the Holidays behind us, don’t we all deserve some stress free times?

My recommended Top 10 New Year’s Resolution list:

  1. Spend more time with Family & Friends:
    • Lose the guilt about family time. Chances are they don’t want to spend that much time with you either!
  2. Fit in Fitness:
    • Walking to and from your car counts, if you are fortunate enough to work on the 2nd floor or higher that doubles your calories burned.  Also, if you move the remote further away from you, the reach to change the channel is triple.
  3. Tame the Bulge:
    • Stomach fat is bad, but butt fat is ok, so when eating Christmas leftovers just use motivational speaking to will the calories to go right to your thighs. Besides, in some cultures bigger is better!
  4. Quit Smoking:
    • We all know smoking is bad, if you smoke put it out one or two puffs early.  I’m not a doctor, but I’m sure this will add at least a week to your life. If you don’t smoke…bonus!  This just means you have fewer resolutions to work on.
  5. Enjoy Life More:
    • Life should be enjoyed…enjoy paying bills, enjoy traffic, enjoy doing laundry.  This means you have a job, a car, and a house.  Some people don’t…
  6. Quit Drinking:
    • Pfft…water, who needs it anyway?! 
  7. Get Out of Debt:
    • What’s the point? The second you pay off your car you know it’s going to break!  Keep those payments low, and miss a few every once in a while…that’s a guaranteed way to keep your car running!
  8. Learn Something New:
    • The Norwalk virus (the virus that causes the stomach flu) can survive on an uncleaned carpet for a month or more. (#8, DONE! Check that off your list of resolution accomplishments! You’re welcome!)
  9. Help Others:
    • Bring me coffee, cookies, any sort of treat.  That will help me survive my day, therefore helping you complete a resolution. Win-win for both of us!
  10.   Get Organized:
    • When in doubt….throw it out.  With all the money you’ve saved from missing car payments you can just buy it again if necessary.

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution. ~ Jay Leno

Wednesday 14 December 2011

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire...

I caved and bought a cell phone for my son for Christmas. Sort of like kill-two-birds....I want him to have one anyway so I can get ahold of him, and he wants one to not be the only kid in school without him so it's a win-win. I'm partially terrified that this is going to be the last time I see my son...between the Xbox, computer and cell phone he'll have no reason to leave the basement except for to eat supper.

He walks home from school, about 45 minutes (uphill both ways, with no shoes.)....so it's definitely a requirement. Plus he walks in the "North End"..........whoooooo.......so really I should provide him with a cell phone and a bullet proof vest.

Basically, I just want to be able to find him if necessary between school and home.  There have been a few days that I thought I would be nice and pick him up but I end up spending 45 minutes driving up and down the roads trying to find him.  He never seems to take the same route twice...I guess he's trying to fool the kidnappers or something because you can't track him if you tried.  Now, if they would actually come up with a tracking device implant that would make my life so much easier!

Point of this story...I bought the damn phone.

So I take the bag home and since I don't have time to wrap it, I throw it in my closet with plans to wrap it later on that night.  I go out for a few hours and when I get home Jeremy says "I found the phone".......WTF!?  Seriously???  What is wrong with my child?   Doesn't he know you NEVER admit to snooping, and you definitely never admit to finding Christmas presents!  His friend laughed his ass off telling me all about how Jeremy found the phone, and freaked and threw it to the back of the closet cause he thought he'd get in trouble.  You'd think the two of them would have come up with a master plan...

I'm not sure if he'll ever really get that there are these little things called.....lies.  He's been like this since birth.  I used to say "once Barney is over it's time for bed"....and like the good mommy I am I would forget about bedtime, and he would always come running to inform me that Barney was over.  I would go "oh, yeah, ok...bedtime"........and he'd lose his mind!  Why he never figured out to just keep quiet is beyond me.  I'm sure he could have squeezed out at least an hour or two before I remembered.  Of course because I was busy baking, and cleaning, and ironing shirts...

Don't be fooled.  He lies...like "I'm not sure why there's a bag of popcorn dumped all over the floor, it must have walked itself downstairs to the food free zone and dumped itself". But they are usually only to get himself out of cleaning, or having to help out. He gets annoyed that I screen my calls, thinks its wrong to say "I don't have kids" when the creepy door-to-door photographer tries to sell us portrait settings, and don't get me started on trying to lie to people when he's around, he'll correct you...and it's embarrassing.  Nothing like having to prep your child that you are about to tell a lie and he needs to shut his mouth...

Not that I would encourage him to lie...but again..........what the hell is wrong with him?!  I knew most of my Christmas presents weeks before Christmas but I never went running to Mom to tell her I knew what I was getting. The whole point of snooping is to not get caught.  It's not like I would ever admit that I used to pull the tape back ever-so-gently so I could see what was inside the wrapping.  It's not like I would ever call myself out like that....what?  Ahhh...shit.  Sorry Mommy!!

It would be like snooping through the medicine cabinet at a friend's house (we all do it, come on!!) and then saying "ah, I see you have hemorroids...that sucks!".  Or telling your boss that you looked at their pay stub while they weren't looking and now you're really expecting a bonus.  Who flat out tells their mother that they found a Christmas present?!?

He didn't even have to lie, he just needed to neglect to tell me....how hard is that?

Lies come in handy...whether it's to get out of a speeding ticket, or saying "Oh yes that was great for me too"......a little white lie never hurt anyone.

I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump.
After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room.
The triage nurse asked for my height and weight, and
 I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight and 125 pounds."
While the nurse pondered this information, my mother leaned over to me.
"Sweetheart," she gently chided,
"this is not the Internet."


Sunday 11 December 2011

So that's what it looks like...

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I love Yin yoga, it's all about working on the connective tissues and does wonders for my 80yr old hips. I've had massive issues with my hips and lower joints since I was pregnant with Grace.  I'm sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the 70+ pounds I gained while I was pregnant with her...

The pain keeps me up a lot and stops me from doing a lot of stuff. It's a catch-22. It hurts to exercise though exercise makes it feel better, but then worse all at the same time. I tried Yin probably 6 months ago or so and fell in love!!  The poses are held for 3-5 minutes each so you get a good deep stretch.  I leave class feeling so relaxed and sleep like a gravol-fed baby.  However, it usually only lasts a few days, and then I'm back to my regular 80yr old self.  I really should do them every night, but well we all know how well that goes....me and consistency do not go well together.

Imagine my excitement when I saw that Emilie was doing a Yin-Yang class. Two hours! Sign me up!  A little yin, a little yang (regular yoga)....and some meditation.  I'm not really a meditation type of person...frankly, I don't get it.  It seems to me like daydreaming...which I do quite regularly at work...so hey, I'll give it a go! 

She says she doesn't want us to face the mirrors and I was like SCORE!! I hate looking at myself anyway so we turn around and begin class.  Breathing exercises, some meditation stuff...I still don't "get it", but it was relaxing so maybe that's the point!?  She starts with some yin poses, and I'm lovin' it!  Feeling the stretch in my hips is like the big "O"...it makes me sleepy and happy.

She says we're going to ease into some yang poses, which I'm really ready for cause I'm all stretched out and limber!  Yeah, I should have known, Emilie and 'ease' don't go hand in hand.  She is like the drill sergeant of yoga (in a good way), and we GO GO GO!!!  Updog, down dog, plank, up, down, back, up, down, cat stretch, down again. REPEAT! Pheww....I'm dying already and it's like 3 mins into the yang part.  I'm being all yogi-minded and not judging myself.  I can do this!! I've done Emilie's classes before and survived!! I'm gonna rock this class!

Then it happened....

During a downward-dog, I catch a glimpse of myself between my legs in the mirror.  Remember we are backwards now so while in down dog instead of looking at the back of the room we are now looking at the front, the mirrors, so it was not a nice glimpse.  An "OMG, my ass is a foot away from the mirror...and I'm bent over looking at it, upside down, with my legs hip-width apart.".......WTF?!?  Is that really what it looks like?!  Wait a minute...If I can see my ass....so can the rest of the back row.  So now I'm up/down/up/down...all the while looking at my ass (and of course all the other asses).  I have no watch on, but I'm sure I still have at least 1.5 hrs of ass in my face left.  Is she trying to ruin me forever?!?!  I don't like being front row for a reason...and now my ass is front row for all to see?! 


