Two Turtles

It's our 10 year anniversary today!!!  For anyone who's known us that is a HUGE accomplishment!!
I was pretty sure I'd be divorced by the time I was 30, and that's in November, so I really think I'm running out of time...*kidding...sort of?!*

It's funny that as the years go by we sort of get better and better....like wine (or so they say, cause I still can't find one I like!).  I love him more and more as I see my previously-very-immature husband grow into a real man. He loves me more and more with each beer he drinks (funny how that works?!)

He calls when he's going to be late, he announces his plans well in advance versus the 2 minutes of notice I used to get.  He asks if I want help with laundry....he ASKS!!!!!!  Holy crap!
He's on kid-duty in the morning. He cares about what the yard looks like, where two years ago we might as well have bought some goats to take care of it. 

Maybe this should be more of a "Todd's getting more mature" post...but let me get back to the reasons I love him!  (it's ok, groan...I would)

It's awesome to watch him get teary-eyed when he pretends not to be. I love that, even though he'd never admit it, he loves babies as much as I do.  He's stubborn as molasses, always has to be right, hates not having the last word....he's so much like me how can I not love him!?

I was 19 when we got married. He was 26 (and yes, do the math, he's obviously a pervert too!).  I'm not even sure how we decided to get married. There was no fancy proposal, or romantic evening to celebrate.  I think it sort of went like "...hmm, we are living together, and already have a kid...should we get married?!", and that was from me.  I vaguely remember the warmth of him peeing himself right there on the spot...
Somehow, he agreed to it and the next thing you know we were picking out rings together. 
Being the responsible people that we are, we used part of my student loan to buy a ring and pay for a good chunk of the wedding.  Next thing I knew, I was running with it. We (I) made our own invitations, flower bouquets, decorations, party favors, and programs.  I went, by myself, to try on wedding dresses....I hate to shop.  I flipped through the dresses on the rack, grabbed one I like that my size and BAM...I had my wedding dress. It didn't even need to be altered.  I guess that's what happens when you are a size 5 *sigh*.

I was so absolutely, beyond terrified that day.  I was partly excited, part nervous, part unsure, part ready to throw up.  I remember getting to the alter and then my nerves kicked in and the rest of the ceremony is a big blur.  Do you Wendy, take Todd...blah, blah, blah. I don't even know what I vowed to do?  Am I supposed to love and honor? Or cherish and obey?! If it's the latter, then the vows have definitely been broken!!  One of these days I'm going to make him resay our vows...I'm sure he'll LOVE that!!! :-0

Our ceremony left little to the imagination....huge rainstorm, complete with lighting/thunder and a power outage.  We can candles in the bathroom so people could see while they peed and someone threw their paper towel on the flame...resulting in a "small" bathroom fire. OOPS!  Two drunk uncles, one fell and broke his nose.  I had a stranger from the attached bar come up to me and ask me who I was! Our friends jumped into the lake, we had fireworks (despite the rain, they actually went off), no speeches, or dance (no power remember!).  Let's just say for the first 9.99 years I was NOT ok with it. 
But as Oprah would say (my lord, I miss that woman).....forgiveness is letting go of the fact that the past can be changed.  I spent lots of years feeling ripped off, one of few big moments in my life and it was "ruined"...but as I look back now I really wouldn't change a thing.  Because of the power/no dance, our friends circled us and sang our wedding song while everyone held candles.  Can't say that happens at every wedding!! I've been to plenty of weddings and I can remember few details, but I've had plenty of people say "oh my god, your wedding was awesome".  More for them, than for me at the time but I get it!  How often do you jump in a lake at wedding and walk around dripping wet in your suit?

The night ended great with a carriage ride through downtown, and lets just say that the hotel room was a rockin', so nobody came knockin'...;-)

We've been together for thirteen years.  I still remember our first kisses, and the stupid lines he pulled to make me fall in love. There's a turtle story that every teenage boy should know because it really works. And while I'm SURE I wasn't the only girl who got that cheesy line, I'm sure I'm the last one that heard it from him and that's all that matters...

