Party in Room 720!

Who knew being stuck in the hospital for 35 hrs could be so much fun!? Well, first of all I guess I should really clarify...it wasn't ME stuck in the hospital, it was LeighAnn and I guess if you asked her she might not have thought it was so much "fun".  But this isn't about her or her low lying placenta...

For starters,  I pulled up to the IWK and it was a like a circus exploded all over the place.  Kids with balloons, and train rides, a clown, toys, C100...it was crazy. All I wanted to do was park in parkade and now I'm dodging toddlers and trying not to drive over their parents.  I go to grab my parking stub and see "FREE PARKING"...SWEET!  Nothing at the IWK is 'free', lord knows I've been there enough with my kiddies and it always costs me a fortune. 

We hang out for a while in her room, waiting for news. It was like waiting for Christmas...and its only boxing day.  Tick...tock....tick...tock...finally Mrs. Cranky Nurse comes in to explain that she's at the bottom of the priority list (a good thing really!) so she's not getting looked at until Monday. So suck it up Buttercup, you're here to stay (for a while at least!).  For some reason the nurse decides that LeighAnn needs to know how a cervix grows, and I'm pretty sure that she was super pissed first-time-mom- LeighAnn couldn't 'properly' explain what type of pain she was feeling.  "Well is it a cramp or a contraction!?!"  I dunno lady...they DO have machines to monitor that...how about ya hook her up to it?!

We might as well get cozy...By this time it's like 8:30 or so, and it's decided that I'm sleeping over.  I'm not really sure if decided is the right word?! Maybe "I'm told" is more appropriate...either way, a night away from my children...I was all over it!! YEP, I'll stay!

So we settle in to magazines, and TV, and some good laughs.   We're banned from leaving the room. They wouldn't even let me take her down the halls with a wheelchair (isn't that the whole point of being in the hospital!?)  She can basically get up to pee, which she does alot of cause she's 35 weeks preggo and that's what we do when we're preggo....pee.  Pee and complain! 

Bedtime arrives and I make my cot in the corner.  There's a light on over the cot and I feel around to find the light switch.  I find the right one but it won't turn the light off, it only makes it brighter. Whatever...I give up and go to bed with my 'nightlight' on!    I have an ok enough sleep.  There's a few dreams of baby Owen making an early appearance, and I'm sweating my ass off because of the plastic mattress. But all is ok...no kids, no husband, no dog or cat...I won't complain!

I'm up pretty early, and I'm just chilling out while LeighAnn sleeps as the nurse comes in to check on her. She comments on the light and asks why I didn't shut it off. I said the switch was broken, but apparently I look like a lady that can't be trusted because she felt the need to fiddle with it for five mins before she finally gave up and told me it was broken...really?!  She goes over to put the medication on LeighAnn's tray, and in the process of that ends up scaring the shit out of LeighAnn so there goes any further sleep for either of us!! It was pretty funny though, so kinda worth it.

Breakfast...one word:  PATHETIC!  Remember that this is a hospital for women, mainly PREGNANT women....and here is her breakfast:

I'm not sure if she laughed or cried when she first saw this?!  That is a breakfast for an anorexic toddler....not an adult, and certainly not a pregnant one!  Seriously?!  Thank god our health care is free cause if she was paying for all this she'd be pissed! A quick trip to Tim's for a bagel and she was at least off to a better start.  Lunch and supper weren't really much better either...though WE did manage to make the best of it. We also had Subway, and cookies, and pizza too so overall neither one of us starved.

Nap time...LeighAnn is snoozing and I'm reading when all of a sudden it's like we're under attack. WTH is on the roof?!  I look out the window and see a helicopter. Not exactly a common occurrence, but then I look up, and see the helipad is right above her window!  Noisy! Holy crap...I don't know how she slept through it and I still think she thinks I made it up, but DUDE...there was a frickin helicopter above our heads.

You can't tell she's pregnant from behind, she has no stretch marks, and her boobs are still perky without a bra (for now!). Really, I should hate her, and for all the post-pregnancy women out there I feel like I should have smothered her with a pillow or at least punched her or something.
But she's one of the few skinny bitches that I don't hate so I spared her the agony...

Now, lets all send some good vibes to her so that baby Owen stays on the inside for a few more weeks!!

from one baby mama to another...XOXO

 

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...

Did you know that if you line your yoga map up with the crack between the mirrors that you will look at least 50 lbs skinnier?!  I know it now!  Never in my life have I felt so skinny!  Helllloooo gorgeous!! Where the hell did you come from? 

**WHISTLE WHISTLE**

The only downside...it's only half your body that gets skinny. My left side looked like Cindy Crawford, my right...Rosie O'Donnell.  Whatever, ya win some, ya lose some.