 (NOT WHAT I LOOK LIKE!!!)

It reminded me of an episode of "The Golden Girls" where they talk about how you should bend over and look at your face in a mirror....that is how you'd look when you are...hmmm..."on top".  I almost died at the thought of it, and started having flash backs of any times I was ever "bent over", ever in my life. (I'm leaving it at that...ya'll know what I mean). 

Thankfully that part of class didn't last as long as I'd expected and we get right back to the yin, and finally more meditation.  I don't know what she did...I'm pretty sure she hypnotised me, but I actually caught myself smiling, and nodding off into la-la-land while sitting upright.  Is that possible?! She took me to my happy place, and that's all that matters...she probably does have magical drill sergeant skills though.  All the teachers are magical in one way or another...

I can't wait to see if she does another, I'll definitely be the first to sign up...and then the first to grab a spot AWAY from the mirrors!

Monday 28 November 2011

Happy Anniversary!!

Today I celebrate my 365th day of being a yogi!
Though I haven't practised every single day, it's definitely been a life changing year for me.  The practise of yoga has taught me patience, it's given me a greater understanding of the meaning of life, it's made me a kinder, more spiritual person, and oh, did I mention more patient?!  Cause that part is HUGE!!

It's sort of like it was meant to be. Me & Yoga. Yoga & Me.  I am a hot-head. I flip out, I scream, I yell, I throw things....so duck if I'm ever really mad!  But in comes yoga, and it's like I don't have the (negative) energy to go through that crap any more.  I still fight, and yell, but I don't really remember the last time I threw something, and the yelling is almost none existent.  Just ask the hubby, in the latest round of fights they were calm, more talking, less screaming.  Now, if I can just work on not spewing out harsh words like a volcano I will have progressed to Master Yogi!! ;-)  Even though I'm not much of a yeller anymore, there's still the whole sticks-n-stones aspect to me.  I can chuck out some mean things when I feel back into a corner.

If it wasn't for yoga, I never would have started this blog.  It was supposed to be to track the Living Your Moksha challenge, and turned out to be a great place for me to vent and share my feelings.  Knowing that I write about stuff that other people can relate too is a blessing, it gives me the warm and fuzzy...plus it's a bonus knowing it's not just my mom reading it. (Yeah yeah mom...)

The breathing practises have even helped me sleep better.  I've spoken of this before, but what used to be an hour to get to sleep is now, literally, a few deep breaths.

I even noticed over the summer that even my reading preferences have changed.  I used to be obsessed with James Patterson....to the point that all the books starting blending together and I couldn't remember if I'd read the book or not.  I was blowing thru at least one book a week, sometimes more.  I had this moment of "why am I wasting my time?"...no disrespect to James Patterson (as if he reads this anyway!)....but they are all the same. The method they die, and the location changes, but other than that it's always...murder victim, family drama, love interest, twist in the plot, murder solved, the end.  A friend recommended "My Secret Daughter", so I figured I'd give it a go, spread my wings a little.  Well I was hooked! So heartbreaking, and heartwarming all at the same time. After I was done I picked up another James Patterson book, but it just wasn't the same.  I only managed 10 or so pages and gave up. I need more soul, more substance, more AH-HA!!  I've moved on from JP, and haven't looked back....

I've fallen in love with plenty of yoga teachers. Some have guided me through my own feelings, others have pushed me to actually complete the ab exercises, but they've all touched me in some way.  Whether it's because they leave me sobbing on the floor because I just had an Ah-Ha moment or because my thighs are burning so badly....they've grown to be like a second family.   My yoga sisters and brothers.

I've made yoga friends, most I don't even really know, I couldn't even tell you some of their names, but there's always a friendly face, and we can talk the yoga-talk without the crazy eye rolls of our non-yoga friends.

Plus, once you've been all sweaty with people it's hard not to feel a bond!

So here's to another year of sweating, and tears, and laughs. Thanks for changing my life Moksha Yoga Dartmouth!!

"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; for it becomes your destiny."
- Upanishads

Monday 21 November 2011

Tis The Season...

To be overwhelmed by Christmas lists, the need to please, and the feeling of guilty.
It's the Holidays!!!!!!!!!

I'm not really sure when Christmas became such a commercialized occasion. Google tells me it was around the 20th century...which doesn't help me because history bores me to death. It could be the early 1900's or back when dinosaurs roamed the earth....I really have no clue. 

I'm not a religious person by any means.  I suppose I consider myself to be a spiritual person, but I never really understood or believed in the whole process of religion.  I fully have respect for those that do, but for me I guess I will find out what's true or not true when I die. I pray, just not necessarily to their God, I follow the commandments (I can't name them all but I'm sure I follow them).  My theory, take it with a grain of salt, is the bible is a story.  And we all know how stories go...as time goes on, the story gets exaggerated, and little bits are always added or removed.  Like the telephone game...I'm sure parts of it are true, and I'm sure parts of it are false. Geez...as I type, I'm already thinking of a few people reading this and hoping they understand I mean no disrespect.

I feel like we (society) stole Christmas from the true believers, Christians.  Wasn't it meant to be their time to celebrate Jesus?  How did Barbie and Mario Brothers get involved in this? Who invited Walmart to the Jesus celebration? Why do we all feel like we MUST buy presents for every person we run in to?

I go through this every single year. Christmas is not supposed to be about who spends what on who, or who gets the better present.  Don't get me wrong, I love a good present, but I would rather a thoughtful present than a gift card.  Giving a gift that means something to someone you love is much better than buying a crappy toy for someone that will likely break before New Years.   If I could go back and add up all the piece of shit toys I bought for the kids I'm sure I could fill up a warehouse.

Did Jeremy need the 3-foot Transformer I bought him when he was two? He was too small to even play with it, and by the time he could carry it around he didn't like Transformers anymore. Waste of time.  It's a waste of money too, money that I could have used on more important things...like yoga and purses. 

The dreaded list...I make one every year.  Jeremy, Grace, my mom, my grandparents, in-laws, friends, friend's of the kids, neighbors, co-workers, the teachers, the daycare teachers, every random gift exchange we have to buy for....the list goes on and on. I love the process of buying, wrapping, and giving the presents.  If I find you something I think you'll love, then I just go for it!  No pressure, no scanning prices, no worries...

I truly feel that if I can't give you a present that I think you'll LOVE, then I don't know you well enough and you shouldn't be on my list! If all I can think of is a gift card, well then you are probably getting banished from the list next year. And you should understand that as I expect the same thing.

Then add on ALL the charities that you MUST give money to or risk the eyes of "how dare you not give to _______  organization, what a bad person you are". Nobody ever considers when you say "NO" that you may have just given a donation to a different organization.  At work, we support the United Way...this time of year, they do 50/50 draws, pot lucks, gift donations, pay check deductions, BBQ's, and if you don't give money every single time you get looked at like you are Scrooge.  Please pay attention to how you treat the ones who say "No"....it takes a lot to say no....but I'm not saying no to charity, I'm saying no to that particular charity at that particular time.  I'm not cheap, I'm not selfish, or greedy....I just can't do it all, all of the time.  Or I'll be the next charity you are raising donations for!! Life's not cheap, especially around the holidays.

Ever notice that the pictures people post on facebook are typical the presents?  There's a shot of all the gifts wrapped up and placed under the tree.  But that's not enough, they must also line the couch, and stack the gifts as high as they'll go.  We must prove we love our children by making sure they are overwhelmed with presents.  The higher the presents, the more we love our kids.  Next comes the pictures of the kids opening all the presents.  Then there's the picture of the child in the middle of all their glorious gifts that Mommy and Daddy maxed out their credit cards for.  Then that's it...No pictures of family or friends, just presents, presents, and more presents.   Been there, done that...still paying off my credits cards from last year, and the year before, and the year before.  The toys are long gone and broken, but at least the kids knew we loved them lots that year!!