                                 "Let me tell you a story about two turtles who live on an island

(puts his hands inside my open palms)

One day there was an earthquake and the island split apart

(pull the hands apart)

The turtles decided to climb up the mountain of the islands to see each other

(starts climbing hands up my arms, and looks into my eyes)

Why are we still talking about turtles?"

Cheese-balls!!!!!!  But it worked...

Still luvs ya babe!

(Don't we both look a little TERRIFIED!)

Only the Beginning!

My son graduates today....from Grade 6.  It's not the "BIG ONE" but it's enough to make me realize life is flying by way to fast!!  Maybe I shouldn't have wished all those Mondays away...

He's almost as tall as me, size 7 (mens!) shoes, he's getting pimples, his voice is getting deeper, he hates me at least once a day and I can hardly do anything right anymore....I think he's turning into a teenager!!

I count my blessing though, cause he'll still kiss me goodnight, and give me a hug (when I ask!). He's helpful, he's funny, he's pretty awesome to hang out with still.  He stinks sometimes, which I could do without, but hey at least he'll still sit on the same couch as me right!

Junior High is scary, there's a lot of firsts that are about to happen....and I can't stop them!! So far he plays like he hates the ladies *ALOT*....no use for them at all. However, a gaggle of girls showed up at the house the other day looking for him and he could hardly keep the smirk off his face when he told me he "didn't want to talk to them".  I'm not dumb by the way. I shooed them away but like stray cats they lingered.... (Someone's parents really need to explain that lingering around for boys is STUPID!!)

Mother of the Year award here....I let my kids watch "Intervention" as a deterrent to drugs.  I guess I'll never really know if it works or not, but I have put the fear in them. I talk to them about the gross scabs the meth-heads have on their faces/bodys.  We talk about what chemicals are used when they make the drugs.  Our neighbour grows pot (with a license) but we talk about how dumb he is from smoking it so much, and how gross his house stinks. I think I've covered my tracks on the drug scene....at least I hope so?!  It also helps that my crazy-ass neighbour is a raging alcoholic and the kids see how stupid she is too.

He is so very smart, and has such an interest in learning that I see him being ok.  He's not in the nerd group, not in the uber-popular group, he's sort of in the middle...just where I want him.  His friends are (mostly) normal, and they are all reasonably well behaved.  I've made an "in" with his best friend and he'll tell me pretty much anything I want to know about Jeremy.  Like I know he doesn't have a girlfriend, but he sort of likes Savannah.  He plays soccer at lunch , and doesn't hang out by the stairs like the rest of them.
Just stuff I can keep my eye on.

He's growing up, I have no choice but to let my baby go!  And since Todd is refusing to reverse his vasectomy I guess I won't be having another baby (with him anyway! ;-))  I will only be able to rely on my friends who are popping out babies.  There's the good ol' perk with that one though....I get to give those babies BACK when the cry!

Next will be driving, and prom, and the BIG graduation....then marriage to the worst-daughter-in-law-EVER (my luck, I just know it!), and then grandbabies....geez... I need a drink.

To the best son a mom could ask for...I wish you nothing but the best and I know you'll achieve whatever you set your mind too!! (So long as it's not a pro-wrestler!!)

XOXO
Mommy!***ROLLS EYES*** Fine then, just call me Mom....

Monday Morning

It’s Monday morning, 8:15am, and as I type this I’m supposed to be working on a presentation for my boss.  I have to take an 83 page word document and make a slideshow for her.  BUT…it can’t be too wordy, the pages can’t be too full, she wants it to be like 25 pages long.  Apparently I’m supposed to also read her mind because she just said “leave in the important stuff”…well as far as I’m concerned it’s ALL important or it wouldn’t be in the presentation?!  Right?  Maybe?! I dunno, it’s Monday morning…I’m just thinking that if out of 83 pages only 25 or so are important than the presentation must suck!