I spend half the class trying to position myself just right. It was a treat to see my former self.  The two-kids-ago body.  The one I'll never see again!!   And, no it's not a pity party...this is ACCEPTANCE!  My hips shifted during both pregnancies (if that's really possible I don't know?!) but they did...my hip bones moved out at least two inches on each side. But that doesn't mean that I don't miss them from time to time. My awesome 16yr old hips.  I'd also take my 16 yr old boobs for a test drive or two also, especially now that I would actually appreciate them!

..........I interrupt this blog to say that I'm watching the last Oprah show as I try to type this, and tears are streaming down my face. Its like I just lost my black mother......and I'm pretty sure if Oprah was my mama she would have taught me how to use bleach!...........

OK, phew...wipe those tears away!! Like my hips, I must also accept that Oprah will not be a daily part of my life.  Sad.  Although the last few years of her show have sometimes been a little too preachy for me.  But I just love her 'aha' moments, lord knows she given me quite a few.

What?! Yeah, back to my skinny ass in the mirror.  Best part of my day!  Now I'm thinking I should go buy two wall mirrors from Walmart and put them side by side so I can experience it every morning before I get dressed. I could move from left side to right side, back and forth, and then do it all over again! But then I remembered that we broke up with Walmart.  Really though, I made the kids breakup with Walmart, I didn't really mean me... 

I definitely think I'll give up my fight for the corner in the back and make my permanent move to the crack! 

La-la-la-la Elmo's World

Never bring a new red towel to yoga!

I usually try to take older towels to yoga, but there's always that time of the month, FINE...week, that there's no clean towels so I end up taking one of the "better" ones. At my house "better" is being very generous.  I typically can't find a towel to save my life anyway. There's a problem with reusing towels in this house. I tried to get the kids to hang them back up again for the next shower but usually they end up in a nasty ball in their closet. Forget about reusing my yoga towels too (YUCK!).  If I manage a few days with an actually stack on clean towels in my closet then I'm doing very well. 

Besides the lack of reusing, there's also the towels that the kids have decided to use to clean their bikes, or that hubby has used to wipe his greasy hands. Plus there's the multiple towels that have bleach stains cause for some reason I thought that you could use bleach on colors as long as you used the little bleach tray thingy on your washing machine. Guess what!  That's NOT true!  Add that to the list of things my Mama never taught me....along with how to sew, iron, cook...yeah Mom...I'm blaming you!

So tonight, there's one lonely towel in the closet.  Guess it's time to throw in a load of laundry.  I grab my very new, hardly washed, RED towel to take with me. 

Halfway through the crazy HOT Hot Fusion class I notice a huge cut on my foot. Weird...when did that happen? It kinda looks like a huge scratch up the top of my foot.  I bend down to touch it and realize it's not a scratch at all....it's a friggin thread off my towel!  Carry on....no big deal.  Until I notice a "scratch" on my leg, and then my other leg, and now there's one on my arm, and all over my fingers.  WTF!  First though, if this is all over my face I'm going to die!!!!  I'm covered in red fluff!  Second though...if this is all over my face I probably look like Elmo! 

Well, OMG........for the rest of the class all I could hear in my head was....
"La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, Elmo's World!!"

Maybe tomorrow night I'll bring a blue one and work on my inner Cookie Monster.

Week ? -- All good things come to an end...

I just realized today is the first day in 7 weeks that I have no assigned yoga mission for the week.  It was like waking up after your birthday or Christmas...and realizing you'll have to wait another full year before you get to do it again.  365 days!!!  Horrible!

I could go back to my old ways.....OR...I could come up with my own challenges! YEAH!

I was thinking I still feel like I work on acceptance, forgiveness, and probably patience too.  Heck, my list could go on and on...hmm, I should actually make a list.

Week 8 - Acceptance (my hubby is officially home for good so there will be an interesting period of interruption to the flow of the household)
Week 9 - Forgiveness (uhh...see Week 8, hubby is home. There WILL be a fight of some sort)
Week 10 - Forgiveness (this topic may need two weeks)
Week 11 - Patience (see Week 8 AND 9/10...)
Week 12 - Team work!
Week 13 - Organization (kids are getting ready to go to PEI, & we are going to NYC!!!)

I can't mentally commit to much longer than that...my brain functions in short bursts only!

That's my plan and we'll see if I can stick to it...

W7D4 -- Front or Back?

Dilemma of my yoga life...back of the class or right up front by the mirror?

If I go to the back I'm more comfortable.  If I go to the front I am challenging my inner voice that tells me I don't belong at the front of the room.  In my mind, the front is for the skinny bitches or the yoga pros.  Not for moi! 

If I go to the back I can watch everyone and make sure I'm doing it right. If I go to the front then, by default, I become the one being watched.  Are they looking at my ass? )(Probably my clenched ass!)  Are they secretly laughing at me because I'm doing it all wrong?  I know, I know...nobody is really supposed to look but come on!!

If I go to the back I can't see myself.  If I go to the front I can see my alignment and correct myself better. Although, I can also see my sweaty body, and the clingy clothes. Not so good for the self esteem ;-0

If I go to the back I don't have to put in 100% effort. Nobody sees if my runner's lunge is a lunge or more of a lean.  If I go to the front then I feel the need to push myself to the limits of my poses, sometimes probably too much.