I just want to see my family and friends.  I do not want to be rushing in to the mall the week before Christmas just to grab you a gift card because I'm going to feel guilty if I don't get you something. I know I'm not the only one that feels that way, so why can't we say to each other....let's just forgo the gifts and hang out over coffee?

We've tried the "don't get us anything, cause we aren't getting you anything" speech, and that always backfires.  We show up, and go figure....there's a present.  Nothing like instant guilt and embarrassment.  Cookies, fine.  A handmade something or other, great.  But PLEASE don't buy me a present if we only see each other once a year on Christmas!!  The point of family and friends getting together should be to see each other, not rip open a few gifts, and then rush off to the next place to rip open a few more.  It's so hectic, and it's not authentic. 

I love decorating and wrapping gifts. I love pretending to have baking skills, only to have it turn into a complete disaster while the kids laugh their butts off at me. I like watching old Christmas movies.  I already have a few twinkly decorations and lights up because it's so pretty to look at.  I dim the lights, and play some music and sometimes just sit here and watch the glow of the lights on the tree.  I love the holidays and all it represents....not what Walmart says it represents, but what it ACTUALLY represents....

Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.

Wednesday 16 November 2011

Just Breathe!

Last night's yoga class was a challenge for me.  First off, it's day 15 of the 30 day challenge and I made it to a whopping 5 classes!  Yay me!!  That's like 35%?  40%?.....Never mind, percentages are dumb.  Anyway, 5 classes.  Woot.  I was away for four days so I'm cutting myself some slack.  I knew from the get-go that the 30 classes wouldn't be attainable for me anyway as life just gets in the way.  I'm cool with five...actually, I did yoga with the kids tonight so technically it's six.  So yeah, I'm cool with six.

Then, here we go again......an actual, real-life yoga teacher right beside ME!!  I talked myself out of the "I'm super-uber-duper jealous" mindset, and decided I would embrace it. After all, the last time I was in a class with a yoga teacher I was actually more inspired than jealous.  I've come to learn it's ridiculous to be jealous of the yoga teachers.  That's what they are, of course they are going to be "better" than me...they live it, breath it, eat it.  Meanwhile I woof down a pack of timbits and wonder why I have a jiggly stomach. I also wonder why I do 10 sit ups and don't have a six-pack yet...maybe I should concentrate harder on the sit ups and less on the sweets!?

I suppose it's all part of the process but not a class goes by where I don't figure a little something out.  Whether it's lifting my knee caps, or figuring out how to do a flat back better (btw, pretend like you are gently placing your boobs on the floor...lead with your boobs!! Thanks Erica!).  I've learned that balancing your hips while in "Pigeon Pose" gives a much better stretch.  I learn all sorts of little tips, which is fantastic.  The problem is I try to use them all at the same time and then disaster strikes...

I'm in Eagle....ok, elbows out, chest proud, straight back....squat, squeeze, soft gaze....square off my hips, lift the right side, keep your core strong, don't fall over.....why am I shaking so much!?  Oh yeah....breath Wendy....BREATHE!!!

Warrior Two....lunge, square the hips, strong arms, soft gaze....lunge more, don't let the knee droop, don't lose the lunge!!.......man, my chest is pounding....oh yeah BREATHE!!!!!!!

See my problem...I concentrate on one thing, or five...and forget the most important parts!  Next thing you know I'm out of breath, trying not to die on the floor in front of all the skinny bitches, wondering if my heart is about to explode.

Between keeping my flat back, squared hips, and my clench-less ass....I'm mentally drained before I even get to the pose!

Last night Taylor had us focus on breathing...I love those classes where they actually remind and cue you to breathe.  Makes that hour so much better for me!  I love when we all breathe together, and it's just so energizing.  Now, if I can just get them to teach a class where they give me every single cue....

Wendy...let your butt cheeks go, Wendy...suck your stomach in, Wendy...lift your knee caps, Wendy..........OMG BREATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday 6 November 2011

She Strikes Again....

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Day 6

Ma belle amie Estelle is back!!! And with that comes, of course, a tear-fest in yoga class, as well as a minor...major meltdown on my drive home.

I seriously don't know what the deal is. It's like she plans her intentions around me.  I wonder if she's somehow secretly recording my private thoughts and exploiting them in class??

Today, she talked about having faith in yourself.  Something I sort of lack.  It borders between low self-esteem and just a fear of moving forward.  I know I am capable of anything I set my mind to, but that little devil on my shoulder keeps saying "oooh, Wendy, it's gonna be too scary, step back, step back step back!!!"

I want to push forward with the doula training, yet I find myself questioning it everyday, can I really do it? Are people going to actually want me there?  What if I mess up or make things worse?  I know I could be flying through this, the quicker I finish the training the faster I can start to help.  But I doubt myself, so I stall....

I want to move, very badly, but then I go threw the what-ifs....the kids will have to change schools, what if they hate me for it? I'm treading lightly as it is because of the pre-teen raging hormones in this house.  I know, first hand, how affect you. I was in five different schools by the time I hit grade 5, it's stressful, and I do not want to do that to my children if I can avoid it. There's so much work involved in selling/buying, it's stressful, maybe I'll hate the new spot more, maybe it won't make anything better.

So, I do nothing. 

I think about how they say you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others....like the oxygen mask on a plane, put yours on first.  But I feel like living for me first is something I can do when my kids are in college.  Maybe it would be just as good for them as me in the long run? I don't know...

It's a constant struggle of trying to make my family happy, yet making myself happy too.  I go to yoga and I feel guilty that I'm gone.  I stay home and I feel miserable about myself.

I want to be at yoga class every single day, it's just not the same doing it in the living room at home. It's so awesome to feel the energy of a full room, all our breaths synced as one.  In my living room it's more like a dog liking my foot or a child asking for a snack! So not the same atmosphere....

I know the guilt is foolish.  Like right now, one child is in the basement, and the other is outside playing. So what difference does it make if I'm here or at yoga? Either way, the only thing they need me for this afternoon will be a snack.   But I still rushed home from class today just in case

My life revolves around the kids, as it should. But sometimes I just wish my kids would revolve around me!!

I fall into these ruts of being overwhelmed. There is so much laundry, the dishes need to be done, supper is late, the dog needs to be walked, I'm trying to figure out how to get to yoga, and maybe, just maybe I can manage to do some studying. But nope...I implode and end up doing none of it anyway. I try to stay home on nights my husband will be early, but even that backfires because he's burned out as much as I am and is usually asleep before the kids are.

Self-destruction, yep. Procrastination, most definitely.   Self-doubt, likely.....I dunno, maybe? Yes?  No? :-0

I even selfishly kept them out of afterschool activities until the new year so I can get my act together. But now, December is closing in and I feel no farther ahead!  Ah, then the stress-load of Christmas.  A holiday that is meant (for me) to be about spending time with friends and family, turns into a Christmas list the size of my arm, panic over what to buy, and how much to spend.  Yay! Fun!  I can't wait....

So, anyway, back to my sob-fest..........I went to class already feeling down. I'm not even flat on my back yet and there's a tear running down my face.  Then Estelle starts talking about having faith and I was like "SERIOUSLY"???  Does she live in my head?

I have no faith in my self today, I wish I did, I know someday I will but this morning I had none.  I know there are changes in my life that need to happen, and I know it's going to be tough, and what I really needed this morning was a gigantic hug and an "it's going to be ok".  Well, I may not have received a physical hug today, I did receive an emotional one from her words.  Again, like they were directed right at me. Tears rolled down my face as this beautiful song about keeping your faith played.  It was like the universe was saying "You will be fine".

