Above The Law...

So apparently, if you are a drunk driving police officer in HRM you get a paid-vacation for your stupidity.  I blame the unions, well I blame the asshole that drove drunk, but more, I blame the unions.  How is it even possible that you can drive drunk, in a police cruiser, crash, get arrested....and then get a suspension WITH pay?!  .........UNIONS.......

I understand that we all have rights, human rights, civil rights, but impaired rights? NO! Unless it's visually or hearing...your drunk ass doesn't deserve rights.

The CUPE Union collective agreements states that there is a principle of innocence...the good ol' innocent until proven guilty.  I'm no judge and jury...but I'm pretty sure you don't get arrested, and charged with impaired if you are in fact sober?  Therefore, you ARE guilty.   So why the suspension with pay? Because the union is there to protect your ass.

We are public servants, there is a certain extra something-something required of us.  One...follow the rules.  Two...don't do stupid stuff that looks bad on your employer (i.e. the government).  Three...as a cop, doesn't serve and protect come into play? 

How are you protecting me by being one more drunk idiot on the road?  The union protects your rights, but who protects mine?  You are a police officer, you broke the law, you could have killed someone, you deserve to be fired. 

Perhaps, if we actually started making examples out you douchebags we might just become a better world. 

There are cases of child pornography on work computers, and the employee still keeps their job.  Why?  Unions.

I worked with a guy who literally fell out of his chair multiple times from being so drunk, he's been given a gazillion opportunities to seek help, but didn't, and he still keeps his job.  Why?  Unions. 

There have been cases of complete violence in the workplace, does that guy lose his job?!  Nope...he gets transferred to a different department.  Out of sight, out of mind....thank you unions, now some other poor souls can deal with it!

Heaven forbid his rights be violated....mine, pfftt...who cares??

Sure, the unions fight for our rights to vacation, sick leave, pay increases.  But they also protect the pooch-screwers, criminals, and anyone else who feels above the law. They charge us a fortune, lure us into complacency by making us think we don't have to work hard for our money.  They give us the excuse to say "not my job", they cover our asses when we break the rules, and hell....if you are an HRM police officer they pay you while you sit on your ass over the holidays until your court date!!

Don't even get me started on the cabinet ministers....more assholes breaking rules, and thinking the rules don't apply to them.

(Insert additional rant about Mr. Peter Mackay here...as a federal government employee I'm not "allowed" to speak badly about my employer in a public venue so I can't do it myself)

Top 10 for 2012

We all make them, we all break them, and then we all feel bad for the rest of the year. Yep, you know what I’m talking about…New Year’s Resolutions.  I found a website that lists the Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions. The list was very overwhelming, and too broad to accomplish.  Too much pressure! So I’ve modified it to be effortless.

With the Holidays behind us, don’t we all deserve some stress free times?

My recommended Top 10 New Year’s Resolution list:

1. Spend more time with Family & Friends:
• Lose the guilt about family time. Chances are they don’t want to spend that much time with you either!
2. Fit in Fitness:
• Walking to and from your car counts, if you are fortunate enough to work on the 2^nd floor or higher that doubles your calories burned.  Also, if you move the remote further away from you, the reach to change the channel is triple.
3. Tame the Bulge:
• Stomach fat is bad, but butt fat is ok, so when eating Christmas leftovers just use motivational speaking to will the calories to go right to your thighs. Besides, in some cultures bigger is better!
4. Quit Smoking:
• We all know smoking is bad, if you smoke put it out one or two puffs early.  I’m not a doctor, but I’m sure this will add at least a week to your life. If you don’t smoke…bonus!  This just means you have fewer resolutions to work on.
5. Enjoy Life More:
• Life should be enjoyed…enjoy paying bills, enjoy traffic, enjoy doing laundry.  This means you have a job, a car, and a house.  Some people don’t…
6. Quit Drinking:
• Pfft…water, who needs it anyway?! 
7. Get Out of Debt:
• What’s the point? The second you pay off your car you know it’s going to break!  Keep those payments low, and miss a few every once in a while…that’s a guaranteed way to keep your car running!
8. Learn Something New:
• The Norwalk virus (the virus that causes the stomach flu) can survive on an uncleaned carpet for a month or more. (#8, DONE! Check that off your list of resolution accomplishments! You’re welcome!)
9. Help Others:
• Bring me coffee, cookies, any sort of treat.  That will help me survive my day, therefore helping you complete a resolution. Win-win for both of us!
10.   Get Organized:
• When in doubt….throw it out.  With all the money you’ve saved from missing car payments you can just buy it again if necessary.

