I am in love.
I am happy.
I am grateful.
I am content.
I am living life.
I am finally being me.
Wednesday 23 October 2013
Tuesday 17 September 2013
Summer Rush
I finally understand why I find it so hard to blog in the summer....lack of inspiration AKA the kids aren't here to drive me wildly cuckoo mad.
This conversation just occurred:
Wendy: Jeremy, the school called and said you had detention for forgetting your gym clothes AGAIN. (One week into school...shoot me now)
Jeremy: yeah
Wendy: Well...what happened?
Jeremy: I didn't have a kitbag here.
Wendy: You could have used a sobeys bag.
Jeremy: Uh...I don't want to have to DRAG around a sobeys bag.
Wendy: Wouldn't that be easier than having detention?
Jeremy: It wasn't detention, it was study hall.
Wendy: OK...well was it worth an hour of your time in STUDY HALL?!?!
Jeremy: It was 45 mins.
Wendy: WAS IT WORTH IT?!?!
Jeremy: Yes.
-------------------------------
Riddle me that?
I hate teenagers.
Friday 2 August 2013
Baby B's Birth Story
The stork has arrived once again!
Friday, the 19th of July, I got the long overdue call that Mama M's water had broken. According to the estimate date she was approximately 10 days overdue, which probably felt like 100 days to Mama M. I'm not sure there are many things worse than being overdue in the dead of summer.
Mama M & Daddy J went to the hospital to get checked out. Sure enough, the time had finally arrived and I was called to go to the hospital at 11:30pm to what was sure to be a fast labour. By this point she was already 3 cms dilated and 75% effaced (thinning of the cervix, has to be 100%). She was well on her way, and the contractions were already at 2-2 1/2 mins apart and lasting 45 seconds of more. On paper...this was huge.
M's breathing was priceless. She could write a book about proper breathing techniques for birth. Actually, J could write a book about proper coaching and breathing as well. I have never witnessed a couple as in sync as they were. It was actually very moving to see. Even at the peak of her pain, there were still hugs and kisses and sweethearts and darlings. They breathed together as one as they waltz in place during all the contractions.
Fast forward through about 5 hours of walking and swaying back and forth thru contractions...
It was early morning and the pain was getting worse. As always, there's generally a shift in the way the mother reacts as she gets closer and closer to the goal of 10cms. There was such a shift that it really seemed like she would at least be 8cms...not so. But she was at 5cms. Progress at least?!
It was now 5am on Saturday and nobody had slept since Friday morning. Patience was wearing thin and the dreaded defeat hit. This was going to be a long labour. Mama M decided to opt for some Fentanyl to help ease some pain. It was part of her birth plan to have a drug free delivery, but that's not always achievable with long labours. There's a reason it's called a birth plan though and not a birth contract...you are able to change your mind.
With the drugs able to relax her a bit, she drifted in and out of sleep for a few hours. By 9am, she received a 2nd dose of Fentanyl and they checked her cervix again. This time she was still stuck at 5/6...talk about defeat! By this time they decided to break her fore waters, which is the fluid that remains trapped between the baby's head and cervix. Breaking this can be useful in creating more pressure on the cervix to help it dilate, but can also be a cause for the cervix to not dilate uniformly and can cause swelling...catch 22 really. You don't know whether it's going to help or not until it's done.
Guess what...it didn't help. By noon, after another cervix check, she was still 6cms and now her cervix was swollen, plus she now had a fever. The decision was made that she had approx. 2hrs to progress or it would be an immediate C-section. An epidural was given it hopes that it would relax her enough to let her body do the work it needed to do.
Guess what...that DID help. By 1:30pm she was dilated to 9.5cms. I'm not a huge fan of epidurals...I'm barely a mediocre fan, but when used at the right time for the right situations they actually can do a good thing. In this case, it stopped a C-section from being performed.
By 3pm she was fully dilated, Mom & Dad took power naps to rest up for pushing. I ran downstairs and inhaled a sub for breakfast/lunch and by 4:30 she was starting to push.
This is were things get blurry....and graphic. *Readers be warned* (BABY IS FINE!)
After about 30-35 minutes of pushing, there was huge progress. The baby moved down nicely, crowned, and then the head was out. But all of a sudden then was an emergency page for "SHOULDER"...and in the blink of an eye the room was full of nurses and NICU staff. The baby's shoulder was stuck behind Mama's pubic bone. Shoulder dystocia...a very scary thing.
The baby is literally stuck in the vagina. With no room, the umbilical cord is squashed and the baby's lungs are also compressed so there is no way for the baby to get oxygen. The baby has to come out NOW.
You've never seen a pregnant lady in labour be moved so fast. Within 30 seconds, she was flipped onto her hands and knees, then back again, legs being pushed back, with a nurse pushing on her pubic bone with her whole body strength. The position changes more than often help to shift the baby.
The doctor then placed her hand up past the baby's head, into the vagina, grabbed a hold of the baby's arm and pulled. Out popped baby...a very blue/purple, limp baby. The NICU team took the baby right away and within 30 seconds the baby started to cry the tiniest, little gurgly cry I've ever heard. In the chaos of it all, it was confirmed that the baby was indeed a GIRL! It would take a few days in the NICU to come around, but in the end she was fine.
As quickly as it happened, it was like slow motion. By far, the scariest birth I've ever witness. By the end of it, it looks like a scene out of a movie. There was literally blood every where. I fully understand why it's recommended to have an extra change of clothes/shoes with you. It was insane. It was a learning experience I will never forget.
Overall, a scary yet beautiful birth. The parents were so in sync, the most active participation by the dad, the most grateful parents to just hold their little girl. It was a blessing to be a part of, and I look forward to the next time.
Friday, the 19th of July, I got the long overdue call that Mama M's water had broken. According to the estimate date she was approximately 10 days overdue, which probably felt like 100 days to Mama M. I'm not sure there are many things worse than being overdue in the dead of summer.
Mama M & Daddy J went to the hospital to get checked out. Sure enough, the time had finally arrived and I was called to go to the hospital at 11:30pm to what was sure to be a fast labour. By this point she was already 3 cms dilated and 75% effaced (thinning of the cervix, has to be 100%). She was well on her way, and the contractions were already at 2-2 1/2 mins apart and lasting 45 seconds of more. On paper...this was huge.