So maybe it's just a PMS day, or maybe an actually A-HA moment, but on my drive home I cried, and cried, and cried, and it wasn't a pity party.  It was a complete moment of clarity, knowing that there will be days when my world feels like it's collapsing, but that doesn't mean I should give up. It means I should try harder to prove to myself on a daily basis that I am worth it.  I am worth MY time, I am worth a missed supper or two, I am worth telling the kids "Sorry, mommy's busy!". 

I tried to not go into the ugly-cry, I hope I kept it quiet.  Though one of these days I'm going to be crazy-psycho-crying-sobbing-girl if she keeps up these "moments" in class.

And to the girl behind me in class, who cried as well....I think you got it too.

Saturday 5 November 2011

Doggy Daycare

We, as a family, decided last year that we would get a pooch.  We knew right away we weren't going to buy a dog, too many pets in this world already. So we started on kijiji, looking for a free dog.  This resulted in either 10yr old dogs, or dogs with obvious issues. 

Next was the SPCA, but at the time there were no suitable dogs (to abused to be around kids), and I'm not the type to wait around for the dog that calls our name.  I'm not picky, I just wanted a dog!! 

I happened to stumble on an ad about adopting a Greyhound.  Hmmm, they are cool looking, and different....lets check this out!

I called them up, submitted my application, and arranged for a home-visit with a sample greyhound to see how the kids would like it. They showed up, and I swear it was almost like this breed was meant for us!! They sleep more than babies, need very little exercise, a moderate amount of walking, and they are (usually) very well mannered. 

Perfect!! Sign us up!

We got to choose between two greyhounds.  A female, all black, VERY hyper!  Then, a boy, white and brown, a shy amputee (missing a toe!), who clung to Todd's side.  The decision was very easy. We wanted the boy, he seemed so loving, and was very mild mannered.

Meet Junior....aka WW Junior Mint, an ex-racer from the states.



That was last October.  Over a year we've had the dog, and you want to know what I know now!?  Yes, he sleeps all day, and yes he is very mild mannered....until you take up too much room on the couch for his liking, or until you try to move your leg that his 80lbs of body is laying on while you try to sleep.  Then he turns into psycho dog, who whines and growls, and shows you how mad he is by shitting on the floor when you tell him to get down!

His farts clear a room, he won't leave the garbage alone, he hyper-ventilates when he's upset (seriously).  He jumps all over you, eats all the cat food, his nails are freakishly sharp, he knows zero commands, and looks at you like a spazz when you call his name.  Oh, and for the record when the adoption agency says "Oh yeah, he knows his name".....don't necessarily believe them.

He doesn't like being around other dogs, his attention span is like 3.2 seconds, he plays for all of two minutes and then sleeps for 4 hours and I'm pretty sure he has irritable bowel.  He follows me everywhere, and waits outside the bathroom door. He's very sensitive, and his feelings get hurt easily. He is mentally-defective.....and I wouldn't have it any other way.  He fits in quite well with my screwed up family!

He's quite funny, he's really pretty, he doesn't mind smaller crowds but hates big ones, he sleeps on his back with his tongue hanging out and he loves to have be rubbed...hmm, sounds familiar!!

Sure, I wish he didn't crap on the floor, and that maybe he'd actually stay when I asked him too, but I also know that it's not his fault either.   We know he has "issues", but most of the time it's not on our priority list to correct them.  I try to teach him stuff, but I'm not consistent.  It's hard to scold him for pooping when most of the time we don't catch him in the act. 

He's like living with a full-time toddler, that's never, ever going to grow up. He's only five, so we probably still have at least another five years of the terrible-twos!

In comes Doggy Daycare!!  Just like when my children were toddlers, I love him....but sometimes you just need a break from them from time to time. Unfortunately, it's not like I can send him off to a friend's house for a play date for a few hours.  He's here, ALL THE TIME....who knew a dog was such a big responsibility?!!? 

He can't be leashed outside, so he has to be walked....and he pees, a lot.  During the week, it's about 4 times a day he goes out, maybe 5 or 6 if he wasn't walked long enough.  Some days it feels like my life revolves around a peeing dog.

The walking has turned into such an ordeal around here.  The weekday schedule is pretty consistent.  Todd in the morning, Jeremy after school, Grace after supper, and me before bed.  This shifts around sometimes, but overall it's ok. The issue is weekends.  Who wants to get up at his regularly scheduled morning pee at 7am??  We sleep until about 8:30 or 9am but nobody told the dog that!  Then we are around all day so he thinks that means more walks than usual.  Sometimes it's every hour that he wants to go out.  And "someone"....fine ME, foolishly taught him how to bark when he wants to go out (he's not all spazz)....so he's a built-in alarm clock.   It's a constant fight of "it's not my turn".

Weekends are wild, with no structure. The kids are in and out. Sometimes they are gone for hours, other times there are so many kids here that I'm pretty sure I violate fire codes or somethings.  We come and go all day which leads to complete chaos for the dog. He doesn't handle stress very well so this turns into LOTS of walks so he doesn't relieve himself in frustration on my floor.  But...unless I manage to catch the kids while they are free, I either end up fighting with the kids or I end up walking him a gazillion times and it drives me nuts. 

I knew Todd would be away for the weekend, I knew the kids would be out most of it too, and I was dreading having to deal with him all frickin' weekend by myself. I just want one day of peace!! 

So I did it, I booked him in the kennel for no reason other than I wanted to be selfish.  He's been to the kennel before, but only for when we are going to PEI.  He likes it there so there's no guilt of leaving him.  But this time I sort of felt bad, knowing I'd be dropping him off and then just coming home to lay on the couch and watch TV all weekend!

I figured I'd drop him off this morning, and pick him up in the AM.  A nice little break for Mommy!  When I dropped him off, I was told that pickup tomorrow is only from 5-6pm because it's a weekend.  WOOO HOOO!!!!  Now I basically get all of Sunday too!  I'm not sure what to do with myself.  No dog looking at me like he just lost his best friend. He's not fighting me for space on the couch.  I'm not yelling at him to get out of the garbage, or the cat food, and I don't have him following me around everywhere!

It reminds me of when I'd drop the kids off to Mom for a night or two...the utmost joy of having ZERO responsibility for the day was practically orgasmic. Since the kids pretty much do what they want on the weekends, my only responsibility today is to feed them supper which is ok, because I have to eat too!!  I may even do a load of laundry or two to make sure I did SOMETHING productive this weekend.  Ahhhh....freedom, you are mine again!!   Until Sunday night at least...

Rule #1 - NEVER get a dog because you think your kids will love it and spend all kinds of time with them. It WILL backfire on you, and you will forever be stuck with the responsibilities of the dog.

Rule #2 - When you have foolishly ignored my Rule#1, and are now stuck with a dog that drives you loco, invest in some good doggy daycare!!

Rule #3 - Even on the worst days, when your dog drives you nuts, they always give you a reason to laugh....


Friday 28 October 2011

Occupy Wendy

Day 1 of my new weight loss challenge...I'm not calling it a "diet", those suck.  It's two shakes a day and a reasonable meal.  Plus snacks.  (It's Body By Vi, and if you want to know more, FB me or leave a comment with your email address)

The shakes are frickin awesome!! Seriously.  The shake mix smells like cake mix (delish!!), and you can mix it with anything so the options are limitless....like "Iced Cap" or "Creamcicle".  AMAZEBALLS!!!

Seeing as I like to win, I've set my sights LOW....lose 15 pounds before Christmas.  This should be easy-enough as I'm also doing a 30 day yoga challenge in November. That's only like _____lbs a week (I hate math, you figure it out).  If I can't lose fifteen pounds by then...well forget it, hand me some ice cream, give me the remote, then shoot me in the face cause I will officially give up.

Poor planning on my part that the same day I decided to start my challenge was the same day as our Halloween Potluck at work.  I knew I wouldn't exactly be off to a great start, but I figured a shake for breakfast, a shitty lunch, and then a shake for supper was better than a shitty breakfast and a shitty lunch, followed by a shitty-er supper.  Plus I sort of behaved at the potluck....not really, but I only had one little tiny piece of cake, and left the rest of the desserts alone....except one cookie, but really, other than that I was good.