See my dilemma?!

The only time I don't have this issue is in the little room (no mirrors!!)  I sort of prefer the middle of the room. No full commitment on either end. 

So tonight I go and drop my mat in the middle of the room. There's another row available right in front of me.  A nice little comfort zone...perfect!

We go get changed, and then sit around chatting until it's time for class to start.
I walk into class....ahh man...nobody went in front of us.  Melissa and I shoot each other same look...SHOOT!!  We're FRONT ROW!    The pressure is now on us.  Everyone is looking!!  Listen, in my head everyone was looking OK!

Next time I'm thinking we move to row three just to be on the safe side!
The only time I want to be front row is at a concert.

W7D3 - We'll all sleep easier tonight.

“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it”

Saturday night I hear a knock at my door. It's my crazy (seriously) neighbor, and she's crying.  Great, just friggin peachy...what does she want now?!

"John (our neighbor, my friend), is dying, and the ambulance guys said if we wanted to say our goodbyes we should do it now" WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!! Panic city...I rush over, I'm not even sure my feet touched the ground.  The door is shut, I know I can't go in. I sit and wait...and ..wait a minute?!....The paramedics would NEVER tell someone that!  For sure definitely not a random person on the street.  What the hell?  So I calm down, she's a nut job anyway, and I can smell the booze from three feet away.  I'm assuming something is wrong, but I'm not expecting the worst anymore.  A few minutes later, the door opens and there stands John in the doorway. He's gray...GRAY.  But he's standing so I know he'll be fine. Heart attack.  Not surprising if you knew John, but I also know that he's pretty stubborn and he'll be ok.  He leaves by ambulance and I'm given instructions to watch his cat as the house keys get passed to me.  Phew...that's the least I can do considering...a sigh of relief and a big deep breath.

Crazy neighbor pats me on the back and asks if I'm ok. It was all my might not to push her over and then punch her in the face.  I ask..."OK? Are YOU ok?! That was a bit of an exaggeration don't ya think?!"  She says, "Well, I just don't deal well with things like this"....yeah, no shit.  Crazy nut job.

A few hours later, I get the update from the hospital, all is good, he'll be fine.  Like a rock lifted off my chest, I finally calm down and head to bed.  Though the night before was stressful, there was a calmness of knowing he would be ok. That night I had one of the best sleeps I've had in a while. I was even up and alert before the alarm went off. Just so rested.

Until I went outside...

The craziness with my neighbor is not new. She's an alcoholic, with mental issues and she's not medicated...unless you count the cheap wine.  She has two kids, that she only gets visitation with because of her drinking.  It was supervised, but because she's also a good little liar she had those removed and started to have the kids by herself.  It didn't take me too long to realize that she was not all there. The kids spent a lot of time at my house, which I thought was very weird considering she only had them a few hours each week!?  Then I realized...ah, she's one of those Moms...the ones that only want the kids so the Dad can't have the kids.  Most times, the kids would show up at my house five minutes after they were dropped off by Dad and they would stay until five minutes before Dad picked them up.  They'd only go home for supper and then would be right back again.

Child protective services was filled in on EVERYTHING, and I guess in the end they decided that Mom was good enough...drunk and all. I guess that's considered a pass for parenthood. As I was told..."it's not like you've never drank around your kids before".   Sure, the answer to that would be yes.  I've drank, but I know 100% I've never been fall down drunk around them. My word against hers, nothing I can do.  Anyway, carry on a few more months, same ol' crap.  She's just plain horrible.  A very sad, pathetic lady.  And so it seems, there's not a damn thing I can do but make sure that I keep the kids here as much as possible. It's gotten to the point that I don't plan much around their visits so that my home is always available to them.

Tonight, I'm getting home from yoga, and "Dad" is in her driveway. Weird...he always picks the kids up by 7pm and it's almost 8:30 now.  I jump out and ask if everything  is ok?  Nope...turns out crazy neighbor has barricaded herself and the kids in her house because she decided she wanted to keep them tonight. The cops are here, and in her house trying to calm her down (Perhaps she should give yoga a try!).  Finally, they come back outside again. The house is infested with fleas, the kids are covered in bites, the house is "unsanitary and unhealthy" for children, so they call CPS and get permission to remove the children.  It takes a while, some screaming and yelling from crazy neighbor but finally they get the kids out relatively quietly and in to Dad's car.

I've never felt such relief as tonight.  I said goodbye to the kids and I'm not even sure if I'll ever see them again, which makes me very sad yet happy all at the same time.  It's been over a year of worrying, and stressing out, and trying my best to deal with the situation.  In the matter of an hour it was all over.  The kids are safe, and will be so much better off.  I'm a firm believer in the fact that two parents are not always better than one! Even on her best day she's still despicable so this is nothing short of a miracle that they were taken away before she did any more harm to them. 