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution. ~ Jay Leno

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire...

I caved and bought a cell phone for my son for Christmas. Sort of like kill-two-birds....I want him to have one anyway so I can get ahold of him, and he wants one to not be the only kid in school without him so it's a win-win. I'm partially terrified that this is going to be the last time I see my son...between the Xbox, computer and cell phone he'll have no reason to leave the basement except for to eat supper.

He walks home from school, about 45 minutes (uphill both ways, with no shoes.)....so it's definitely a requirement. Plus he walks in the "North End"..........whoooooo.......so really I should provide him with a cell phone and a bullet proof vest.

Basically, I just want to be able to find him if necessary between school and home.  There have been a few days that I thought I would be nice and pick him up but I end up spending 45 minutes driving up and down the roads trying to find him.  He never seems to take the same route twice...I guess he's trying to fool the kidnappers or something because you can't track him if you tried.  Now, if they would actually come up with a tracking device implant that would make my life so much easier!

Point of this story...I bought the damn phone.

So I take the bag home and since I don't have time to wrap it, I throw it in my closet with plans to wrap it later on that night.  I go out for a few hours and when I get home Jeremy says "I found the phone".......WTF!?  Seriously???  What is wrong with my child?   Doesn't he know you NEVER admit to snooping, and you definitely never admit to finding Christmas presents!  His friend laughed his ass off telling me all about how Jeremy found the phone, and freaked and threw it to the back of the closet cause he thought he'd get in trouble.  You'd think the two of them would have come up with a master plan...

I'm not sure if he'll ever really get that there are these little things called.....lies.  He's been like this since birth.  I used to say "once Barney is over it's time for bed"....and like the good mommy I am I would forget about bedtime, and he would always come running to inform me that Barney was over.  I would go "oh, yeah, ok...bedtime"........and he'd lose his mind!  Why he never figured out to just keep quiet is beyond me.  I'm sure he could have squeezed out at least an hour or two before I remembered.  Of course because I was busy baking, and cleaning, and ironing shirts...

Don't be fooled.  He lies...like "I'm not sure why there's a bag of popcorn dumped all over the floor, it must have walked itself downstairs to the food free zone and dumped itself". But they are usually only to get himself out of cleaning, or having to help out. He gets annoyed that I screen my calls, thinks its wrong to say "I don't have kids" when the creepy door-to-door photographer tries to sell us portrait settings, and don't get me started on trying to lie to people when he's around, he'll correct you...and it's embarrassing.  Nothing like having to prep your child that you are about to tell a lie and he needs to shut his mouth...

Not that I would encourage him to lie...but again..........what the hell is wrong with him?!  I knew most of my Christmas presents weeks before Christmas but I never went running to Mom to tell her I knew what I was getting. The whole point of snooping is to not get caught.  It's not like I would ever admit that I used to pull the tape back ever-so-gently so I could see what was inside the wrapping.  It's not like I would ever call myself out like that....what?  Ahhh...shit.  Sorry Mommy!!

It would be like snooping through the medicine cabinet at a friend's house (we all do it, come on!!) and then saying "ah, I see you have hemorroids...that sucks!".  Or telling your boss that you looked at their pay stub while they weren't looking and now you're really expecting a bonus.  Who flat out tells their mother that they found a Christmas present?!?

He didn't even have to lie, he just needed to neglect to tell me....how hard is that?