As part of the challenge, I have to weight myself (ughh), and take measurements...I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and just admit that it's likely not 36-24-36. I won't even lie either, this is going to be truthful, unlike my driver's license, work ID, or anything else that I either have to put weight (135lbs...ha!), height (5'8"...in my dreams), or my clothing size (XS of course).  I used to be all of that...well except the height, no matter how hard I wished it.  The whole "it's baby weight" excuse just doesn't fly anymore considering my youngest is nine!

We all know by now that the number on the scale really isn't what matters.  You take into consideration your height, your BMI (shudder), your overall body structure.  I was blessed to have my hips shoot out when I got pregnant.  (Good for the birth, bad for the pants size)...so regardless of how much weight I ever lose I know I'll never be a size 5 again (sigh). 

But regardless of what I know....it's still not easy.  Some mornings I wake up and think...hmm, I'm not that bad, I have a belly and thick thighs, but I can still pull it off.  Then other mornings I'm so disgusted with myself that I literally sit there, in front of the mirror and just mentally rip myself to shreds. Somedays I feel like I have a 'normal' body, somedays I feel like a beached whale.  It doesn't take much to flip the switch, a random comment or trying on a pair of pants that don't quite fit.  I get frustrated because I'm sort of in between sizes so it's hard to find clothes that fit.  It's not like you can go into a store and just be the same size in everything.  Oh, hell no....that would way tooooo complicated for designers to get their shit together and just go with one size.  

All those skinny-bitch stores run small to make you feel like crap, and the fat-people stores run big to make you feel less fat.  Either way...you still feel bad because the skinny bitches are all running around in the clothes you want, and the fat people are all wearing ugly clothes because apparently decent designers don't like fat people wearing their clothes.

Reitmans...ever take a look at the clothes in the skinny-bitches section and then go look at the plus-size section???  NONE of the clothes are the same.  Why can't they make the same stuff just bigger??  That's not even a good example because Reitmans is pretty reasonable.
Smart Set, Ricki's, Garage.........they don't even make sizes to fit me.  Like I'm a gigantic blob....those stores, right from the get-go tell me I'm too fat to shop there. It's not like I'm obese...I'm just overweight, and technically not even by that much.  I can go to the mall, with like a gazillions stores, and my choices are old-lady, or Old Navy. 

Then you see all those poor 'chunky' teenagers trying to stuff their asses in to pants too small, and shirts too tight....because "society" says "You MUST shop at THIS store to be cool". Muffin tops are every where!!   I can only imagine how it feels to be an over weight teenager in a mean world of bullying.  I was a skinny bitch in high school and I just pray that I never, ever, ever made anyone feel bad because of their sizes.  I know I was a mean girl and said and did some bitchy things...but if I only knew what I know then...

I wish I had the power to start my own Occupization...lol, I don't think that's a word?!  But I would occupy all skinny-bitch stores until they made normal, consistent sizes for all of us!!

For now, I will occupy my own self-esteem...no more hiding, no more lying, no more pretending. It's just time to lose some weight!!  (And not just because society says so).

So begins Occupy Wendy:

The mission.....to no longer hide anything. Listed below you will find my ACTUAL weight, and measurements...no rounding-down. 

The goal....to remove the stigma from all us "fat" girls...I'm not proud of what I weight, but I will no longer be ashamed.

26 Oct 11:
Height - 5'6
Weight - 187lbs
Chest - 36.5"
Waist - 38"
Hips - 46.5"

BMI: 30
A work in progress....


 

Friday 21 October 2011

I Wish My Mom Was Like That...

For those of you who know my daughter, you know that she has quite the personality.  For those who don't, she's very sarcastic, funny, and has developed her own "self" very nicely.  This often gets her trouble as those who aren't familiar with this type of attitude typically take it the wrong way. Plus she walks the fine line of right place/wrong place for displaying this type of humor.

I've had numerous conversations with her and have tried to explain (over and over again) that most people don't get her sense of humor, and that she comes across as having a bad attitude.  Either you get it and like it, or you don't.  So, there are a few teachers at the daycare that laugh at her, and others who run to me every single time she does or says something even remotely off the mark.

There's one teacher in particular that feels the need to report to me on every wrong move that she makes.  I totally get that you are not the disciplinarian but at the same time, what ever happened to saying "Please stop".  If you are going to let her act up all afternoon and not do anything about it then how is she ever going to get that she has to listen to you. I don't see the point of grounding her or yelling at her for one comment she made 7 hours ago.  Plus every child has off days, and I don't feel like hers are any more or less than any other child.  It's maybe once every few months that she's seriously spoken to by the leader of the daycare.  Other than that it's just "Oh she was great today", or "She seemed a little tired"....Nothing to be rushing to the therapist about.  Even on the "bad" days its usually that she was playing with some boys and they all got out of hand. It's never just her, it's never just them, it's a bad combo of the group dynamic.  They shouldn't play together, but what does the daycare let them do?!  Ah, yes....let's them play together!

So yesterday I go get her, and I'm told that she has a not so good day. Apparently she was acting up, again with previously mentioned boys, and when one of the teachers said they should stop as they wouldn't want to upset their mothers, one boy says "Mine doesn't care about stuff like this"....to which my lovely parrot daughter says "Yeah, mine neither".  BAH!!!  Guess again child....

I walk around the corner to find all four kids, probably plotting their next moves.  I say "I hear you had a bad day", she says "uh huh", I say "Any particular reason why all four of you feel the need to act this way??", the boys look down and she says "No, not really".  So I say, "No Family Bingo for you tonight" (At the school).  She starts to cry, and walks out of the building to the car.  I hear one of the boys say "I wish my mom was like that"......HUH!?!?  Like what?! Friggin little boys with attitudes...I can't wait to hear what sarcastic response he has....

As expected, another boy says "What do you mean?".  Well....the boy says "My mother would have just screamed at me all the way home instead of just talking to me".  *BREAKING HEART*

Now it all comes rushing back to me...A few weeks ago, there was a mom who practically threw a kid in the car, squealed out of the parking lot, and was screaming at the top of her lungs the whole time.  I went right in, and reported to the manager what had just happened and told her I was concerned for the child.  As far as I'm concerned, if you're willing to do that in public...you're willing to do worse when nobody is looking. Not only was she a danger to her child by driving erratically but she was also endangering any one else she came in contact with.  The manager said she was aware of the situation, and that the boy had just gotten in trouble. She didn't feel the mother was "that type", but she would make sure to check on the boy the next day.  Turned out everything was fine, by fine I mean no broken bones or (visible) bruises. 

Now, lord knows I've been known to scream once or twice...or twenty times.  But really? Raging like that because he misbehaved...seems like there are bigger problems in that household?

I feel so bad for kids in those situations.  I don't ever recall being SCREAMED at as a child.  Teenager, yes...but wow, I deserved all of that!!  I try to reserve my screaming for dangerous situations, or situations that could turn dangerous.  Like she tells me she's going to a friend's house and I find her at the park...I will yell at her and give her a stranger-danger lecture.  It seems that sometimes you need a good scream to really get through to them.   But because he had a bad day...no.

I know, in our house, most of the time it's my fault she's cranky anyway.  Maybe I let her stay up late to finish a movie, or she was too rushed in the morning. I know her buttons, and when pushed she can be wild!  Some days it doesn't take much, and yes she should be accountable, but I really don't see how screaming at her will make things better. Usually, the louder the conversation the more she kids, the angrier I get, the louder she cries. It's an emotional roller coaster and I don't want to ride it so it's one simple "Go to your room until you calm down"...and we take it from there.  That option works so well for us. It's very open-ended and she gets to decide when she's feeling better.  If I say go to your room for 10 minutes, well maybe after 10 minutes she's still a total biatch and we are no further ahead.  Making it her choice can sometimes result in a five minute breather and she comes downstairs ready to help with supper. Other times it may be that she just gets distracted reading a book and I don't see her for an hour. 