As the kids pulled away, and the police drove off, it was all I could do to hold back the tears.  Tears of joy, tears of relief, tears of PEACE!

I get the feeling tonight's gonna be another great sleep!

Week 7 - Be Peace

I can't believe our LYM Challenge is almost over! It seems like just last week I was freaking out about having to eat vegetarian for a week!!

This week's challenge is to practice Savasana five days in a row for at least 20 mins each time.  For my non-yoga followers...Savasana is also known as Corpse pose...and is basically lying flat on your back, while you practice Pranayama breathing. Your mind should be clear of thoughts, yet you should be present in the pose. Sound easy? Yeah, try it...and see if you can do it without thinking about anything!  Quieting the mind is not something that comes naturally to me!

Here's a typical rundown of my thoughts before bed:

I'm so tired, I shouldn't have stayed up to watch Grey's Anatomy.  I wonder if I'll ever get to meet President Obama...wouldn't that be cool to meet him? I've "met" Bill Clinton twice, and he's so dreamy. I really wish he would take me out for dinner and dancing. Ooh, Dancing with the Stars, I have to remember to watch the recaps.   Shit, Grace wanted me to buy her a hat and I forgot.  I wonder what it's like for people with Alzheimer's, that's sad.  OMG, I hope my grandparents don't get Alzheimer's. What would I do? I guess they could live with me but I wonder if Todd would be ok with me taking leave from work to deal with that?  I have to remember to book my vacation for July. What am I going to do for Grace's birthday this year? She's going to be nine. Nine! I can't believe she'll be.....FRIG...I forgot to get gas. I hope I can make it to work in the morning. Maybe I should call in sick, no I can't call in sick, I have that meeting...Holy crap, I'm really going to miss Grey's Anatomy while it's off this summer. Summer TV sucks...I'm so tired. Did I lock the door? Hmm, what about the car? That dog better not wake me up tonight. What's that noise? 

And that's just the first five minutes...

But..here comes another yoga blessing in disguise....Savasana.  The deep breathing is so therapeutic and it's been working wonders for putting me to sleep.   I would say it was typically close to an hour before I fell asleep at night. Now...I can hardly remember even going up to bed.  Now it's more like....I can't wait for the finale of Survivor, I love Boston Rrrr....snooooorreee.

This has been working out so well for me that I actually fell asleep in yoga class last week.  I'm pretty sure you're not actually supposed to fall asleep. I think you're supposed to be 'at one with your mind and body' and that shouldn't really happen but it did for me! 

I do have a very legit defense though....

I typically go into the room 15-20mins early to relax and get used to the heat. Classes are usually very busy. There's constantly people coming and going. Even though it's supposed to be a "silent room" there's always something.  Someone sneezes, or coughs. Some people don't understand the concept of tip-toeing, and there's always someone opening or closing the door.  A few people must have cement mats or at least that's how it sounds when they THROW it to the ground.  So, generally there's not chance of really getting comfortable. You are just comfortable enough to practice the breathing but there's always a distraction.

That particular night though, it was very quiet. It was a 90 minute class and those aren't usually full.  I went in, my usual 15 mins early, and got all comfy in the hot room.  I vaguely remember a door opening, and maybe a mat or two being put on the ground. The next thing you know I feel someone shaking my foot. Huh?! What?!  I open my eyes and see Princess Estelle leaning over me and giggling.   I'm so confused and not even sure where I am? I know I love Estelle, but I can't seriously be dreaming about her?! What is going on?!  I realize I'm in yoga class and have that moment of panic.  What the hell just happened?! Was I asleep?? OMG, I snore!! Was I snoring?!?!?!

I spent the rest of the class kind of out of my element....I was so focused on what did or did not happen? For a while I thought maybe Estelle was just saying Hi, but then that seemed really weird and didn't make any sense so I quickly came back to the fact that I must have fallen asleep. The final Savasana was not so great that night...I was so paranoid I thought of nothing BUT whether or not I was really sleeping?!

Turns out yes, confirmed by Estelle.  I was indeed sleeping, and was indeed snoring. Though she says it wasn't that bad...I'm not sure I believe her?!  Anyone and everyone who knows me would say my snoring IS bad...think truck driver with a cold.

Either way, I was obviously relaxed so I am very pleased with this week's final challenge. Staying in Savasana won't be a problem this week. I just apologize up front to anyone near me in class!!

W6D7 - If I would have known...

While surfing the books at Chapters this week for some interesting reads, I came across a book called "What I know now: Letters to my Younger Self"... and it sort of stuck with me.  It seems that everyday I'm learning more and more about myself, and I'm really starting to let go of the emotions that held me back before. I've done a lot of not-so-great things in my life.

What do I wish someone would have told me? What would I have said to myself? Here goes...

Dear 12yr old Wendy,

Love...