Lies come in handy...whether it's to get out of a speeding ticket, or saying "Oh yes that was great for me too"......a little white lie never hurt anyone.

I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump.

After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room.

The triage nurse asked for my height and weight, and

 I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight and 125 pounds."

While the nurse pondered this information, my mother leaned over to me.

"Sweetheart," she gently chided,

"this is not the Internet."



So that's what it looks like...

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I love Yin yoga, it's all about working on the connective tissues and does wonders for my 80yr old hips. I've had massive issues with my hips and lower joints since I was pregnant with Grace.  I'm sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the 70+ pounds I gained while I was pregnant with her...

The pain keeps me up a lot and stops me from doing a lot of stuff. It's a catch-22. It hurts to exercise though exercise makes it feel better, but then worse all at the same time. I tried Yin probably 6 months ago or so and fell in love!!  The poses are held for 3-5 minutes each so you get a good deep stretch.  I leave class feeling so relaxed and sleep like a gravol-fed baby.  However, it usually only lasts a few days, and then I'm back to my regular 80yr old self.  I really should do them every night, but well we all know how well that goes....me and consistency do not go well together.

Imagine my excitement when I saw that Emilie was doing a Yin-Yang class. Two hours! Sign me up!  A little yin, a little yang (regular yoga)....and some meditation.  I'm not really a meditation type of person...frankly, I don't get it.  It seems to me like daydreaming...which I do quite regularly at work...so hey, I'll give it a go! 

She says she doesn't want us to face the mirrors and I was like SCORE!! I hate looking at myself anyway so we turn around and begin class.  Breathing exercises, some meditation stuff...I still don't "get it", but it was relaxing so maybe that's the point!?  She starts with some yin poses, and I'm lovin' it!  Feeling the stretch in my hips is like the big "O"...it makes me sleepy and happy.

She says we're going to ease into some yang poses, which I'm really ready for cause I'm all stretched out and limber!  Yeah, I should have known, Emilie and 'ease' don't go hand in hand.  She is like the drill sergeant of yoga (in a good way), and we GO GO GO!!!  Updog, down dog, plank, up, down, back, up, down, cat stretch, down again. REPEAT! Pheww....I'm dying already and it's like 3 mins into the yang part.  I'm being all yogi-minded and not judging myself.  I can do this!! I've done Emilie's classes before and survived!! I'm gonna rock this class!

Then it happened....

During a downward-dog, I catch a glimpse of myself between my legs in the mirror.  Remember we are backwards now so while in down dog instead of looking at the back of the room we are now looking at the front, the mirrors, so it was not a nice glimpse.  An "OMG, my ass is a foot away from the mirror...and I'm bent over looking at it, upside down, with my legs hip-width apart.".......WTF?!?  Is that really what it looks like?!  Wait a minute...If I can see my ass....so can the rest of the back row.  So now I'm up/down/up/down...all the while looking at my ass (and of course all the other asses).  I have no watch on, but I'm sure I still have at least 1.5 hrs of ass in my face left.  Is she trying to ruin me forever?!?!  I don't like being front row for a reason...and now my ass is front row for all to see?! 


 (NOT WHAT I LOOK LIKE!!!)

It reminded me of an episode of "The Golden Girls" where they talk about how you should bend over and look at your face in a mirror....that is how you'd look when you are...hmmm..."on top".  I almost died at the thought of it, and started having flash backs of any times I was ever "bent over", ever in my life. (I'm leaving it at that...ya'll know what I mean). 

Thankfully that part of class didn't last as long as I'd expected and we get right back to the yin, and finally more meditation.  I don't know what she did...I'm pretty sure she hypnotised me, but I actually caught myself smiling, and nodding off into la-la-land while sitting upright.  Is that possible?! She took me to my happy place, and that's all that matters...she probably does have magical drill sergeant skills though.  All the teachers are magical in one way or another...

I can't wait to see if she does another, I'll definitely be the first to sign up...and then the first to grab a spot AWAY from the mirrors!