Then there's the times that she falls asleep and it's four hours later and I forget where my kid is and have a mini-panic attack and then realize she's still upstairs...

Thursday 20 October 2011

TV Time!

Currently, on my DVR, in no particular order:

  1. Modern Family
  2. Glee
  3. Survivor
  4. Cougar Town
  5. Lie to Me
  6. CSI
  7. Rookie Blue
  8. Desperate Housewives
  9. Ellen
  10. CSI: Miami
  11. Parenthood
  12. Grey's Anatomy
  13. Private Practice
  14. Raising Hope
  15. Law & Order: SVU
  16. The Talk
  17. SNL
  18. Perfect Couples
  19. Happy Endings
  20. Consumed
  21. Anderson
  22. 90210
  23. Up All Night
  24. X Factor
  25. Kitchen Nightmares
  26. 2 Broke Girls
  27. Two and Half Men
  28. The Simpsons
  29. Family Guy
  30. Hart of Dixie
  31. Gossip Girl
  32. New Girl
  33. The Rosie Show
  34. Amazing Race 19
  35. Oprah's Lifeclass
Thirty five shows!! That's practically a full time job.  Seriously?  And I wonder where all my time goes?!  In light of my search for a better me (thank you Oprah), I've decided to give up some of my TV watching.  I cannot go cold turkey, and there are a few shows that I watch that have a deeper meaning.  Ok, truth...there's no deeper means, I just really, really, really like these shows!

I've decided to remove the gory ones, I only want light-hearted TV in my life now. I've removed CSI, CSI Miami, Law & Order SVU. Down to 32 shows now. Much better!! Fine...I'll also remove all shows that you should be 16 to watch.  So bye bye 90210 and Gossip Girl.  I refuse to give up Glee!  Come on, the title says it all! Down to 30.  That's like a full time job with part time hours.  If TV was my job I'm sure I'd qualify for a good pension plan with those hours. 

Hmmm....Desperate Housewives is in it's last season, and I've been with it since the beginning so it would be ruin to leave them now.  Consumed is all about clutter, which I do not have, so I feel I can part with this.  And my lovely silverfox Anderson...though I love you, your show reminds me of a classy version of Jerry Springer.  I'll stick with you on CNN so you can go to. For the record, I do not record Anderson 360 on the DVR so that does not count towards my total recordings. 

I've lost count...down to 28 now?  Getting better!! Kitchen Nightmares can go, I see enough of Sexy-Chef on Master Chef and Hell's Kitchen....those aren't currently on so they don't count either.  Ok...27. That still seems insane?!

I have Ellen, The Talk and Rosie...I don't need three daytime talk shows. The Talk sucks since they got rid of Leah Remini so they can go.  Rosie is still way too high-strung for my new found zen life so she can go too. YAY Ellen...congrats you win!! 

25...

For the record, Two and a Half Men is recorded for Todd, and The Simpsons and Family Guy are for the kids (don't judge me).  FINE....The Simpsons and Family Guy can go...they are always on reruns anyway.  Phew....23!!

New Girl is a new show, I'm not totally addicted to that yet, so I will let that go.

22!!! 

Perfect Couples....I don't ever remember even watching this show!?  See ya later!

21!!

Ok...NEW LIST:

  1. Modern Family (Too funny to ever give up)
  2. Glee  (Music! HELLO!)
  3. Survivor (The tribe has spoken...this stays as we watch it as a family)
  4. Cougar Town (I plan to be a cougar in the near future...strictly educational)
  5. Lie to Me (This is a good show for catching my soon-to-be teenage children)
  6. Rookie Blue (It's based in Canada...I support my peeps!)
  7. Desperate Housewives (Last season...)
  8. Ellen (Have a little fun today! yah yah!)
  9. Parenthood (So true to life...it's practically like watching a documentary)
  10. Grey's Anatomy (Uhh...two words...McDreamy and McSteamy)
  11. Private Practice (It's just on after Grey's...)
  12. Raising Hope (HIGH-LA-RIOUS)
  13. SNL (I really only watch for the Weekend Update, so it's like 20 mins, not 90)
  14. Happy Endings (I just like the title)
  15. Up All Night (Parenting show...again, educational!)
  16. X Factor (Simon Cowell...come on!)
  17. 2 Broke Girls (FUNNY!)
  18. Two and Half Men (For Todd...this doesn't count!!)
  19. Hart of Dixie (It has the chick from the OC, and I love her so I cant give it up)
  20. Amazing Race 19 (Almost over anyway)
  21. Oprah's Lifeclass (It's OPRAH, you can never have too much Oprah!)
Soooo, 21 shows.  I've now be downgraded to a part-time job.  Six of those are only 30 mins, so it's like I really only have 18 hours of TV. This is more manageable and I fast forward through the commercials so technically it's more like...uh, I suck at math. It's more like 18hrs of TV minus 20 mins of commercials per hour.  Sooo, you figure it out!!

Now, what to do with all my spare time....
OHH LOOK!!! Youtube!!

Wednesday 19 October 2011

What a Pain in The Neck!

Like my FB page:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Pigeon-Pose-Emotions/230206560392271

I feel like I got hit by a car...oh, wait. I did!!

It's amazing how sore you can be from a little fender-bender.  We were out for lunch and my friend was dropping me back at work. We were stopped, waiting to turn left, when BAM...rear-ended. 

Instant pain in the neck, but at the time it didn't seem like much.  I went into work, and was definitely stiff but I've had worse pain so I popped some Tylenol and tried to carry on.  I knew I'd need to go see a doctor so I called to make an appointment.  My doctor was booked, and their walk in clinic was closed.  There's no way I'm sitting at the ER for hours, plus Emergency rooms are for EMERGENCIES!! (That will be another post of mine soon enough).  My neck was really stiff and I didn't want to drive. I knew I'd be just as much a danger as the teenager who hit us.  So I waited for Todd to pick me up. By the time he got me, I was even more stiff and now there were pains all down the sides of my spine.  So now I'm fighting back tears as he drives me to another clinic.  We get to the walk-in clinic and I'm told they are too full to take me. Or, lets just be honest, it was too close to the end of the day and the doctors wanted to go home.
I contemplate going home, but I'm so friggin sore and all I want are drugs to knock me out.  The receptionist tells me I can always try the ER.  Well shoot...that's totally not what I want, but I have had decent wait-times at the one in Dartmouth, so screw it...Todd drives me there.

I go in, get accessed, and the nurse says I really shouldn't have that long of a wait.  Ahhh, perfect.  I go sit down to wait, with visions of a drug-induced sleep coming my way.  There's about 10 people waiting ahead of me. I'm secretly scanning the crowd and measuring their visible pain against mine. Nobody is bleeding (bonus!), nobody looks gray (double bonus!), and most of them are young-ish (score!!). So I figure I'll be pretty quick. It always goes ambulance (none), old people (only two), kids (none), bleeders (none)...and on and on, so I guestimate I'll be no more than third or fourth.

Shit...ambulance.  Ah, double shit...they are on top of the guy on the gurney. That can't be good.  Holy crap, dude with an eye injury.  Frig.  Guy with a gaping, bleeding wound on his land. Seriously?!  Well there goes my short wait.  OMG, another ambulance....I'm seriously screwed.  By this point, it's about two hours in and the waiting room is now totally full.  I will save my health care rant for another day but lets just say not a single person looked sick, acted sick or was bleeding or dying.  Now, I know, I know...I technically wasn't either, but I can at least say that I tried the clinic route first, and at that point if I knew any drug dealers I would have tried that too!!  But, unfortunately, none of my friends deal prescription drugs.  (booo!!) And if I would have shown up to a full house I would have left right then and there and just went home and cried myself to sleep.  But by now, it's 3-4hrs in and I'm not about to give up.