It's summertime, you are a few months shy of your birthday and you are babysitting that night. Your friend dares you to call a boy that you are madly in love with. This "boy" is way older than you, he shouldn't even be answering your phone call...but he does.  Before you know it, plans are made to go to his house after you're done babysitting. You and your friend will go to his house and stuff will happen that will change your life forever. Your friend will tell someone, who'll tell someone, who'll tell twenty someones and the next thing you know you'll be known...and not in a good way.  It will shock you how people, who aren't even in your school, will know everything. Every little detail.  The "boy" will be tortured by his peers and his life will never be the same either (rightfully so)...but it will take you 15 years to realize that none of that was your fault.  He never should have answered the phone...

I wish I would have known that the next time, which should have been your first time, was the one you should have cherished. This is the one that will count. The second time will be with the one you loved, with the one who held your heart for years for years before and years to come.  He was the one who was your "first true love" and that is the memory you should hold on to. 

You'll have plenty more heartbreak before these years are over. Boys will come and go, and most of them won't leave a very big impression on your life. But one will...he'll be the one that respected you so much he never pressured you for anything. He'll be the one that will search for you at the end of the night, he'll find you in the hallways at school and give you that glance. Few people will know about this relationship and it's just the way you both like it. He'll be the one you spend lazy afternoons with. He'll send you little messages and make you feel special. He'll be the one known as your "second true love". But he will also be the first one to really break your heart....he will not survive, he will leave this world too soon. So this boy is the one I will tell you to treasure every moment with as you never know which one will be your last.

Your "third true love" will come at just the right time.  He'll be there to pull you through the hard times. He'll make you want to grow up, and he'll be the one you grow old with.  At first, life will seem so hard and unfair. You'll struggle together to make ends meet. You'll question his devotion and love for years to come. You'll fight and make up, fight and break-up, but in the end he'll be the one.  He'll be the one that will surprise you when you least expect it. You'll be the one he calls first.  Both of you will do wrong, but you'll also both do right.  At the end of the day you'll know each other inside and out. He'll be the father of your children, the third love of your life. You'll know the saying in true...good things come in threes. 
He'll save you in more ways than one...and he'll rub it in your face each day to come!  He'll be the shoulder you cry on, the one who makes you laugh, he'll be the one who understands you and really has your back.

So, dear Wendy, don't let the rest of the boys bug you...in the end you'll find the one that will make you say "I do"...

Wendy

W6D4 -- One of Those Days...

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**Written last night, but the site was down, so its really Thursday I was talking about, not today!!***

It started last night with a frantic phone call from my hubby’s friend. He NEEDED Metallica tickets, and he NEEDED them right away. He would be working at noon when the tickets went on sale so my hubby reminded him that I work for the Federal Government so I’m on the internet all the time. *TRUE ENOUGH, I won't argue...*

I agreed to buy him his tickets at noon, even though I am a concert guru and KNEW the tickets would not sell out. Outdoor concerts don’t “sell out”, especially not on the first day. Anyway, who am I to argue with a true-blue Metallica fan?!

Around 10 am, I can feel my purse start to vibrate. No, no, no….get your mind outta the gutter! It’s my BB and it’s beeping like crazy. I wait til break and check it….two missed calls from the school. NEVER a good thing! In the 6 years I’ve had kids in school I’ve come to learn its usually because one of them is sick or hurt or both! But I’ve also learned that 9 out of 10 times they aren’t really that sick. Just not feeling good. I don’t play nice Mommy when they are just “not feeling good”. You have to be throwing up or bleed before the sympathy card kicks in. So, because I am just that awesome of a mom, I told the secretary I’d be there when I could and went back to my course! I know the game, I’d go get her, she’d be fine by lunch, and I’d be stuck repeating this crappy course in a month’s time.

It’s almost lunch time, and I’m being bombarded by my husband, his friend, and the school again. The secretary tells me Grace is now asleep in the corner of her classroom and she thinks she really is sick. “Sick--Sick” and the teacher agrees. They both know Grace’s “games” so when they say she’s really sick I believe them. I talked with the instructor and she makes arrangements for me to come back tomorrow (on my day off!) to write the test. So I haul ass out the gates, up the hill and to my car. By now, not only are hubby and friend texting me, but friend is also calling me. I’m rushing to get over the bridge so I can park and login to buy the tickets. (Grace can wait a few more minutes…) I pull over, get to the website, and the damn site is down. I’m still getting messages from hubby and friend, and now they are annoying the hell out of me!! I keep hitting ignore so I don’t lose my page, and keep hitting refresh so I can hopefully get somewhere. Nope, not happening! So I give up, the boys will wait.

I get to the school, rush in like the caring mother that I am, and look for Grace. The secretary tells me that Grace woke up, and didn’t want to stay in the school by herself while everyone went out for recess so she went outside with them. I yell OMG…I’ll shoot her if she’s faking!!! The secretary, teacher, and TA are all insisting , for certain that she’s really sick. OK…I head outside to find her. I look on the benches because that’s where a sick child would logically hang out. Not there. I check the steps. Not there. We start asking who’s seen her, and a few kids say over by the playground. Now, I know my sick child would NOT be playing on the playground would she!? Never! Not my child!!