Oh, did I mention that due to my very well tuned procrastination skills that I now have 1.5 days to get it completed!  She gave me a month to do five of these. Well the first four were easy enough, only 25 or so pages long to begin with so I flew through them. I was done those a week and a half ago. Then I opened this bad boy and realized how friggin big it is so I closed it.  I opened it again the next day, stared at it for a few minutes, and then closed it again. Then I opened it, saved it to my desktop, and closed it again.

So far I’ve opened and closed it twice already this morning!  I sort of started and then deleted everything and started again.  

I’m also in vacation-mode. NYC is 5 more sleeps!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!

(PS.  To any burglars who read this and think they can break in to my house….I have three very large (VICIOUS) attack dogs, just waiting…and I haven’t fed them in weeks! And angry snakes, and rabid wolves in the basement)

So, I’m in la-la-land…planning, dreaming, planning, making lists, dreaming some more.  I’m pretty convinced I’ll run into at least one celebrity, but I’ll be way too shy to say anything (seriously!, I know it doesn’t make much sense but it’s true) so I’ve been planning conversations in my head.  Like what I’d say if I saw Regis Philbin, or what I would say if I ran into Lady Gaga.  “Oh, hi Ms. Gaga, how lovely to see you, is that condoms and spikes on your dress?”…I think I have to keep working on that!!  

Back to my PowerPoint…who wants to do it for me??  Come on?! Anyone??????

I’ll pay you… (In love and appreciation!)

Fine…never mind, I guess I’ll do it myself.  

Hi-ho, hi-ho, off to work I...oh, look….new updates on Facebook!

hec·tic

Also known as frantic, frenzied, wild, chaotic.

I have so much to do and I'm sure not where to start so what do I do?  Watch TV.

In the next two weeks, I have my daughter's birthday party, my son's grade 6 graduation, family pictures, our anniversary, I have to pack for the kids' trip to PEI, and I have to pack for our trip to NYC.  Now, none of this is any hard task on it's own, but when I pile it all on top of my overwhelming loads of laundry, and sink full of dirty dishes I sorta freak out.  And what happens when I freak out?? I watch TV.

In the mix of all of this, I forgot about my daughter's party so I scrambled on the weekend to get invitations and party supplies.  I ordered the cake today.  We're having the party on Thursday night. Seems weird for a 9 year old but it's literally the only decent amount of time I can do it, and I don't want her to be rushed. (Plus there's no good TV on Thursdays this time of year!)

The kids go to PEI with my mama for the summer.  I guess I shouldn't give her full credit, they also spend time with my grandparents and Todd's parents too. This year is the first year since the d.i.v.o.r.c.e....so it should be an interesting one.  I think the kids are both waiting for Grampy to show up for supper but I get the feeling that isn't going to happen this year!!  So anyway, they go for about 8 weeks.  It's very tricky trying to pack for two kids that are going to live in a not-so-big camper for the summer.  Can't send too much stuff or my mother freaks out...don't send enough and my mother freak out!! LOL.  I hate bringing half-empty (half-full!!) bottles of shampoo, toothpaste, etc. So I end up going out and buying all new stuff to pack.  Then there's the tylenol, and bug spray, and suntan lotion too.  Of course, they can't agree on the same toys to take so there's a kitbag each of stuff they won't touch except for maybe rainy days.  Plus there's bikes and helmets and skateboards and scooters!!

Then there's our trip to NYC.  OMG!!! SQUEAAL!!!!! Ok, I need a minute........
This is quite possibly the biggest thing on my bucket list.  The buildings, the sights, the sounds, the chaos....I just can't wait to soak it all up.  Did I mention purses?! It's our 10 year anniversary and this will be our first "real" honeymoon.  Our first was a love-fest in Charlottetown PEI for two days and we could hardly afford breakfasts!!   So this is going to be the big one! FIREWORKS...and not just in our hotel room cause we'll be there for the 4th of July too!

So as I type this, lists run through my head.  I need to pack this and that, and ooh, don't forget about the extra blankets for the kids, and make sure you remember your strapless bra.  Contacts, solution, sunglasses, razor, sandals, sneakers, passports....crap don't forget the PASSPORTS!!!  I haven't even been to yoga in a week because I can't focus on anything else but my to-do lists.

