You're not alone.

"Falling Apart in One Piece" by Stacy Morrison

An amazing (real) story about how Stacy struggles through her divorce.  I'm not sure why I even bought the book? (Mommy/Stepdad issues perhaps??)  I'm not divorced, I'm not planning a divorce (ask me again tomorrow!), I'm not being told that Todd wants a divorce...but I was just really drawn to the book. Plus it was in the clearance section so that's an obvious bonus ;-)

It's basically how her husband says, out of the blue, that he wants a divorce. She doesn't see it coming, doesn't know why, and it so confused and angry by it all. But as the time passes she begins to see more and more of how he saw the relationship and began to realize that no two people see their relationship the exact same way.

For example......one big part of our (Todd and I) frustrations is that Todd is very impulsive and I need to plan things out.  He'll, just on a whim, invite people over and I immediately begin to panic. It's not that I don't want the people over.  I just need to think it through first.  The house could be spotless and I could have prepared the best dinner in the world with plenty of leftovers and I'd still be stressed out.  Its a learned habit, too many years of living with my grandparents and having Mr. and Mrs. Worry hover over my every move. Also, I see it as "planning", he sees it as "needs medication".  On this one, we agree to disagree.

I know my mini-freak outs are not helping, I know it's not the end of the world but it still royally pisses me off when Todd does stuff like that.  BUT...I've also started to realize that it's a part of us, neither good nor bad.  He's not right, I'm not wrong.  If he wasn't impulsive, if he was as analytical as myself, imagine how boring  our lives would be??

T - "Um, should we maybe invite someone over this weekend"
W - "I don't know, do you think the house is clean enough and are we caught up on all our chores?"
T - "Hmmm, maybe we should think this through. Can we afford if it they want to do something?
      Will we be entertaining enough? Do people like us?
W - "OMG, I don't know either!!! Lets not do anything ok?"
T - "OK"

Wowzers...that sounds super awesome?!

Life would be very flat-lined if we both thought the same.  We parent differently, I'm a talk-it-through Mom and he's a because-I-said-so dad. Our idea of spending time with our families are different, I would see mine everyday if possible, he'd be more like once a week or so.  He's very generous with his time, I prefer to get something in return if I'm going to grace you with my presence!!  I get frustrated that he'll help someone over and over and over but when he needs help most of the time said person isn't available.  But then again I've spent years of wasted time trying to "help" a friend with a problem and it really got me nowhere and he never said anything to me about it. 

AHA moment #582, Todd bought a motorcycle. Nothing fancy, and he made a deal with another family member so it ended up not costing a huge amount.  I flipped...."OMFG, that money wasn't for bikes, it was to do something productive".  How dare he buy a bike?!  I would NEVER buy something so expensive without talking it over first.  NEVER!!!!  Oh well, except for the hundreds of dollars I'm spending on laser hair removal. But that doesn't count right? I never really fully explained how much it was going to cost but really that's for both of us, and I'm saving time AND money because I'll never have to shave again. Say it with me now...."That doesn't count!!!

Fine...it counts. Thanks for picking sides...

Well, I should explain...I'm still sorta pissed that he bought it without talking it over first, but the point of this is that I was ready to FLIP OUT on him for it but realized I was (sort of) doing the same thing and the thought had never crossed my mind that it was the same thing. Trust me, in the long run I wouldn't have gotten anywhere. Telling Todd he can't do something gets me nowhere...and I'm starting to see that as a good thing. I can't stand the ladies who tell their husbands what move to make and when to make it.  Worse...I can't stand the men who take it and give an "Ok honey".  Hey guys, put those big boy undies on !!

The point of my rant is that you cannot judge how or why someone does something. Whether it be your friend, your parent, or your spouse.  Their way isn't necessarily wrong, its just not how you would do it. 

***Side note for Todd....this does not mean you can invite people over whenever you want now***

Divorcing, newly married, stuck in a rut, content....either way, this book is a good read and gives you lots of insight on love and marriage.  And just know that no matter what you are going through...someone else is too. Talk it out and then maybe you'll begin to see how most of us all have some common threads to our marriages.  The good, the bad, the ugly...til death do us part. 
(Hopefully naturally, and nobody spending 25 to life...)

A good excuse to not do dishes!

I got my nails "did" yesterday....fingers and toes!! Oh-la-la!
First time trying out that in-and-out nail place at the mall. Ya know the one, with ROWS of chairs and men with masks!  (Why do they have to wear the mask??  My feet don't stink!)

So Mr. Fast and Furious Asian boy/man comes to get me for my pedicure...no mask, hmm...I think he likes me!
He directs me to my vibrating chair and just starts pointing at my feet and then the water.  Ah, it's going to be a sign-language day!  Obvious language barrier...but I don't care as long as he can point I can understand!

"Foot....water....there", Mr. Fast says. Ok, I get that.  A lady sits down next to me and she gets "foot...there".  Poor thing was so confused, so I filled in the blank..."water". 

Next comes what I can only describe as a removal of all layers of skin on my feet. No fancy, relaxing spa treatment here.  He pulls out an old fashion scrub brush and something that resembles an SOS pad.  Oh shit, this is NOT going to feel nice!  I will myself not to pee from holding in my laughter as it tickles like nobodys business.  Yoga-zen-mind control seeks in, and I frantically play solitaire on my blackberry.  Phew...first foot done!  By this time, the lady eyes have exploded as she's watching his scour my feet!  She knows it's her turn next and her knuckles are turning white from clutching the chair so hard.  Her "Mrs" grabs her foot and immediately this lady starts to LOL...really loudly. The nail-lady looks up and says "TICKLE!"...good for a laugh.