WRONG! There she is hanging on the monkey bars.
@#$%Y^&%&^&@@#……….FFRRRIGGIN child! She sees me and comes running, with a big smile on her face. Apparently her little nap made her feel “much better Mommy” and she didn’t bother to tell any of the teachers. I give her the “if I go back to work, I’m NOT coming back to get you” speech and she agrees she’ll stay.

Crap…the tickets!!

I run home and grab the laptop…site’s still down.

I have two options:
1. Lie and tell the boys that I got the tickets and then get them tomorrow.
OR
2. Go to the NEEDS, and buy them directly.

Hmmm…I have 20 mins left to get back to work to write the test. Can I do it?! I better get a thank you for this! I drive to the store. Hmmm, no lineups?! So weird right? It’s like people know that this isn’t going to SELL OUT! I rush in, there’s only two people ahead of me. I wait my turn, and then realize…friend gave me his credit card number to pay for all the tickets…but I can’t just be rhyming off numbers to the clerk. UH OH! I run back out to the car, grab my visa, and get back in line. $1400 later…I have 12 Metallica tickets in hand and two very happy guys in my life. I even got an “I love You”…and it wasn‘t from my husband!

Now I have 10 mins to get across the bridge, through the gate and back to the classroom to write the test. DRIVE!!!!!!!!!
I managed to do it in 15 minutes. Not too shabby…I write the test, 55 minutes later I’m back in the car and on my way home again. PHEW!!
No sick kid, tickets to Metallica, and I finished the test, oh and I’m off tomorrow.
Not too bad afterall….

W6D2 -- OMG, guess what I figured out!!

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So my mission for the week is...was....to figure out the 40 poses in Sanskrit. Yeah, guess what?! AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!!!  LOL 
I'm not giving up, I'm just shifting gears and moving in a new direction. 

You know when you are put on the spot and then you're brain freezes? Well, last night while I was trying to just put the English words to paper. I am nowhere near 40 poses and I'm so confused?!  Am I in the same class as everyone else?! Where are the FORTY poses?  I have 28...

Next step, I'm frustrated and annoyed that I can't figure out the other 12, so I moved on to the always trustworthy internet. If it's on the internet then it must be right, right?!  I decide I will start to look up the Sanskrit translations so I google "Pigeon pose Sanskrit"...uh...WTF is this:

This is nowhere near how I look when I do pigeon!!  (Just in case the obvious bulge in this picture didn't clue you in...that is not me in the picture!) Hit the back button...turns out this is "King Pigeon".  Well, excusez-moi!

OR...as it turns out if you dig a little deeper...perhaps this is Pigeon or King Pigeon or some kind of bird?!



All I know is that I've just spent 20 mins on the internet and I'm more confused than ever.  This is "MY" pose...this one should be easy LOL

Ok, I finally manage to find a decent looking site, with pictures that mostly look like the poses I do. So I begin...copy/paste into Excel...I will get this down by the end of the week.  No problem!   As time goes by, a few hours, I begin to piece it together.  There's Savasana..easy..Tadasana...sounds like magic!  And there's Ustrasana, Balasana, Anantasana....OMG, this is going to be so easy!  Plus, how cute is it that they all rhyme?  Every single one of them ends in "ASANA".  That's like a bonus in memorizing words...

Fast forward to tonight's class. I meet up with Stephanie before class and we do our usual chit chat.  I bring up the words, and how frustrated I was with all the interpretations...but I'm super stoked that I figured out that all of the poses end in "ASANA".

Well....I don't know if I've ever seen such a shocked/surprised look. My split second reaction was...WOW, I just taught Stephanie something about yoga!! Then I realized she was laughing so hard...and I wasn't laughing?!  Is she laughing AT me?!  Yes, she is. 

Turns out that "ASANA" means POSE!!!  As in...child's POSE, corpse POSE, pigeon POSE. Duh! No wonder they all end that way! OMG...embarrassing..YES!  Good thing Stephanie is used to this lack of yoga knowledge as I once commented on having no clue why Emilie always says "Om, Shanti, Shanti, Shanti...Peace, Peace, Peace"....for those who lack the knowledge as well...Shanti means PEACE!!  It's a chant, and like all chants, it's repeated three times.  So really, she's saying "Peace"...just three times in Sanskrit, and three in English. 

Thank goodness for Stephanie or I'd still be running around all proud of myself for making such "progress" LOL

Day one and two turned out to be an epic fail in the Sanskrit department...but I did rock "Wheel" or...URDHVA DHANURASANA on my own AGAIN for the 2nd time without help! 

a·sa·na/ˈäsənə/

Noun: A yoga posture

Week 6 - I am so smart...SMRT.