I really should be writing this down, but I can't right now....I'm already an hour behind on The Bachelorette and I need to catch up!!!

Father's Day

Father's day is always very bitter sweet for me.
The sweet....I have my Poppy...he's my "father".  I grew up with him and he's never let me down. Life wouldn't be the same without him. He's there for me through everything. He's been my dad, my friend, my boss, and even my bank.  They say little girls love their daddies....well this little girl loves her Poppy more than she can ever put into words.  I talk to him all the time, and it seems that I may even have created some jealousy from my grandmother! 

The bitter....the sperm donor.
My "real" father has basically given me some dimples. That's his contribution to my life.  I didn't meet him until I was an early teenager.  His role in my life is so insignificant that I can't even remember how old I actually was.  Maybe 11 or 12 or 13?   First meeting, he calls me up and says he's in town and wants to me.  Shocked the hell out of me, but we said ok and he came out to our house.  It didn't take me very long to realize that he was more concerned about telling me how awesome he was than he was interested in me.  Maybe he's just nervous?  Meeting #2, coffee shop, again he's all about himself.  Now I'm getting pissed.  Wouldn't you want to know all about me?!    Meeting #3, he calls me and wants to go get drunk with me and my friends (I'm still 13).  Hmmm, uh, no thanks!!  Meeting #4.....phone call from the hospital, "can you come visit me, I'm on the third floor (psychiatric floor)".  Ok...I'm not really sure why, but off I went to visit "Dad". I found wall to wall drawings of crazy creatures/monsters.  He was rambling about being spied on, and talking about the government wanting to get him.  Finally, someone spills the beans...."Your father is bipolar".  Ah, geez.  Same ol' cycle now for 15-16 more years, except by this point I've refused to talk to him, and when I'm fortunate enough to run into him I'm told how horrible of a daughter I am.  It's really hard to find cards that say "From the Worst Daughter EVER on Father's Day".  So I give up. His loss not mine.

Bitterness part two....Step"Father". My mom got married when I was 12. Stepdad and I did not get along AT ALL!!!!!!!  It started off great, and then overnight he turned into a drill sergeant.  And what does a teenager do when confronted with such strict rules?!? REBEL.  Now, looking back the rules weren't super crazy, but my mom was very lenient so it felt like I was being caged like an animal.  Literally went from a non-existent curfew (just call me when you need a ride)....to home, in bed, no TV by 8pm.  Uhmmm....me no likey that!!!  A few HUGE fights, and some criminal charges later...I spent four months in a juvenile hall and "straightened up". Things didn't get better over night, but there were definitely alot of good times.  A few years later, I end up pregnant and kicked out of my house (best thing for me ever!! SERIOUSLY!). I may have been pissed at first, but it really was a matter of weeks before I knew this was a really good thing.  Life moves on, people grow up, and we're getting along better than ever. I move to a different province so we really only see each other maybe 6 times a year.  But there's lots of phone calls and they are always great. Holidays, birthdays, special occasions. Camping, woodworking, and even a few OMG moments when he's high as a kite from surgery (Hey Wendy...wanna see my scar?!.....resulting in my own scars as I can now tell you exactly what my step-dad's penis looks like!!)  Anyway, fast forward to two years ago, it seems like out of the blue he says he wants a divorce.  Ok, not sure where that came from but accept it and move on....until....wait a minute...am I getting blamed for my parents divorce?!?! YES I AM! Turns out Step-dad just can't get over all the drama we went through TWELVE years ago!!  It would have been nice to know that before all hell broke loose, but ok?

SERIOUSLY???  I haven't lived at home for 13 years, I see him a half-dozen times a year....and somehow this is MY fault?! Ok "DAD".  I was even a "big-girl" and talked thought it with him, and apologized for my "part". I thought we were on the road back to our father-daughter relationship. We ended with both of us wanting to keep in touch and I love you's and.........that was last June, on Father's day.