Five hours later I finally get brought back to the beds.  Ahhh, relief, I get to lay down.  Bahhh...NOOOOO....it hurts to lay down. Well this sucks.  I flopped around on the bed like a walrus and I finally get comfy enough. No pillow, flat on my back, and I sort of feel like I'm laying in Savasana so I go with the flow and start my deep breathing!! YAH!! Yoga is can be done anywhere.

Somehow, in our complete boredom, Todd and I start talking about what type of drugs they will give me.  I'm praying for something super strong that will make me see unicorns and fairies.  I'm also praying that I won't have to fight for it.  With my luck, I'm fully expecting the doctor to offer me up some super strong Tylenol, maybe if I'm really lucky it will be Tylenol 3's.  That is my luck.   I will sit here for 5 hours and they will give me Tylenol.  I will completely have a psychotic meltdown, and be beggging like a addict if he doesn't give me something good.  I've felt worse pain before but at the time I couldn't imagine having to go home with anything less than morphine!!

This, of course, leads to a fight about how addictive prescription pills are. Todd is convinced it's a one-pill-instant-addiction and I'm saying no.  It's not like I'm going to snort the pills, I just want a good sleep!  Neither one of us like to back down from a good debate so we spend 15 mins in our quiet hospital voices fighting about it.  If someone has ever been hooked, or knows of someone who's been hooked off of ONE pill please let me know so we can end this once and for all.

We agree to disagree and I begin to pray (out loud) that it not be a hot, young doctor who comes in.  Bad idea...thus begins fight number two in our quiet hospital voices. Whether it's better to have the hot doctor or the old man doctor.   I feel that any doctor who is also hot is only becoming a doctor to be the hot-doctor.  They don't care about me or my pain, they just want me to go home and have a dirty Dr. McDreamy dream about them.  I prefer the old man doctors who have seen everything and aren't going to be checking out my bits and pieces with anything more than a scientific curiosity. Todd thinks its super awesome to have hot (female) doctors over old lady doctors. Go figure...

So guess who walks in....super hot, super young doctor.  Great.  I'm soooo glad I'm laying here in a johnny shirt with no bra on.  Immediately he looks at my boobs....ok so it was more like my waist, but with no bra on that's where they hang out sometimes.  I am immediately self conscious and find myself trying to squeeze my arms together to make instant cleavage.  I'm sure I looked like I was already on medication. Then he makes me sit up....great, boobies are sitting on my lap now.  Sooo glad it's the hot one. 

He rules out anything serious, and I'm officially diagnosed with whiplash.  Yippee for me!!  He prescribes me pills (yah!!) and then tells me to brace myself for some pain over the next few days (booo!!).  

I finally get out, a total of 6 hours in the hospital.  I get to take some pain pills (finally!), and eat (FINALLY!).  I wait and wait for the unicorns and fairies...and nada.  Well these aren't working at all.  I still feel sore, and I'm not even tired.   I drag my ass up to bed and wake up 11 hours later in the exact same position that I fell asleep in.  Hmmm, maybe they worked a little!! LOL

I take another pill after I eat breakfast. Nothing.  Still feel pain, wide awake, and where the hell are the unicorns?!  I'm talking to Jen on the phone, bitching about my previous day and she starts to laugh.  Turns out I was slurring my words like a drunken sailor.  I did not have a clue, everything seemed normal.

It's been two days, I'm still on the pills, I'm still sore, I'm still not in contact with the unicorns, but I have been sleeping alot so maybe they'll come in my dreams....

I've also been forgetful, and dopey, and my texting has been a disgrace.  This whole pain in the neck has been a royal pain in the ass.

Saturday 15 October 2011

Wishful Sleeping

It's my own damn fault. Too much coffee and an addiction to friggin' good TV.  I am a night owl and suffer because of it. Mornings are my kryptonite.  I hate them.  I set TWO alarms and still sleep in. Most nights, once I finally make it to bed, I don't have much issue actually falling asleep and I don't wake up at all. Or at least I don't remember waking up anyway.  I know I must because I've had full conversations with people and do not recall a thing in the morning.  I've also had mornings where I wake up and realize I've taken all my rings off, and there's a glass of water beside me that I don't remember getting.  I talk in my sleep too, so that's always a potentially bad thing!

Noises tend to blend in with my dreams.  Like the train going by at 4am will suddenly appear while I'm flying in a private jet with Anthony Hopkins?! Or I'll have a dream about a car accident and the "sirens" are the alarm. 

I guess I would consider myself to be a deep sleeper. Once I'm out, I'm OUT! 

Unless it's something super unusual and then I jolt up like I'm under attack.  The dog barking in the middle of the night (BURGLARS!!), or a baby crying (who can refuse a middle of the night snuggle?).  I always woke up for the kids when they were babies, but the poor little fellas fended for themselves when they got older.  Unless I hear vomit in the middle of the night, chances are I'm not waking up.  This works out great for them when they want to climb in bed with me in the middle of the night because I have no clue until the morning.

The darker it is, the worse it is.  Winter time kills me.  This morning the alarm(s) went off for 45 mins before I even heard it.  Needless to say, I'm late leaving for work a lot. Which really pisses me off, because that throws off my morning coffee run so I end up not having a coffee until the afternoon and then the vicious sleep cycle continues.  I've tried giving up caffeine and it works (very well) for falling asleep early, but it only lasts a few days before the mornings suck all over again. 

It's been a long time that this has been an issue for me.  Probably since I was a teenager. I snore, and talk in my sleep, and just cause I know my mother's going mention it...I sometimes drool.  I also have what my doctor says is Restless Leg Syndrome (I don't think that's what I have, but she has a degree on her wall so who am I to argue?!).  Leading up to my work-meltdown I finally decided enough was enough, so I made an appointment with a sleep clinic. Perhaps I could have avoided that if I'd done it sooner! I've already done a few tests and will hopefully get a solution before I have to quit my job and sleep in everyday. Hmmm....wait a minute...I should really think this through?!

Todd should be tested too. We're going to be one of those old couples who sleep in separate beds.  It's always a fight.  He likes it cold, I like it warm.  He likes lots of blankets. I don't.  He falls asleep faster than me and snores too so I end up plugging his nose until he stops breathing. (Don't worry...I eventually let go!)  We fight ALL THE TIME about sleeping.  He says I take up too much room, I say I'm just "snuggling".  He gets annoyed that I don't hear the alarms.  I get annoyed that he turns them off too fast before I get a chance to hear them.  It goes on and on and on...

And well, then there's little missy....

She drops like a dead fly in the car...

She'll sleep with anyone or anything as a pillow...



She sleeps in the weirdest positions...
And does the weirdest things with her hands...

She even falls asleep while playing...
(She eventually tipped over in the bucket and still didn't wake up)
And one time with a chocolate bar in her hands...

She once fell asleep at a WWE Wrestling match once, with lights and music, and 5000 screaming fans.

Like mother like daughter?! For her sake, I hope not!

Wednesday 12 October 2011

My Bucket List

Like my FB page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Pigeon-Pose-Emotions/230206560392271

I'm almost 30. Almost.

Thirty is my new number. It used to be twenty-five...by 25 I was going to be a grown-up. No more depending on Mommy or Daddy to save the day. My bills would be paid on time. I would be responsible, and strong and wise.  I would take no crap from anyone, and I would speak my mind.  I would know what I wanted to do, I would have goals and plans. I would be a big girl!  Yeah, well...guess what!!! Twenty-five was not my number!!  I remember being so disappointed at myself. I could hardly afford groceries most weeks. I didn't even have a good excuse (like having no money). We made enough, I just bought stupid stuff.  It was not uncommon for me to drop $50-$60 bucks at the dollar store.  Do you have much crap that is?!  Then two weeks later I'd throw most of it out.