Week 6 of the LYM Challenge --- Live to Learn!


This week I "have to" dedicate at least 1hr a day to reading, particularly about things that interest me. Easy! Done! Already do it!  I more than love to read. Give me a book and you might as well have given me gold.  I actually read so much that books start to blur and I'm not sure if I really read it, just read the back of it or maybe someone just told me about and now I'm really confused! 

I read cereal boxes, and manuals, and the back of shampoo bottles. It's not unusual for me to waste hours of my week just reading random stuff online. I love bios too, anything from Betty White to Bill Clinton, to George Bush Jr. (do not judge me!! I got the audio version hoping to hear his 'dumbness' but turns out they super-edited him...still a very good listen though).

My children are avid readers, and avid question askers!  So, my new best buddy has been Mr. Google. There's always a question that I can't answer..."Mom, what's the difference between federal and provincial elections".......uh GOOGLE IT!  "Mom, what language do they speak in South Africa"....uhhhhh....GOOGLE IT!! "Mom, when was WW2"...Geez, doesn't this child know by now...GOOGLE IT!!! When we are watching something of importance on TV I always keep the laptop by me and pretend I'm on FB just so I can google the questions they ask me and then I pretend I totally knew the answer...DUH!

Now, I'm not the dumbest cookie in the jar. I'll give myself credit where credit is due. I am pretty smart.  But I either know it or I don't. If it doesn't interest me forgetaboutit (did you say that in your head like an Italian?! If not, go back and do it please as that's how it's supposed to sound...DO IT!)  History, math, religion...forgetaboutit. I don't want to learn about space, or atoms, or why the sky is blue. Forgetaboutit...too boring!

But give me a celebrity trivia question and WATCH OUT!  Bam!  Movies, music, geography, random facts, useless knowledge, life skills, puzzles....I'm good to go. I can kick most asses at Wheel of Fortune and don't even mess with me at Jeopardy. Besides my secret crush on Alex Trebek (SQUEAL!), I'm just friggin good at the game. 

I like to learn new things and challenge myself at the oddest things. I will replay songs until I know all the lyrics. I put a puzzle together and then pull it apart and see if I can do it faster, or from left to right, of inside to outside. 

This week's challenge is going to turn into an obsession.  The supersize part of this challenge is to learn the pronunciation and meaning of the Sanskrit names for all the Moksha postures.  So I guess this means no more "ya know the one where your foot goes here and your arms do that" or "the sideways what-ja-ma-callit".  First of all, I have to figure out what poses they are talking about...isn't there like 40 or something in the regular series? Eagle, prayer twist, camel...OMG, I can only think of three?! REALLY?  I'm sure half-childpose-half-dying-on-the-mat isn't one...
Wait....PIGEON POSE!!  Ok, four.  Warrior 1, 2 and 3.  Dancer's pose, tree, and bridge....Phew, that's 10. Almost there. Ok, so by next Sunday...I will know all 40?!, I will be able to half-assed pronounce the Sanskrit version and I will sort of know what they mean! 

Now...which one of my yoga teachers is most susceptible to bribes?! 

W5D6 - Dear John...uh, I mean Jeremy and Grace!

To My Children,


If I never buy you a toy again for the rest of your life, just know it's because I pulled 8 bags of CRAP out of our house today and have barely scratched the surface!!

The next time you ask me for a toy at Walmart, I will have to remind you of the bags and bags of stuff that we dropped off to the Salvation Army because "you didn't want it anymore". I will remind of you the toys that were broken, and the toys with missing pieces. You'll question why, "Why Mom, why can't I get the new _______?", and I will simple say, "Because, Sweetie, I don't make enough money to support your destructive lifestyle". 

I will make sure you have food on your plate, and a roof over your head, and I'll probably even let you pick out clothes from time to time....but me and you and our relationship with Walmart are OVER!!  That's right kids, we just broke up with Walmart!

Walmart is not good for you. Walmart makes you feel bad. Oh, sure, it makes you feel great for a brief moment in time...but then what?!  It takes  your money, it gives you crappy toys that never work right, and it doesn't care if it's you or Tim Bucktoo who shows up.

It's OK that you are sad, it will take time for your hearts to heal.  But eventually you will learn to start seeing other stores.  They may not be the same, they may treat you differently but I promise you it will be OK.

Because I love you, and hope for a happy future for you I will not make you break up with Chapters. Chapters is responsible, and makes you use your brain.  Chapters has always been a nice and stable figure in our lives.  Nothing like that sleazy Walmart. So for you, my loves, I will continue to let you see Chapters.

One day, when you are older, you will understand and you will forgive me.
For now, if you don't like it, you can go to your room and read your books!

Love Mom
XOXO

W5D3 -- Are you talkin' to me?!

Like my FB page:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Pigeon-Pose-Emotions/230206560392271

So just like I'm sure Taylor was talking directly to me about my clenched ass, I'm pretty sure tonight's pick-me-up from Estelle was also only for me!! .