It's been a very sad year for me. I lost my "dad" or at least one of the closest things to having a dad.  It hasn't been the same.  I can only imagine what it must feel like for a small child to go through this.  This was my family.  Ripped apart because two grown-ass adults couldn't communicate with each other.  I know this isn't my fault...but it doesn't make you feel good when you do get blamed for it.

But the sweet far outweighs the bitter in my life. My grandfather is there no matter what and that is all that matters.  Who need a father when you have the best grandfather in the world? 

Xoxo. I still loves ya.

Wendy

Always & Never

Sounds like a love song! But it's not!  Actually it is....by Coheed and Cambria, but I only know that cause I just googled it out of curiosity.  But that's not why I picked it!

A super serious AHA moment on a communications course I just took. This is the first aha moment I've had since Oprah left.  Why'd she have to go?  I miss her so much! I seriously miss her, and think about her way more than normal.  I'm sure time will heal my broken heart but I really do miss her...

Where was I? Oh yeah...AHA moment #156.

During my course, one of the ladies (we'll call her Carol) discussed a fight that she'd gotten into with her husband fifteen years ago. Carol couldn't remember what the fight was about, she just remembered her husband saying to her "always and never".  What do mean?, she asked.  He said "simple...always and never, that's what you say". Still confused, she asked him to explain it.  He started..."you NEVER take out the trash", "You ALWAYS come home late"....whatever it was, the point was that in fights, and in life we take things to the extreme.  It's likely not always, and it's likely not never...

I practically squealed in the middle of class.  OMG, I ALWAYS do that!!  Seriously.
I'm not even sure how many times I've yelled at Todd for always working late.  Or never taking out the garbage without me having to remind him a hundred times.  I even do it with my son because he never listens and always has a crappy attitude.

I've made a conscious effort to not "Always and Never" anyone.  It's only been a little while since my course but its really stuck in my head.  Now, I 'm sure my husband would agree that I'm not ALWAYS a bitch!! ;-)
Right Todd?!?  RIGHT!!!!!! 

I've even trying to make an attempt with Jeremy (excluding the last post!).  Because he's not always rude, it's more like he's rude certain parts of the day.

Actually, I can also honestly give yoga some credit  for my less-bitch-ness.  (alot of credit!)
Have I mentioned I love yoga?!

I'm really glad I had that opportunity with Carol. It was a big moment for me.  Now I will always remember to never say never....unless I'm singing a Justin Bieber song...

Worst Mom EVER!!!!

I have a twelve year old son.  'Nuff said...

There's a rule in this house....get caught lying and the punishment is automatically worse.   So tell the truth to make it easier on all of us.

Sometimes Jer can be so honest its annoying.  Like when he was five and we used to say "You have to go to bed when Caillou is over"....and he'd come running to let us know it was done.  We'd say "ok, bedtime" and he'd wail and scream like we somehow wrecked his night.  He's very literal and follows the rules...until they do not suite him anymore.

This is a daily thing with my son...rules are rules for a reason. Don't say black if you really mean gray.  Don't say supper will be ready at 6pm if you really mean between 6-6:30pm.  OHH, NO!  Do NOT say anything you are not prepared to follow through on to a tee.  I have to s.p.e.l.l. it out for him most of the time.  So, for example, when I say you're grounded I have to say...that means no xbox, no friends in the house, no going outside to play, fine you can watch TV but we get 1st dibs on any shows and you have no say, and so on and so forth.

We had a bonfire over the weekend since the kids each had a friend over.  We were in the backyard, TRYING to have a good time but Jer decided to push all buttons available.  Eventually, I called it quits and sent him in the house while we packed up.  I came to the front of the house and Grace was holding pieces of wood and metal in her hand while the front door was wide open. Huh?!  I asked what happened and she said she didn't know, the door just "broke".  What?  So I look and sure enough the frame of the door has splintered.  Like wood splinters everywhere, the plate that the lock penetrated (Tee hee!!) was blown off, screws on the floor, the trim was off the wall.  WHAT?!?!  It was like the door exploded.  Well first thought ..."JEREMY!!!!!!!!" .....WTH did you do to the door?!?  WELL....apparently the worst mommy move EVER because I didn't ASK him if he did it first.  According to him I should have asked very politely "Jeremy, did you, by chance, happen to do something to the door...I'M NOT BLAMING, just asking"....so he could come back in return with "No mother, I did not".  Turns out my "WTH JEREMY!!!" was bad parenting according to him! LOL ....ooops! Sorry! 