M's breathing was priceless. She could write a book about proper breathing techniques for birth. Actually, J could write a book about proper coaching and breathing as well. I have never witnessed a couple as in sync as they were. It was actually very moving to see. Even at the peak of her pain, there were still hugs and kisses and sweethearts and darlings. They breathed together as one as they waltz in place during all the contractions.
Fast forward through about 5 hours of walking and swaying back and forth thru contractions...
It was early morning and the pain was getting worse. As always, there's generally a shift in the way the mother reacts as she gets closer and closer to the goal of 10cms. There was such a shift that it really seemed like she would at least be 8cms...not so. But she was at 5cms. Progress at least?!
It was now 5am on Saturday and nobody had slept since Friday morning. Patience was wearing thin and the dreaded defeat hit. This was going to be a long labour. Mama M decided to opt for some Fentanyl to help ease some pain. It was part of her birth plan to have a drug free delivery, but that's not always achievable with long labours. There's a reason it's called a birth plan though and not a birth contract...you are able to change your mind.
With the drugs able to relax her a bit, she drifted in and out of sleep for a few hours. By 9am, she received a 2nd dose of Fentanyl and they checked her cervix again. This time she was still stuck at 5/6...talk about defeat! By this time they decided to break her fore waters, which is the fluid that remains trapped between the baby's head and cervix. Breaking this can be useful in creating more pressure on the cervix to help it dilate, but can also be a cause for the cervix to not dilate uniformly and can cause swelling...catch 22 really. You don't know whether it's going to help or not until it's done.
Guess what...it didn't help. By noon, after another cervix check, she was still 6cms and now her cervix was swollen, plus she now had a fever. The decision was made that she had approx. 2hrs to progress or it would be an immediate C-section. An epidural was given it hopes that it would relax her enough to let her body do the work it needed to do.
Guess what...that DID help. By 1:30pm she was dilated to 9.5cms. I'm not a huge fan of epidurals...I'm barely a mediocre fan, but when used at the right time for the right situations they actually can do a good thing. In this case, it stopped a C-section from being performed.
By 3pm she was fully dilated, Mom & Dad took power naps to rest up for pushing. I ran downstairs and inhaled a sub for breakfast/lunch and by 4:30 she was starting to push.
This is were things get blurry....and graphic. *Readers be warned* (BABY IS FINE!)
After about 30-35 minutes of pushing, there was huge progress. The baby moved down nicely, crowned, and then the head was out. But all of a sudden then was an emergency page for "SHOULDER"...and in the blink of an eye the room was full of nurses and NICU staff. The baby's shoulder was stuck behind Mama's pubic bone. Shoulder dystocia...a very scary thing.
The baby is literally stuck in the vagina. With no room, the umbilical cord is squashed and the baby's lungs are also compressed so there is no way for the baby to get oxygen. The baby has to come out NOW.
You've never seen a pregnant lady in labour be moved so fast. Within 30 seconds, she was flipped onto her hands and knees, then back again, legs being pushed back, with a nurse pushing on her pubic bone with her whole body strength. The position changes more than often help to shift the baby.
The doctor then placed her hand up past the baby's head, into the vagina, grabbed a hold of the baby's arm and pulled. Out popped baby...a very blue/purple, limp baby. The NICU team took the baby right away and within 30 seconds the baby started to cry the tiniest, little gurgly cry I've ever heard. In the chaos of it all, it was confirmed that the baby was indeed a GIRL! It would take a few days in the NICU to come around, but in the end she was fine.
As quickly as it happened, it was like slow motion. By far, the scariest birth I've ever witness. By the end of it, it looks like a scene out of a movie. There was literally blood every where. I fully understand why it's recommended to have an extra change of clothes/shoes with you. It was insane. It was a learning experience I will never forget.
Overall, a scary yet beautiful birth. The parents were so in sync, the most active participation by the dad, the most grateful parents to just hold their little girl. It was a blessing to be a part of, and I look forward to the next time.
Sunday 30 June 2013
Status Update
Today is my 12th wedding anniversary.
Today is bittersweet.
It's weird and awkward maneuvering through a relatively happy divorce. It's weird cause we are stuck in a friendly-divorcing-couple zone, and awkward because we are talking about things that real friends would talk about. There should be a rule book for FDC's (friendly divorcing couples). Like, for example, talking about the fact you are dating is ok. Talking about private...uh...private matters should probably be left off the table. Lines are blurred and crossed with us on a weekly basis. Just when you think you are cool to hear about these things one wrong thing is said and it's tears and hissy fits. Then I have to calm him down and hand him a tissue...it's gets off track so easily. ;)
So obviously, yes, we've both started dating again. Awesomesauce. There's no weirdos out there at all. Gah!! I've never dated in my life. Teenage dating was not dating...
I haven't met any serial killers yet, well at least I haven't ended up in a trunk yet. I've been on a few disaster dates and I'm quickly realizing that my anxiety of confrontation is going to have to move aside. Turns out I'm the queen of not responding and hoping they just don't contact me again. I have to learn how to say PISS OFF WEIRDO. Or ya know...thanks but no thanks.
I'm learning to deal with being a single lady. It's not like I'm worried to do the work or chip a nail, but there are definitely a lot of things that having a guy around for would make easier....lawn mowing, garbage hauling, bug killing just to name a few. But bright side...I'm working on my arm strength every single time I push that damn mower up the hill.
Life is good. I'm working on my wino hobby, and I've actually found a few good ones. Right now I'm sipping on Jost Blush, it will definitely be drank again! I'm, mostly, back on track with going to yoga...new house really threw me off AGAIN.
New house is mostly in place. I'm done with the little projects for a while cause they always end up a disaster. Like the tiny I bubble in the gyproc I tried to fix that turned out to be multiple layers of wallpaper that I had to scrap. I'm comfortable with it as it stands so I'm taking the summer off from the stress!
Today is bittersweet.