I love, love, love being taught by Estelle. Her french, soft voice is soothing, and reminds me of, ok...don't laugh, cause I am weird, and have weird thoughts...but when Estelle talks it makes me think that's how it would sound if you were being read a story by a princess (the Disney kind, not the England kind).  I don't know why...like I said I am weird...

I went to class tonight all whiney and sookie...like a toddler having a tantrum. I wasn't even going to go because I was tired, and bitchy, and I just felt like sitting home eating cookies all night.  (Can you say PMS?!) But thanks to my very frustrating husband, who pissed me off tonight, I dragged/drug/?! my ass to yoga to release some stress. Isn't it funny how a guy can be 3000kms away from you but still find away to ANNOY you!!  But, sweet baby bunnies, that's an entirely other blog!
(xoxo to Todd, by the time you read this I'm sure I'll like you again)

I'm all chilled out and ready to lay in Savasana when she starts talking about not letting the little things get you down. Appreciate what you have and focus on the good, not the bad.  Those aren't her exact words, but that's what I took from it.

She talks about that, and then she finishes with a quote about change and not holding back. WELLL FRIG...PMS + Estelle's voice + soft music ='s Wendy bawling in the corner of the yoga room.  One of those lip quivering cries which thank god I kept quiet. Thanks to the overwhelming feelings I get when I do Pigeon, I've learned to cry without noise in yoga class! LOL 

As usual, I always seem to leave yoga in a much better mood than when I arrived (tonight included!).  But tonight was extra special for me. Not only did I get some very nice words of encouragement from Estelle from my last post but I'm also pretty sure she was talking directly to ME tonight and only me....so shhhh...don't tell the others ;-)

Thank you Estelle!

Job vs Career

I know I missed my calling...I did not grow up thinking "yeah, I want to be a generic government employee". 

My life was on a downward spiral until I got pregnant at 16, so I consider myself very fortunate that I've gotten as far as I have. I don't think I would have even graduated from high school if it weren't for my son. I knew from my first day of morning sickness that I was not going to be like all the other teenage moms I knew (welfare).  I got my GED, took an admin assistant course, and I've slowly moved up the chain of better paying jobs ever since. Turns out though, I have a "job", not a career...and it's a job that does nothing for me, is never going to get me anywhere close to being fulfilled and will probably turn me into stereotypical lazy, whiny government employee within a few more years...or less.

I don't know if it's because I'm almost thirty (OMG!) or if it's all this yoga but these last few months have been a mentally draining, roller coaster of a ride for me.  I find myself searching the internet for hours on all sorts of life topics. I've been reading "deeper" books, instead of my typical murder mysteries (we all know who did it anyway!)

Marriage, work, kids, family issues, friends, money...all things that just months ago really used to really stress me out.  Divorce was a common word.  I left work ready to pull my hair out. My son was growing horns and a little devil tail. Don't get me wrong, it's not all sugar and lollipops but I can see a big bright light at the end of the tunnel.  No, not THAT light. I just know that whatever life brings, I will deal with it to the best of my ability and move on!

It's also made me question why am I wasting my time in a shitty job that I hate? I just left a job that I loved, but stressed me out. Now I'm in a job I hate but it's so relaxed I could practically fall asleep.  I know I'm smarter than that. I know I am more valuable than that. I am better than this crappy job.

I think about going back to school all the time.  But how can I do that? I can't afford it. Would it work? Could I do it? Probably not, at least not without a huge financial sacrifice. 
Then I go back to watching Glee and forget about it til next week... 

I've always wanted to be a nurse. NICU or labor & delivery. But now,  I really feel like my time is up. That dream is over. One or two years of upgrading, 4 years of university...I'd be over 35 and starting a new CAREER but also tied down with student loans.  I would love, love, love to be either of those.  Birth fascinates me.  I've experienced it twice on my own, and have been privileged enough to be with two of my friends while they gave birth. Something about being there, in the first moments of life, is very spiritual and calming to me.  I like being there to help, to calm, to be part of the experience.  I coulda, shoulda, woulda...
.
Now, as I sit here watching the election, I find myself surfing NSCC courses and thinking maybe it would be a pleasant detour in life to take some courses. It may not be nursing, but they have mental health recovery programs, another soft spot in my heart.  My biological father is bipolar. I've had my fair share of exposure to "crazy". I've been through the rages of teenage years. Drug use, sex, alcohol, juvenile detention.  I've been there, done that in a lot of situations.  I feel like I could offer something to someone out there who needs help. It's a hell of lot cheaper, less time, and less pre-requirements. Hmmm...

Week 5 of our LYM Challenge is to "Reach Out". Part of that is looking at volunteer options. This may be the next step in my life towards something better. Something to make me feel more useful. It's like that feeling of not being complete. I have the husband, I have the kids, and the house and the car.  I have the dog, and the cat too.  All I am missing is the opportunity to help others, and in turn help myself.

Always desire to learn something useful...