So now, it's 30.  I think I'm pretty much there.  I haven't borrowed money in a few years.  That's not to say I don't OWE money still, but I haven't borrowed any more.  My bills are caught up, some even have credits each month.  I am working towards a better future for myself by finally doing what I want to do (doula!), my "real" job may suck but there's a light at the end of the tunnel.  I've put (most) of my impulse shopping habits behind me.  I'm still (mostly) broken up with Walmart. The dollarstore is strictly for doggie bags. I started actually trying on clothes first instead of buying them, realizing they don't fit and then never returning them. So I feel like I've made it.  I'm a big girl BEFORE I turn 30!! YAY!!  I'm still a work in progress but I'm getting better each day.  I've been thinking a lot lately about my future plans.  Like when I'm waaaaayyyyy old, say forty. I'll practically be childless (thank you teenage pregnancy!!) so I'll be free to roam.  I need a bucket list....I don't want to live each day the same ol' way I've lived it for almost 30 years now. I've never really done many spontaneous things. I've haven't done much travelling. I don't really feel like I've live.  Live for kids, yes. Lived for myself...no. 

After my taste of freedom while in NYC, I realized how little I've really done and how much I want to do. 
So here is a quick version on my newly created Bucket List....

  1. Visit NYC
  2. Visit NYC again
  3. Skydive – OMG, maybe?! I don’t know, seems terrifying.
  4. Cuddle with a tiger (maybe I’ll do this last?!) (and no, not Woods)
  5. Own a goat
  6. Eat lots of food in Italy
  7. Eat lots of food in Greece
  8. Swim with dolphins --- in a pool, not the ocean!!
  9. Try to get over my fear of oceans!
  10. Do a yoga practice outside, somewhere with a pretty view
  11. Learn to speak Spanish –  Mucho Grassy-Ass
  12. Make a living doing something I love (working on that!)
  13. Visit as many states as possible (10 down, a bunch more to go)
  14. Fly in a helicopter
  15. Ride in a hot-air balloon
  16. Learn how to make GOOD gravy
  17. Get in the car, with a full tank of gas, and no plan and just go!
  18. Learn how to knit (properly)
  19. Have a proper date with my husband, where he actually opens doors and pulls out my chair, and doesn’t wear a hat. (Notice I put this right in the middle to see if he actually reads these posts like he says he does)
  20. Go for bike ride on a bike with one of those cute little baskets on the front
  21. Volunteer at an orphanage
  22. Find a pen pal, and actually write on a piece of paper…with a pen!! OMG!
  23. Write a children’s book
  24. Have a “Trash the Dress” photo shoot….if/when I ever fit into it again.  L
  25. Paint a room from start to finish without making a mess or getting pissed off at the paint.
  26. Make a scrap book of all the kids school projects (this will obviously have to wait until I have all 12 years worth of stuff)
  27. Run for some kind of political office and lay out all my scandals before my opponents can.
  28. Be a foster parent
  29. Go a full week without computer, TV, or phones…maybe even a month.
  30. Build a dream home.
I hope I get to share some of these with my children before they rush off to medical school.  I also hope I get to experience some on my own.  I look forward to seeing what this next decade brings me.  Forty will be my next new number...

(Stupid side note...I always thought 40 was spelled fourty...but spell check AND the internet is saying forty....that looks dumb to me, so I'm adding #31...get Websters to edit their dictionaries to make Forty be Fourty)

Thursday 6 October 2011

Baby It's Cold Outside

I'm not really sure why I live in Canada. I despise cold weather.  I do not like snow, I do not like ice, I do not like shoveling, none of it's nice (ah!! Ode to Dr. Seuss). I don't say "eh", I don't like curling and I don't watch CBC.

I haven't skated since I was in Junior High. I don't particularly like watching hockey.  I am a horrible skier, even cross country is too tricky for me.  I don't like to layer. I look silly in hats. I always lose my mittens...consider me a poor little kitten!!  (Ok, that one needs work)

When winter comes I always wonder to myself..."Why do I live here??!". I could move to Texas, or Brazil, or  Mississippi, or Florida.  Why don't I move somewhere nice? Then I remember...Texas = Rattlesnakes, Brazil = Anacondas, Mississippi = Alligators, Florida = Sharks, snakes, alligators, and old people...ok, THAT's why I never moved.  The worst that's going to get me in NS is a raccoon or maybe a porcupine. Every so often Jeremy decides to scare the crap out of me with a garter snake, but usually I'm behind the door and he's on the deck so that isn't so bad.

I need to find an ideal location that's not too hot, not too cold. Twenty degrees (Celsius) is plenty. It has to be crazy-snake free, garter snakes are manageable.  I would like minimal spiders, and definitely not any gigantic ones.  This place must have a good ratio of men-to-women (yes I'm married, but I can still look at the menu).  No tsunamis. No sink holes. No dead feet washing up on shore.  No war zones, and it can't be near a nuclear power plant.  It must only rain at night, and I would like an orange tree nearby. Maybe a plum tree too.

I'd also prefer a place where gardens take care of themselves, and the laundry gets put on the line by magic. Groceries are delivered by little fairies, and children always get along.  A place where dinner is prepared every night by the husband, and the dishes clean themselves.
But I won't be too picky...

I've been on the hunt for such a place and so far nothing.
Guess I'll just have to keep my free health care and stay put for now...


 

Sunday 2 October 2011

The Other Talk

I figured since we were on a roll with the little chats in our household that we'd have another....

Period.  Aunt Flow. The Big Red. The Curse...

It hasn't arrived for little miss yet, but I feel like it's only a matter of time.  Mine showed up in the middle of the night at the age of ten and I was TERRIFIED!!!  My mama hadn't had "the talk" with me yet so I had no clue what was happening. I woke her up, and like the good mama she is she told me "it's just your period, go put in a tampon and go back to bed".  This is one of the many things I get to tease my mother about.  Sure, maybe I caught her of guard, I did want her from a deep sleep BUT let's face it...she didn't quite handle the situation with tact. Needless to say,  she did eventually get out of bed to help me out.

I had originally meant to have the talk with little missy at the beginning of summer.  The kids go stay with my mom each summer (hate the game, not the player!), so I wanted to prep her so we didn't have a repeat of my traumatic experience.  I guess I was too excited about NYC because before I knew it the kids were being dropped off and I just sort of forgot about it. 

Well.....by the time summer was over, little miss had some -A- cups going on.  At first I was thinking maybe it's just baby-fat...but nope.  Boobies. Maybe not a full A, but at least a half an A.

So I figure now it's time.  Turns out this is one of many talks Todd is NOT willing to participate in.  So off I went, just me and missy to talk about periods.

I should have known something was up because she has a Cheshire cat grin on her face the entire time. I asked if she knew what a period was..."Not really".  So I explain...and then ask if she has any questions. She's giggling and I figure she's just embarrassed, but then she informs me that her friend already told her all about it!  Well, so much for being ahead of the game.  After I explain it all, I also explain that if it ever happens at school that she should just quietly whisper to her teacher or just go right to the office.  If it happens at home tell me, and if I'm not home tell Dad. You ever want to see Todd turn 10 shades of red, and squirm and squeal?? Just tell him you told Grace to talk to him about her period!! Good for a laugh.  We also talk about the differences between tampons and pads, and I explain to her that because she's so young if she does start any time soon that she'll be using pads. She wears boy underwear, mostly boxers, and has since she's been about two or three so I also tell her that she'll probably have to start wearing girl underwear when it starts so the pads have somewhere to stick to.  OMG!!!!!! THE DRAMA!!! The child doesn't flinch as the idea of blood coming out of her woofie, but me telling her that she'll have to switch her type of undies....WELL WATCH OUT! There were instant tears in the eyes and a bit of a panicked look on her face.  Ahhh, shoot...back this up, it's not supposed to be a traumatic talk (See mom!).  Uhh, but I'm sure we can buy you some boys tighty-whiteys.  Phew...that calmed her down! Compromise!  Hopefully we don't have to deal with that for a few more years and maybe by then she'll be more than happy to wear the girl undies. 

For now, I just hope and pray that they both stay young for just a little while longer, and also, now that I've posted this to the world wide web.....I hope they never read this! Imagine knowing your mommy talked about porn and periods all within a few days?!? (Another thing I learned from my mama.......nothing is off limits in this family!)