It's weird and awkward maneuvering through a relatively happy divorce. It's weird cause we are stuck in a friendly-divorcing-couple zone, and awkward because we are talking about things that real friends would talk about. There should be a rule book for FDC's (friendly divorcing couples). Like, for example, talking about the fact you are dating is ok. Talking about private...uh...private matters should probably be left off the table. Lines are blurred and crossed with us on a weekly basis. Just when you think you are cool to hear about these things one wrong thing is said and it's tears and hissy fits. Then I have to calm him down and hand him a tissue...it's gets off track so easily. ;)
So obviously, yes, we've both started dating again. Awesomesauce. There's no weirdos out there at all. Gah!! I've never dated in my life. Teenage dating was not dating...
I haven't met any serial killers yet, well at least I haven't ended up in a trunk yet. I've been on a few disaster dates and I'm quickly realizing that my anxiety of confrontation is going to have to move aside. Turns out I'm the queen of not responding and hoping they just don't contact me again. I have to learn how to say PISS OFF WEIRDO. Or ya know...thanks but no thanks.
I'm learning to deal with being a single lady. It's not like I'm worried to do the work or chip a nail, but there are definitely a lot of things that having a guy around for would make easier....lawn mowing, garbage hauling, bug killing just to name a few. But bright side...I'm working on my arm strength every single time I push that damn mower up the hill.
Life is good. I'm working on my wino hobby, and I've actually found a few good ones. Right now I'm sipping on Jost Blush, it will definitely be drank again! I'm, mostly, back on track with going to yoga...new house really threw me off AGAIN.
New house is mostly in place. I'm done with the little projects for a while cause they always end up a disaster. Like the tiny I bubble in the gyproc I tried to fix that turned out to be multiple layers of wallpaper that I had to scrap. I'm comfortable with it as it stands so I'm taking the summer off from the stress!
Monday 10 June 2013
Rollin' Down the Street
I took the long way home today, listening to my new fav song "Cruise"...so appropriate. It's like I can find a theme song for all moments in my life. Driving..."Cruise". Sad..."Good Mother". Happy..."Happy". Sitting at home sipping wine..."Anything mixed by Norwegian Recycling". I have a song for everything...so needless to say, music rules my life and I always have it cranked in the car.
Best part of summer...cruising with the windows down, singing at the top of your lungs. Til you pull up to a red light and then clam up for fear of looking foolish. You sit there, eyes straight ahead, no movement...pretend like it's not your car blasting "Gin & Juice". Please don't make eye contact!! Please!!! I hope they didn't notice my fake microphone...
I don't know why I care what I look like to the stranger in the car next to me. Oh right...anxiety. Ok whatever. The mission for the week is to just own it and keep bopping to the song regardless of where I am or who I'm beside. It's not like I'll ever see these people...unless it's a coworker who pulls up beside me but they already know I'm 50% crazy, 50% insane anyway so they are always judging me anyway. If you don't like hearing me sing "Like a Virgin" then just keep driving. Unless it's a red light...then you should probably wait until it turns green.
If you chose to also accept the mission please let me know!
Tuesday 14 May 2013
Password Game
Lack of blogging lately? My gawd...
Moving puts a major cramp in my quiet evenings. It's been all caulk all the time. Yes, that's right...I said caulk.
It actually forgot my password to this site and had to mess around with all my user name/password options to find the right one. Why can't they are least tell you if one or the other is right? I know that we are supposed to be all tech-savvy when it comes to passwords to prevent hackers, but holy crap....why can't we just have one solid user name and password for the entire internet? Is that too much to ask for? Who owns the internet anyway and how do I get a hold of them to offer my input??
I have like a bazillion passwords. Probably close to two bazillion user names. It's simply too much. With the exception of having the cute IT guy reset my password at work, there are zero benefits to having this many. Hackers...pfft...whatever...I laugh in your face. Do you want access to my spam mail and maxed out credit cards? Go ahead and take them! My new user name for everything is going to be "frustrated" and my password will be "sexually"....that's easy enough to remember. Did I mention I'm separated now? Gahhh...that's a totally different *R Rated* blog...
There's all my work passwords for every single different, annoying, stupid, frustrating program we use. Can't repeat a password for like 30 years so now I've just started adding numbers to the end of it. I'll be at ************2010001928 by the time I retire.
Then there's the house...computer, phone, Netflix...which is actually my mother's account so I have to remember her username/password too, internet (FB, Twitter, Instagram, Playboy...for the articles, my email, the kids emails,) and the Wi-Fi. All of those to remember plus now Jeremy wants to start changing our Wi-Fi login name for shits and giggles. Like I don't have enough to remember...now I have remember it's "Pretty Fly for a Wi-Fi". Nah. Nope. Moving on...
Moving puts a major cramp in my quiet evenings. It's been all caulk all the time. Yes, that's right...I said caulk.
It actually forgot my password to this site and had to mess around with all my user name/password options to find the right one. Why can't they are least tell you if one or the other is right? I know that we are supposed to be all tech-savvy when it comes to passwords to prevent hackers, but holy crap....why can't we just have one solid user name and password for the entire internet? Is that too much to ask for? Who owns the internet anyway and how do I get a hold of them to offer my input??
I have like a bazillion passwords. Probably close to two bazillion user names. It's simply too much. With the exception of having the cute IT guy reset my password at work, there are zero benefits to having this many. Hackers...pfft...whatever...I laugh in your face. Do you want access to my spam mail and maxed out credit cards? Go ahead and take them! My new user name for everything is going to be "frustrated" and my password will be "sexually"....that's easy enough to remember. Did I mention I'm separated now? Gahhh...that's a totally different *R Rated* blog...
There's all my work passwords for every single different, annoying, stupid, frustrating program we use. Can't repeat a password for like 30 years so now I've just started adding numbers to the end of it. I'll be at ************2010001928 by the time I retire.
Then there's the house...computer, phone, Netflix...which is actually my mother's account so I have to remember her username/password too, internet (FB, Twitter, Instagram, Playboy...for the articles, my email, the kids emails,) and the Wi-Fi. All of those to remember plus now Jeremy wants to start changing our Wi-Fi login name for shits and giggles. Like I don't have enough to remember...now I have remember it's "Pretty Fly for a Wi-Fi". Nah. Nope. Moving on...
Friday 19 April 2013
Eyes Wide Open
It's almost 2am and I have to be up at 6:30am...guess who's going to be (extra) cranky when she wakes up!! Good thing it's Friday, 14 more hours and I'll be back home again.