I tried to explain that based on the situation, my first reaction was that it was likely him. He'd just been sent in the house, he was pissed off, he was the last one to touch the door, and he has a habit of slamming things.  But I "never let him explain"...so he never had the chance to tell me it was Grace.  Now, of course, my sweet little munchkin does NOTHING wrong so I still didn't believe him.  That made things 10 times worse!  Now he's yelling, I'm yelling, and we are getting nowhere! Turns out it was Grace....oops.  Do I backpedal?  Do I apologize? I dunno, move on....

Monday...I get a call from Jeremy's teacher. He was sent to the office because of his attitude.  Blah, blah, blah...I didn't really listen, but I think that's the point of what she was talking about.  (I joke!!) Anyway, I get home and ask how his day went..."GOOD"...hmmm, really?! Let me give this another try..."anything happen today"..."nope, not much, just the usual"...hmm....now I'm annoyed.  In my best Judge Judy voice...don't pee on my leg and tell me its raining!!

So I just spill the beans..."I know you got in trouble today"......FLOODGATES OPENED...apparently the teachers misunderstood and he wasn't being rude.  TWO teachers, not just one, but I can't mention that because I always blame him for EVERYTHING! A lot of WHATEVERs and eye rolls later, I find myself explaining to him that if I walked in on a murder scene and found someone holding the gun that I would assume he was the killer.  REALLY!?  I don't even know where that came from but that's my example to my 12 year old!  I think he got my point enough because he sort of calmed down.  He even helped me make dinner.  All was good....

Until I mentioned those dreaded words...."oh, by the way, you are GROUNDED!!"..... 
But if I wasn't here to make his life miserable how boring would that be?!

Don't Fear The Reaper...unless you are me!

My list of irrational fears is long...not only do I fear these things but I also obsess over them which tends to make my phobias even worse.  It all became with good ol' Titanic. Damn you James Cameron!!  There began fear #1...dead bodies in the ocean.  Ahh!! I bet you thought it would be icebergs!! Nope. The bodies....

They have to go somewhere right?!  Remember the story of the feet that were washing up on the BC coast? I didn't sleep for a week.  Tsunamis keep me up for weeks.  My latest is wondering where Osama Bin Laden's body is going to wash up?  I know that's not how it works, but try telling me that at night time when I'm tossing and turning.

After dead bodies in the ocean comes crazy critters in the ocean...

SEE!!!????  This shit exists!!!  ***SHIVERS!***

After dead bodies, and creepy ocean critters come nuclear war.  I feel like this is a somewhat reasonable fear. I work for Dept. of National Defence and am constantly freaking out over the littlest of things I hear. Probably not the best place for me to work...though Fisheries and Oceans might be worse?!

There was an email that got sent out a few weeks ago about a nuclear emergency taking place in NS.  I FREAKED!!  Heart palpitations, sweating, my brain went to the worst case scenario. I was sure I would never see my kids again and was trying to figure out who I should call to go pick them up.  Of course, all of this happened in maybe 20-30 seconds....until I read "EXERCISE EXERCISE EXERCISE" in HUGE letters!  Well these arseholes should know that people might not see that this is just a test and maybe they'd panic a little!?  If ever I needed some medication, that would have been a good day to start!

So we have dead bloating bodies, scary sea monsters, and nuclear war. Those are probably the top three.  But like I said, I torture myself by obsessing over it. So I will watch Animal Planet and obsess over shark week, or watch Planet Earth and squeal and gag through most of the ocean series.  I surf the Internet and watch YouTube videos of boats sinking, and I know I've watched hours of footage of tsunamis, earthquakes,
hurricanes, volcanoes. Yes, I freak out about volcanoes too...cause you just never know when one will erupt in NS! 