The rest of the pedicure was pretty normal, he even rubbed my legs...which at first I was like "OH NO!!!!"...but I'd just shaved the day before and he had gloves on so I chilled out. 

Next came the manicure, which he FORCED me to have...I swear Todd!  I said I wasn't sure if I had enough nail to work with (I'm a biter).  He grabbed my hand and said "That works" so off we went.  He filed, he clipped, he lotioned, and painted. The lady had also caught up to me and now she was getting her forced manicure as well.  (Its such a shame how they MAKE you do these things!!).  

I spent the rest of the night staring at my nails like a little toddler who was attracted to the "shiny".  I even sent Todd pictures, and waited, and waiting for a response telling me how awesome they are....hmm, shoulda thought that one out a little better maybe and sent the picture to Erica instead.

Now I'm in panic mode though...I really didn't think it through as I'm going away this weekend to PEI and we are getting family pictures done by the amazing Jill Hardy!! (http://www.jillhardyphotography.com/).  So why did I get my nails done on a Tuesday when I should have gotten them done on Thursday or Friday?!?  I don't want to touch anything for fear I will ruin it.  I was totally dumb and forgot to buy the same polish from the store for touchups.  I'm hoping Jill is a very good photoshopper and maybe she can color them back in again with magic?!!  I'm doing my best to not ruin them, but I feel like my paranoia is going to get the best of me and by trying to hard to not do anything that I will end up doing something.  I'm going to stay away from the dishes (ooh, so sad.), and I'm typing with the pads of my fingers instead of the tips (so slow!), and I guess I will just pray that these beauties stay nice til Saturday night!!  Or else I may be FORCED to go again....

Wendy and The City!

Well, I don't even know where to start! A mini-break from the blog so I could go on the most amazing, spectacular vacation I could have ever dreamed of!

New York City, NYC, The Big Apple, The City That Never Sleeps!!  I would say this trip turned out to be one of the best weeks of my life.  I love for husband for planning it, and I really can't thank him enough (though I'm sure he'll figure out a way for me to repay him!).

I'm sure I already rambled on enough about this trip already, but it seriously was at the top of my bucket list.  I really never thought I would ever get to go, and I was more than overwhelmed with the amount of stuff we got to do.

We hit every section of Manhattan including a very sketchy trip to China Town to get some very awesome (but fake) Coach & Prada purses! Todd got so excited with all the action that he got involved too and got himself a might-fine "Rolex".  We looked like royalty walking around with all of our 'name brand' stuff (and walmart tshirts! LOL).

It did teach me a lesson though...there are so many knock-offs in that city that even bums on the street had Prada sunglasses.  It really put into perspective for me that while it's fun to have, it's not as 'special' to me as it once one. Like a big eye-opener that life isn't about the "stuff"....especially when everyone else has the same stuff!

I'm reading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth (like 10 years late, I know) but I had just started reading about peoples obsession with stuff and this quote stuck to me....

"As a spiritual practice, I suggest that you investigate your

relationship with the world of things through self-observation"

I was desperate to get the knock-offs. It was a must-do on our trip. Society says I must have the nice purse! But I noticed that as each day passed in NYC, my 'Coach' purse seemed less and less special. The first day I wore it, I was like "look at me and my awesome COACH purse".  I made sure the logo faced out, and wore that damn purse with all the pride in the world. Then I realized nobody gave a shit about my coach purse, because they had one too! Now, don't get me wrong...I will never EVER refuse a good name brand purse (I'm not dumb) but it's like you struggle to get that big thing that you MUST have and then when you get it, it doesn't seem so special anymore.  So then you go...uh, probably could have saved some money and went to Walmart!

I have a REAL (seriously) Prada bag that Todd bought me a few years ago.  From the moment I got it, I was almost terrified to take it out of the house.  I didn't want to get it dirty, or break the zipper, or worse...lose it!  It was a big deal to get it. I'm not even sure why because most of my clothes come from Walmart or Reitmans, and most of the time spending $20.00 for a pair of pants feels like a complete rip-off.  But OMG I love my Prada purse!  But such weird relationship I have with that friggin thing. It's REAL (honestly!) but I feel like when I use it in Halifax people are going to think it's fake (because I'm usually in my walmart tshirts and jeans!).  I almost feel like I should carry the receipt around to show people! (See!! SEE!! It's REAL!).  And on the flip side, now that I have a fake, I feel like people know it's fake and I'm kind of ashamed of it?! I don't know....blame stupid Cosmo magazine.  I want what I can't have and then when I have it I don't want it anymore!  In the book he mentions how everyone strives for the biggest/nicest home or car, or PURSE...but when EVERYONE has the same...where do you go from there?  In the end, you either strive higher to keep stroking your ego, or you begin to realize that your 'stuff' doesn't really matter.

Either way, I'm still super happy that I have my bags...but I think my constant drooling over them may soon disappear.

Back to the trip!! We saw a Broadway show, Cirque du Soleil, a comedy show. We saw them filming Gossip Girl. I got to see The Naked Cowboy, and a random dude in the streets with an 8 foot snake. I really could live there. I'd only be able to afford a cardboard box, but hey, who needs 'stuff' like a house anyway?!

We went to the Museum of Sex (fun!), the Guggenheim (boring!!), and the Museum of Natural History (neat!).  We went to the top of the Empire State Building and Top of the Rock. Saw the sets for SNL, Dr. Oz, and Jimmy Fallon.  It was a BLAST!!!!!

We laughed, we cried, there was even a fight or two (or three) (or four). We were sweaty and sore, I lived on muscle relaxers for the week and could hardly see my feet through the band-aids. 
I really couldn't have asked for a better trip or a better husband to do it all with!