I have two coffees today...nothing out of the ordinary for me. I spent all night cleaning up and breaking down boxes. I should be tired. Is this what insomnia feels like? I've read, I've watched TV, I surfed FB and CNN and now I'm writing this. It has no purpose. I won't be witty and there will be no subliminal message. I probably won't even spell check it.
Ohhhh...I had Chinese food for supper. Does MSG keep you awake? Probably not. BTW, I thought I would like Orange Chicken but I really don't. I'm also hungry again...the dreaded Chinese food curse. But I won't eat...I know it's bad to eat this late at night. Well, maybe just a few slices of cheese. Like two...be right back.
Ok, so it's more like three...or four. Whatever. I love cheese. Shoot me.
You know what's really weird...oranges give me heartburn but lemons don't. Someone please tell me why?
Adam Levine is by far the hottest creature on the planet.
Sometimes I wonder how my son can ramble on and on all night long about the most random topics...but now I kinda see why. Maybe I'm more tired than I think.
TGIF
I have two coffees today...nothing out of the ordinary for me. I spent all night cleaning up and breaking down boxes. I should be tired. Is this what insomnia feels like? I've read, I've watched TV, I surfed FB and CNN and now I'm writing this. It has no purpose. I won't be witty and there will be no subliminal message. I probably won't even spell check it.
Ohhhh...I had Chinese food for supper. Does MSG keep you awake? Probably not. BTW, I thought I would like Orange Chicken but I really don't. I'm also hungry again...the dreaded Chinese food curse. But I won't eat...I know it's bad to eat this late at night. Well, maybe just a few slices of cheese. Like two...be right back.
Ok, so it's more like three...or four. Whatever. I love cheese. Shoot me.
You know what's really weird...oranges give me heartburn but lemons don't. Someone please tell me why?
Adam Levine is by far the hottest creature on the planet.
Sometimes I wonder how my son can ramble on and on all night long about the most random topics...but now I kinda see why. Maybe I'm more tired than I think.
TGIF
Wednesday 20 March 2013
Did I Mention I Bought a House?!
Oh yeah...so I bought a house. I which I could say "We Bought a Zoo"....man, I love that movie!
But anyway....I bought a house!!!
See!!
Turns out buying a house is a wee bit stressful and costs A LOT of money. Who knew? Someone really should have told me the difference. I mean we bought the house I'm in now, but that was like 8 years ago and I really think it's like giving birth, you forget about the pain the second the baby arrives....but then you get pregnant again, go into labour and you're all like OH MY FRIGGIN CRAP...why did I do this again?!?
Fees for this and fees for that, closing costs, down-payment and those dreaded lawyers. And don't even mention appointments and meetings...I haven't had three seconds to process it.
It also turns out that when you split your stuff up you end up needing to replace a lot. Looking for donations of a couch and chair...if you have one or what to buy me one I'd gladly take it. Same goes for any dressers, bookshelves or patio furniture. I move in on the 28th, a week away, and at this rate I might be sitting on buckets for a while! If you come to visit me you might want to bring a pillow for your bum. You also might want to bring me wine...just sayin'.
The process of packing has begun, which I always love as it's de-clutter time! I'm still on my less-is-more kick so as I pack up all the blue bags for donations it's a sigh of relief as it's less to unpack. Do I need a thousand sweaters? Or a hundred scarves? Thanks, but no thanks. Bonus points if I can get the kids to do the same. How many pairs of pants does one boy need?
The last few weeks have been hectic, the new few are sure to be the same. But I really am looking forward to the process of making it my new home!!
Pigeon Pose Emotions Facebook Page
But anyway....I bought a house!!!
See!!
Turns out buying a house is a wee bit stressful and costs A LOT of money. Who knew? Someone really should have told me the difference. I mean we bought the house I'm in now, but that was like 8 years ago and I really think it's like giving birth, you forget about the pain the second the baby arrives....but then you get pregnant again, go into labour and you're all like OH MY FRIGGIN CRAP...why did I do this again?!?
Fees for this and fees for that, closing costs, down-payment and those dreaded lawyers. And don't even mention appointments and meetings...I haven't had three seconds to process it.
It also turns out that when you split your stuff up you end up needing to replace a lot. Looking for donations of a couch and chair...if you have one or what to buy me one I'd gladly take it. Same goes for any dressers, bookshelves or patio furniture. I move in on the 28th, a week away, and at this rate I might be sitting on buckets for a while! If you come to visit me you might want to bring a pillow for your bum. You also might want to bring me wine...just sayin'.
The process of packing has begun, which I always love as it's de-clutter time! I'm still on my less-is-more kick so as I pack up all the blue bags for donations it's a sigh of relief as it's less to unpack. Do I need a thousand sweaters? Or a hundred scarves? Thanks, but no thanks. Bonus points if I can get the kids to do the same. How many pairs of pants does one boy need?
The last few weeks have been hectic, the new few are sure to be the same. But I really am looking forward to the process of making it my new home!!
Pigeon Pose Emotions Facebook Page
Sunday 17 March 2013
For Immediate Press Release
After nearly twelve years of marriage, Todd and I would like to announce that we have decided to formally separate For those who follow these sorts of things (thank you Facebook), we would like to dispel any possible rumors and explain that our separation is not the result of any secret love affairs, or scandals. This decision has been made with much thought after months of marriage counselling.
We happily remain committed to raising our children is the least destructive way possible. Therefore, we both vow to refrain from talking about the details of this situation on social media. We feel strongly that, while a divorce is not the most pleasant thing to go through, it is a private situation that is nobody's concern but ours. It does not have to be a full on fight to the death blow out.
We both have love in our hearts for each other and will likely remain the best of friends. We still do family activities together, we plan to share holidays together and maybe even a weekly dinner or two. For anyone else going through a similar situation...it does not have to be a "bad" thing. In the span of a month, we have completed an agreement, both financially and in regards to custody that we both find fair. No lawyers, no silent treatments and no fighting in front of the kids. We take great pride in knowing that simple things like taking the children swimming together is still something we do even though we are no longer a couple.