I hate going on boats, bridges freak me out, I rarely will even put a finger in a lake or the ocean. Forget about actually swimming in one because it will never freaking happen again. 
BUT...I've made a very conscious effort to not impose those fears on my children.  They jump off boats in the middle of the ocean with their grandparents, they will try most anything crazy, they will touch anything that moves. Grace had snails for pets last year (UGH!), and Jeremy is always bringing snakes home.  I may not participate in the activities but I always allow and encourage them.

So snakes....that is one of my very logical fears. They bite!  They are venomous. They are disgusting.  I know we don't have vipers or rattlesnakes around here but even so they are horrific to me!  Plus you always hear crazy stories of people with snakes for pets ditching them in parks when they get too big.   I've also been known to watch between my legs when peeing if I'm in a shady bathroom. (That's where the snakes always come from in movies!!).  Oh, and stupid me watched Snakes on a Plane and I had nightmares about it for days.

I took the kids to a reptile show once and nearly lost my mind.  I, trying to put on a good show for the kids, agreed to 'pet' one.  Really, I was planning on touching the friggin thing and then internally screaming for the rest of the day. Note to self...plans don't always work out.  I will demonstrate:

Step 1: Wendy decides to touch the snake.  Such a good mommy...

Step 2: Wendy loses her cool....

Step 3:  Snake decided to whip it's head around and VOMIT....

Step 4: Wendy is DONE with the mother f#cking snake!!  (Samual L. Jackson voice)

But still...bestest mom ever, takes them AGAIN to a reptile show the following year. While I refused this time to touch ANYTHING, I encouraged them to do it. Really no encouraging needed, my weirdos have no fear.

Spiders too!

 

******SHUDDER******  How the hell are they OK with that?!?! 

Thanks to the kids cousin we also have a permanently available pet to go say hi to.

Don't even get me started on this one!!

Do you see the snake trying to strangle my son's arm??????????

Can We Play a Little Game?

So I can see a little map of which countries my readers are from. I must admit that it's both very exciting and a little stressful all at the same time.  While I thoroughly enjoy writing this blog sometimes I'm convinced it's really only my mom who reads it!! LOL  Ok, well I know there are a few more but I often find myself telling my inner me that it's more of a pity read.   My inner voices should get some therapy!!

But really, it's very fascinating to me how my little post on Facebook can travel half way across the world and it that somehow we have this little blog in common now.  I get giddy like a little school girl when I see a new place show up on my list. I know absolutely NOBODY in any of these places so who are they and how did they find this blog? 

Who are you?.... mysterious little readers!!  I am very curious!! Please say hi, or leave a comment, even if it's just your name (real or fake...I won't judge).

I would also like to perform a little experiment...how many countries can we spread this blog through? My son thinks my blog is **WHATEVER, rolls eyes** but when I told him I had readers from Germany somehow I became slightly cooler (I know, I know...how can I possibly get cooler??).

So far I have:

Canada - that's obvious.  Hello/Bonjour Eh!
USA -- Hello/Hola
UK  -- ALLO (believe me, I'm doing my best accent!!)
Germany - Wie geht es dir? (thank you copy & paste!)
France - Bonjour!! Je mappel Wendy...horrible I know.  French Immersion til Gr 8.
Singapore - Hai...yikes I hope that's right, so many languages!
Barbados - Whaloss!  (I'm not so sure about this one...it means oh my goodness, or so google says anyway)
Denmark - Hej

It would be lovely to rub it in my son's face that I have a reader from "Another cool spot".  So come on!! Help me get Australia and I'm sure I can at least get him to admit that I'm not a complete 'epic fail'.  Just copy/paste the webpage and send it to your foreign friends! LOL

G'day Mate!

A Yoga Poem For You...

Like my FB page:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Pigeon-Pose-Emotions/230206560392271

Wearing makeup won't make your yoga pose better.
And Lulu tank tops can't make you a trendsetter.