This is not a bad thing. This is a step forward for both of us, just in separate directions. We will both be fine. We will help each other through the rough patches and in the end it will be a good thing.
I have received plenty of guidance throughout this process from friends and family, and the words that stick firm in my head are from the Chaplain at work..."It's not the 1950's anymore, you don't have to stay married for the sake of staying married." We are still in it for better or worse, for the kids, for our families, for each other...we are just doing from different households now.
We ask in advance for your kindness and sensitivity in the coming months.
Sincerely,
W & T
We happily remain committed to raising our children is the least destructive way possible. Therefore, we both vow to refrain from talking about the details of this situation on social media. We feel strongly that, while a divorce is not the most pleasant thing to go through, it is a private situation that is nobody's concern but ours. It does not have to be a full on fight to the death blow out.
We both have love in our hearts for each other and will likely remain the best of friends. We still do family activities together, we plan to share holidays together and maybe even a weekly dinner or two. For anyone else going through a similar situation...it does not have to be a "bad" thing. In the span of a month, we have completed an agreement, both financially and in regards to custody that we both find fair. No lawyers, no silent treatments and no fighting in front of the kids. We take great pride in knowing that simple things like taking the children swimming together is still something we do even though we are no longer a couple.
This is not a bad thing. This is a step forward for both of us, just in separate directions. We will both be fine. We will help each other through the rough patches and in the end it will be a good thing.
I have received plenty of guidance throughout this process from friends and family, and the words that stick firm in my head are from the Chaplain at work..."It's not the 1950's anymore, you don't have to stay married for the sake of staying married." We are still in it for better or worse, for the kids, for our families, for each other...we are just doing from different households now.
We ask in advance for your kindness and sensitivity in the coming months.
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go”
― Hermann Hesse
Sincerely,
W & T
Friday 22 February 2013
Girl on Fire
Two yoga classes in two days after being away from it for a looonnnggg time. Can you say OUCH?
It's not so much painful as just a constant awareness of all the muscles in my body at once. Like all the normal muscles are saying "hi there, nice to see you again", and all the weird little muscles you never think about are more like "YO' BITCH, HERE I AM...BAM".
My body feels like it's got little sparks of energy flowing thru it. Almost like a engine, and all it's little pistons and spark plugs or whatever. You know what I mean...I'm feeling the burn. Everywhere....
(not my real breasts or buttocks...)
I leave the class with a complete body stone, probably wouldn't pass a sobriety test...no sofficer, drunk I'm not, I's swears I meants to poke myself in the eye. My body feels heavy and light all at the same time. I feel so content. I get the munchies. I drift off into la-la-land. It's all good. I am in my bliss. My happy place. Plus I get a workout, which is probably why I'm walking a little slower and why it hurts when I laugh (hi there, teeny-tiny ab muscles...I can feel you!). Win-win.
I really felt like I'd never left. It's been months without consistent yoga. I've dabbled in a few youtube classes. I'm suffered thru some P90X yoga...NOT fun. I've had my fair share of pigeon poses before bed but it's definitely not the same. The moment my head hit the mat and I felt the warm air rush over me I knew I was back in heaven.
It may take a while before I'm really back in my zone of falling asleep and crying but I'm sure it will come.
It's not so much painful as just a constant awareness of all the muscles in my body at once. Like all the normal muscles are saying "hi there, nice to see you again", and all the weird little muscles you never think about are more like "YO' BITCH, HERE I AM...BAM".
My body feels like it's got little sparks of energy flowing thru it. Almost like a engine, and all it's little pistons and spark plugs or whatever. You know what I mean...I'm feeling the burn. Everywhere....
I leave the class with a complete body stone, probably wouldn't pass a sobriety test...no sofficer, drunk I'm not, I's swears I meants to poke myself in the eye. My body feels heavy and light all at the same time. I feel so content. I get the munchies. I drift off into la-la-land. It's all good. I am in my bliss. My happy place. Plus I get a workout, which is probably why I'm walking a little slower and why it hurts when I laugh (hi there, teeny-tiny ab muscles...I can feel you!). Win-win.
I really felt like I'd never left. It's been months without consistent yoga. I've dabbled in a few youtube classes. I'm suffered thru some P90X yoga...NOT fun. I've had my fair share of pigeon poses before bed but it's definitely not the same. The moment my head hit the mat and I felt the warm air rush over me I knew I was back in heaven.
It may take a while before I'm really back in my zone of falling asleep and crying but I'm sure it will come.
Friday 1 February 2013
40 Questions
My new favorite app....StumbleUpon!
In my new found desire for less crappy TV in my life, I've turned to reading a bit more than usual and have stumbled upon *ha!* a few fun websites.
I found a link today, where it asks 40 questions, some deep, some not so much. But as I was reading them I was like WOW, some of these I'd really have to think about...so why not try to write it out!
1. What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago? I'd probably say go out with friends. It's not always easy for me to pull my mental self together. I've been making the effort, and so far so good.
2. What's been on your mind most lately? The future and what to do with it.
3. Right now, at this moment, what do you want most? Drugs...I'm fighting the flu. Also, just to be happy and content.
4. In order of importance how would you rank: happiness, money, love, health, fame? Easy...happiness, love, health, money, fame.
5. What would best describe the way you've spent the last month of your life? Soul searching
6. What is the #1 motivator in your life right now? My children and what's best for them in the long run.
7. In one sentence, who are you? Sweet monkey...that's a hard one. Here goes...I am a fun, loving, good mom, who struggles with MY wants versus everyone else.
8. What do you want to known for? My ability to see thru clothing, and maybe my humor?
9. If you had to move 3000 miles away, what one thing would you miss most? About my city? Not much. About my life? My best friend. Y'all can fight over who that actually is!
10. In one year from today, how do you think your life will be different? We will have moved to a better place for our little family to thrive.
11. Who makes you feel good about yourself? YOU do! *GAG* Just kidding. Seriously, it's you.
12. What are the top three qualities you look for in a friend? Crazy, fun, loyal
13. What has fear of failure stopped you from doing? Blogging more, furthering my education, and becoming an acrobat.
14. What is something you have always wanted since you were a kid? A father figure...a preacher teacher, anything I have in mind...oh wait...I have the love of my life AKA Poppy, my grandfather...but a legit dad in my life would have been nice and still bothers me as an adult.
15. What stands between you and what you want? Armed guards.
16. What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy? Cry or sing really loudly while I drive.
17. When did you first realize life is short? Uhm...my first 31 years have actually seemed pretty long. I'll get back to you on that.
18. What do you need to spend more time doing. YOGA! And drinking wine, and eating, mostly bacon, I don't get nearly enough bacon in my life. Plus sleeping, and general exercise. A walk wouldn't kill me now and then. Or would it?!
19. What issues do you continually refuse to confront? My weight. My daddy issues. My phobias. My constant need for approval. My...wait, this list was supposed to be fun? Excuse me while I go cry in a corner...
20. What's something a lot of people do that you disagree with? Ride the welfare system. Drag their kids into fights. Vote Republican. Drink & Drive.
21. What's a common misconception people have about you? I don't think most people realize how easily my feelings get hurt, how personally I take things, and how often I wish I could punch people in the throat because of it.
22. What's something no one can ever take away from you? My memories...unless of course we are invaded my aliens and they probe me or something.
23. What is something that you would hate to live without for a day? Oxygen. That would suck.
24. When you look into the past, what do you miss the most? My grandparent's cottage and my old house.
25. What memory from this past year makes you smile the most? My trip to Vancouver with the crazy fools from work. Is it SPICY?!?
26. What's the number one change you need to make in your life in the next twelve months? Finances. More money, more problems. No money...still as many problems.
27. If not now, then when? September 21st, 2021
28. What have you done that you are truly proud of? Raised two decent kids, who haven't burned down the house, or been arrested. Yet...
29. What's something new you recently learned about yourself? I am more patient than I thought I could ever be.
30. What do you want to remember forever? To just breathe.
31. What could society do without? Twitter, guns, and Snooki, and Snooki-like people. She's NOT a role model folks!!
32. What is one thing, right now, that you are totally unsure of? My future...and math.
33. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be? Wendy for Prime Minister!!! She's change the country...one laid-off politician at a time!
34. What's something you said you'd never do, but have since done? Be like my mother...LOL.
35. What's something you changed your mind about when you grew older? Sour candies
36. What didn't last forever, but was still worth your while? The last bouquet of flowers I bought myself.
37. If you could go back in time and tell a younger version of yourself one thing what would it be? I answered that last year....If I Would Have Known
38. If you knew you were dying in 60 seconds, what would your last words be? You're my favorite.
39. When it's all said and done, will you have said more than you've done? Yeah, probably. Pfft.
40. What questions do you often ask yourself? What am I doing with my life? And, where's the damn remote?!?
Now...what are your answers?
40 Questions Link
In my new found desire for less crappy TV in my life, I've turned to reading a bit more than usual and have stumbled upon *ha!* a few fun websites.
I found a link today, where it asks 40 questions, some deep, some not so much. But as I was reading them I was like WOW, some of these I'd really have to think about...so why not try to write it out!
1. What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago? I'd probably say go out with friends. It's not always easy for me to pull my mental self together. I've been making the effort, and so far so good.
2. What's been on your mind most lately? The future and what to do with it.
3. Right now, at this moment, what do you want most? Drugs...I'm fighting the flu. Also, just to be happy and content.
4. In order of importance how would you rank: happiness, money, love, health, fame? Easy...happiness, love, health, money, fame.
5. What would best describe the way you've spent the last month of your life? Soul searching
6. What is the #1 motivator in your life right now? My children and what's best for them in the long run.
7. In one sentence, who are you? Sweet monkey...that's a hard one. Here goes...I am a fun, loving, good mom, who struggles with MY wants versus everyone else.
8. What do you want to known for? My ability to see thru clothing, and maybe my humor?
9. If you had to move 3000 miles away, what one thing would you miss most? About my city? Not much. About my life? My best friend. Y'all can fight over who that actually is!
10. In one year from today, how do you think your life will be different? We will have moved to a better place for our little family to thrive.
11. Who makes you feel good about yourself? YOU do! *GAG* Just kidding. Seriously, it's you.
12. What are the top three qualities you look for in a friend? Crazy, fun, loyal
13. What has fear of failure stopped you from doing? Blogging more, furthering my education, and becoming an acrobat.
14. What is something you have always wanted since you were a kid? A father figure...a preacher teacher, anything I have in mind...oh wait...I have the love of my life AKA Poppy, my grandfather...but a legit dad in my life would have been nice and still bothers me as an adult.
15. What stands between you and what you want? Armed guards.
16. What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy? Cry or sing really loudly while I drive.
17. When did you first realize life is short? Uhm...my first 31 years have actually seemed pretty long. I'll get back to you on that.
18. What do you need to spend more time doing. YOGA! And drinking wine, and eating, mostly bacon, I don't get nearly enough bacon in my life. Plus sleeping, and general exercise. A walk wouldn't kill me now and then. Or would it?!
19. What issues do you continually refuse to confront? My weight. My daddy issues. My phobias. My constant need for approval. My...wait, this list was supposed to be fun? Excuse me while I go cry in a corner...
20. What's something a lot of people do that you disagree with? Ride the welfare system. Drag their kids into fights. Vote Republican. Drink & Drive.
21. What's a common misconception people have about you? I don't think most people realize how easily my feelings get hurt, how personally I take things, and how often I wish I could punch people in the throat because of it.
22. What's something no one can ever take away from you? My memories...unless of course we are invaded my aliens and they probe me or something.
23. What is something that you would hate to live without for a day? Oxygen. That would suck.
24. When you look into the past, what do you miss the most? My grandparent's cottage and my old house.
25. What memory from this past year makes you smile the most? My trip to Vancouver with the crazy fools from work. Is it SPICY?!?
26. What's the number one change you need to make in your life in the next twelve months? Finances. More money, more problems. No money...still as many problems.
27. If not now, then when? September 21st, 2021
28. What have you done that you are truly proud of? Raised two decent kids, who haven't burned down the house, or been arrested. Yet...