Flirting with the boys doesn't make you a star,
Yoga seriously doesn't really care who you are.

Coming to class early is always great,
Just don't drop your mat like a ten pound weight.

The room is silent, and yes that means YOU!
If you can't a put a sock in it, maybe my fist would do?

If you spend all class fixing your breasts,
Don't complain when you can't keep up with the rest.

Toes together, or hip width apart.
Are two different things to learn right from the start.

When the teacher suggests adjustments, listen to what they say.
It's likely that you need it, and it could make your day.

Yoga loves you for just trying to be there,
It doesn't matter when you screw up, and believe me, none of us care.

It's ok to look at others, or look for advice and directions.
But staring is just wrong, especially for boys who get erections.

We are all sweaty and gross, and dripping wet.
But don't rush out of the room...Savasana is the only quiet some of us get.

Tiptoeing won't hurt you, and rushing is rude.
Leave softly, and quietly....and we'll all be in good moods.

I'm a pilot...blah, blah, blah.

Ever see someone, hear them speak a sentence, and then immediately decide you hate them?? That was me yesterday...

I was on a course through work, Interpersonal Communications, and was scoping out the room. There's the joker, the shy one, the one who's going to complain about everything, and out of the corner of my eye I see her...the one I will hate. Yep. I just judged her based on her looks and I will gladly admit it! Blond, skinny jeans, perfectly hemmed. Hair in a slick ponytail, she's no more than a size 2.
Please at least let her be stupid! Please!

Our first part of class is to introduce ourselves. But the catch is we have to partner up and tell our partner everything and they have to introduce us to the group. To make matters worse we can't talk...paper and pens only.  Thank goodness I prejudged my fellow coworkers enough that I partnered up with the funny one.  We do our thing and proceed to go around the class introducing each other.  Well, we get to "her" and her partner starts...

This is "BITCH"...not really, but just go with it.   "BITCH" is married, and had a two year old.  "BITCH's" hobbies include shopping (uh huh..predictable!), she likes fashion (OMG!), and she looooves to model.  Seriously?  Get out my gloves...this girl DESERVES a solid punch in the face!  Ok, so we are using pens and paper...this girl actually had to write "I love to model".  Who says that!?  Models I guess....but seriously, as a pretty girl I know you never lead with "I like to be pretty"...so why in hell would you tell a class full of strangers that you love to model?? Two words...attention seeker.

Next, this poor partner of hers utters the dreaded words...."BITCH" is a pilot.  Frig off.  So much for my wishes that she's as dumb as a post....

It's a well-known perception that Airforce Pilots think they are AWESOME.  Big-shots. Mavericks a la Tom Cruise style. Except most are as attractive as Goose (which works for me cause I have a thing for Anthony Edwards!)  Anyway...they are typically egotistical douche bags.  Let's just say it applies to the girls too. 

She starts off by saying she really wants to learn how to deal with people who only want to talk about themselves.  She deals with all these pilots who are all "I, I, I, Me, Me, Me" and she never gets to talk about herself.  I serious...I can't make this stuff up.  She wants to learn how to deal with people who talk about themselves, so she can get a chance to talk about herself.....ironic?  Then the conversation moves to how gifted her child is, and how the daycare moved her up a group level before she was old enough, and it was the daycare's idea, not hers so thats why she knows her daughter is really talented. What next?! Is her husband a brain surgeon?  Does he rescue orphaned monkeys from India??  I couldn't listen anymore...for the rest of the day, any time she opened her mouth all I heard was BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.

A day later, and I'm still pretty sure that while it's not always the best move to judge a book by it's cover, sometimes the cover tells you everything you want to know.  Now, I'm not just talking about looks. That's more just cause I hate skinny blonds, but this is more the perception you give off.  I would have been quite content hating on her for just being pretty, but then she gave me the added ammo of being smart, being a model, AND a pilot. Sorry sweetie, you had no chance with me!!!  You can one or the other, but not all four!!