29. What's something new you recently learned about yourself? I am more patient than I thought I could ever be.
30. What do you want to remember forever? To just breathe.
31. What could society do without? Twitter, guns, and Snooki, and Snooki-like people. She's NOT a role model folks!!
32. What is one thing, right now, that you are totally unsure of? My future...and math.
33. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be? Wendy for Prime Minister!!! She's change the country...one laid-off politician at a time!
34. What's something you said you'd never do, but have since done? Be like my mother...LOL.
35. What's something you changed your mind about when you grew older? Sour candies
36. What didn't last forever, but was still worth your while? The last bouquet of flowers I bought myself.
37. If you could go back in time and tell a younger version of yourself one thing what would it be? I answered that last year....If I Would Have Known
38. If you knew you were dying in 60 seconds, what would your last words be? You're my favorite.
39. When it's all said and done, will you have said more than you've done? Yeah, probably. Pfft.
40. What questions do you often ask yourself? What am I doing with my life? And, where's the damn remote?!?
Now...what are your answers?
40 Questions Link
Thursday 31 January 2013
Funky Town
Pigeon Pose Emotions Facebook Page
Guess who finally got a new computer!!!! I've been without for so long that my new MINI laptop seems HUGE in comparison to my iPhone. Withdrawals ovah!
Hmmm, where do I begin? Back this train up to pre-Christmas. Life has been hectic and stressful and crazy.
But in the same breath, not really. Just weird. And I suppose I've been in a bit of a funk.
Hubby and I have been on a path of ups and downs. In the stress of it all, we decided to bite the bullet and try to sort ourselves out health wise. Needless to say, our one little doctor's appointment to get blood work done has now turned us into vitamin popping, kale eating, documentary watching, sleep-obsessed machines.
We both have low vitamin D, I have low iron, he has high triglycerides, and we both have sleep apnea!! **Convenient that the company who diagnosed us with this is private (ca-ching ca-ching), I'm still a bit skeptical** It's been weekly appointments for one thing or another. I may or may not have an ulcer, seriously, waiting for those results right now. If it's not an ulcer, it could be my ovaries, my appendix, or maybe I'm just constipated...says my doctor...can't wait for THAT test.
Anyway, sexy time now has to be planned because NOBODY, really...NOBODY...wants to do it like this...
Guess who finally got a new computer!!!! I've been without for so long that my new MINI laptop seems HUGE in comparison to my iPhone. Withdrawals ovah!
Hmmm, where do I begin? Back this train up to pre-Christmas. Life has been hectic and stressful and crazy.
But in the same breath, not really. Just weird. And I suppose I've been in a bit of a funk.
Hubby and I have been on a path of ups and downs. In the stress of it all, we decided to bite the bullet and try to sort ourselves out health wise. Needless to say, our one little doctor's appointment to get blood work done has now turned us into vitamin popping, kale eating, documentary watching, sleep-obsessed machines.
We both have low vitamin D, I have low iron, he has high triglycerides, and we both have sleep apnea!! **Convenient that the company who diagnosed us with this is private (ca-ching ca-ching), I'm still a bit skeptical** It's been weekly appointments for one thing or another. I may or may not have an ulcer, seriously, waiting for those results right now. If it's not an ulcer, it could be my ovaries, my appendix, or maybe I'm just constipated...says my doctor...can't wait for THAT test.
Anyway, sexy time now has to be planned because NOBODY, really...NOBODY...wants to do it like this...
Yeah...hot.
We are on a 30 day trial to see if the machines make a difference in our lives. So far, not so much. I'm one week in, and I haven't noticed a change. Maybe a wee bit more alert in the morning...maybe. We have an unspoken rule...if the mask goes on right away then it's sleepy time. If the mask stays off, well lock the door!!
I've also pretty much given up TV. Ok, really I've just moved on to Netflix, but still, I gave up most of my smut TV. I haven't even seen the new Bachelor!! What?!?! Imagine!
I decided that I wanted to start watching more authentic shows, no crap, just good/decent shows. Ok, really, with the exception of Sons of Anarchy, Breaking Bad, and Scandal...but those are all educational in a way. I now fully understand how to smuggle guns, cook meth, and sleep with the President (fingers crossed!!).
The one thing missing in my life is my yoga. I'm sad to say I haven't been going to class at all for months now. I've been to a few random classes, but that's really only cause I miss my FAV teacher Estelle so I have to get my fix from time to time! Otherwise, I'm so overwhelmed with "life" and it sucks because yoga is probably, ok definitely, what I need the most right now. I'm just in such a funk. I want the cloud to lift so I can see the rainbow.
Seriously, thank goodness for my friends, cause they are about the only thing keeping me sane right now. Ok...not quite sane, more like not-jumping-off-a-cliff-batshit-crazy. They've even brought me closer to my mission of becoming a wino! Ah...friends! All meltdowns can be cured by a good girls-night!
Thursday 3 January 2013
Just Call Me Dusty Westchester...
I don't usually remember my dreams but when I do it's usually because they are extremely steamy or terrifying.
I once had a dream about a plane crash in my front yard, with bloody and screaming bodies everywhere. I could even smell the burning flesh in my dream. Gross, I know.
Last night I had an inappropriate dream about a celebrity. No, not Brad Pitt. Not even George Clooney. I would have loved for it to have been Bill Clinton…seriously; I have a thing for older men. (Daddy issues, whatever). Nope…none of those guys. I had a dream about Ian Ziering from Beverly Hills
I have no clue why. I haven't seen him on TV. I don't even know if he counts as a celebrity anymore? D-List at best.
Curiosity killed the cat, so I googled sex dreams with celebrities. Here's what I found:
To dream that you are having sex with a celebrity indicates your drive to be successful. You are striving for recognition. Consider what movies you associate this celebrity with for clues as to where and what you want to achieve success in.
Ok…let’s go with that. Let me see what movies he's been in and how this could possibly apply to me?
Tyrannosaurus Azteca - Two years before his famous encounter with Montezuma, Cortes is sent on a scouting mission to shores south of Mexico
The Christmas Hope - When lives intertwine during Christmas, hope is the only unifying gift. After suffering a personal tragedy, a social worker throws herself into finding homes for children in need.
Lava Storm - Lori and John Wilson, employees of an emergency response center, must find a way to survive the initial lava storms, to save John's father and their two teenage children. Even more importantly, they must find a way to slow the path of the lava storms, to give humankind the time to find a solution to this natural disaster, in order to save humanity and our Earth.
Stripped Down - With two fellow strippers, Lily spirals into a world of money, sex, and violence, ultimately awakening to a new 'stripped down' reality.
And, of course, I have contemplated this for a few minutes and have finally figured out what I am supposed to do with my life!!
I’m going to move to
Sounds about right…
Wednesday 2 January 2013
Out and About
So I'm a few months into my thirties (14 months is a few) and I've realized something…I quite enjoy it!
Something's happened to me in the last few months, I've come outside my shell a bit and actually started going out with friends! WOOT!
Some of you would know that I'm a big-time introvert when it comes to social activities. I'm all fun and games at work or at home, but put me in a social setting and I lose my bananas. Especially with people I don't know or with those I'm not truly comfortable with. I much prefer the comfort of my own home. I am often quite content to just sit in silence and be with my thoughts (sometimes naughty, sometimes not). I always used the kids as my excuse. Can't find a babysitter. It's too late. They have friends over. Yada-yada. And as much as there was truth to that, I really just did not WANT to go anywhere. I'm not a big drinker *though I have found my love for wine FINALLY*, so I never really liked late nights out. Plus who wants to be the sober one in a room full of drunks? I'm much more comfortable in jeans and flip flops than a dress. I really, really, REALLY, would prefer to stay home. I don't really like fashion so girly-talk frustrates me. I have two pairs of high heels and I hate them both. I don't like to dress up or do my hair. I would rather spend that time and energy on reading a book or watching TV. I hate making plans in advance because I never really know what mood I will be in. And, ok…my anxiety also plays a part in not wanting to go out but that's a whole other story…and blog.
But lately, I don't even know what's happening…I'm actually enjoying social nights out with friends. Maybe it's the friends or maybe it's me growing up…or maybe it's just cause I love a good excuse to eat food. I don't know, but I've been venturing out so much that I've almost forgotten about TV and the internet. I used to be obsessed with Perez Hilton and People and X17 but now I couldn't even tell you if Justin and Selena are still together or not. I do know that Kimye is pregnant, but that's only cause it was a slow day at work. Did you know Jessica Simpson is pregnant too?!
(My laptop is also broken, which is a big part but I'm so over it that I don't even really care if we replace it. Unless you have a free laptop to give me, then yes, I definitely want one. Oh, and that's also the reason for the lack of blogs..an Iphone just doesn't cut it for typing…so if you want more blogs start a fundraiser to get me a computer!!)
I have a DVR that's usually full of shows for me to watch, and at one point I think I had like 40+ shows set up to record consistently. Now, between hanging out with my girlfriends, and spending more time watching shows that are actually interesting I don't even really watch much TV either. We are thinking about dropping cable and just using other means to download what we want to watch. I really can go without CSI, Law & Order, and all those sitcoms that are predictable anyway. Maybe I'll even give up Glee too. Nah…wait…OMG…I could never give up Glee. Well, I could give it up as long as I googled what songs they sang so I could download those too?
We are also thinking about cutting the house phone, but that's more to keep bill collectors away.
I read somewhere that if you want more time in your life to just watch less TV. I ended up doing that without even trying. I'm not saying I'll be out everything night, I just plan on saying YES when I want to and NO when I don't…simple as that.
Say hello to my facebook page: Pigeon Pose Emotions
Something's happened to me in the last few months, I've come outside my shell a bit and actually started going out with friends! WOOT!
Some of you would know that I'm a big-time introvert when it comes to social activities. I'm all fun and games at work or at home, but put me in a social setting and I lose my bananas. Especially with people I don't know or with those I'm not truly comfortable with. I much prefer the comfort of my own home. I am often quite content to just sit in silence and be with my thoughts (sometimes naughty, sometimes not). I always used the kids as my excuse. Can't find a babysitter. It's too late. They have friends over. Yada-yada. And as much as there was truth to that, I really just did not WANT to go anywhere. I'm not a big drinker *though I have found my love for wine FINALLY*, so I never really liked late nights out. Plus who wants to be the sober one in a room full of drunks? I'm much more comfortable in jeans and flip flops than a dress. I really, really, REALLY, would prefer to stay home. I don't really like fashion so girly-talk frustrates me. I have two pairs of high heels and I hate them both. I don't like to dress up or do my hair. I would rather spend that time and energy on reading a book or watching TV. I hate making plans in advance because I never really know what mood I will be in. And, ok…my anxiety also plays a part in not wanting to go out but that's a whole other story…and blog.
But lately, I don't even know what's happening…I'm actually enjoying social nights out with friends. Maybe it's the friends or maybe it's me growing up…or maybe it's just cause I love a good excuse to eat food. I don't know, but I've been venturing out so much that I've almost forgotten about TV and the internet. I used to be obsessed with Perez Hilton and People and X17 but now I couldn't even tell you if Justin and Selena are still together or not. I do know that Kimye is pregnant, but that's only cause it was a slow day at work. Did you know Jessica Simpson is pregnant too?!
(My laptop is also broken, which is a big part but I'm so over it that I don't even really care if we replace it. Unless you have a free laptop to give me, then yes, I definitely want one. Oh, and that's also the reason for the lack of blogs..an Iphone just doesn't cut it for typing…so if you want more blogs start a fundraiser to get me a computer!!)
I have a DVR that's usually full of shows for me to watch, and at one point I think I had like 40+ shows set up to record consistently. Now, between hanging out with my girlfriends, and spending more time watching shows that are actually interesting I don't even really watch much TV either. We are thinking about dropping cable and just using other means to download what we want to watch. I really can go without CSI, Law & Order, and all those sitcoms that are predictable anyway. Maybe I'll even give up Glee too. Nah…wait…OMG…I could never give up Glee. Well, I could give it up as long as I googled what songs they sang so I could download those too?
We are also thinking about cutting the house phone, but that's more to keep bill collectors away.
I read somewhere that if you want more time in your life to just watch less TV. I ended up doing that without even trying. I'm not saying I'll be out everything night, I just plan on saying YES when I want to and NO when I don't…simple as that.
Say hello to my facebook page: Pigeon Pose Emotions
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)