My Way or The Highway

In the last two days, I have seen two separate "Mommy Bashings" posts on Facebook in reference to disciplining little asshole toddlers...I mean sweet little bastards...wait, that's still not right...how to discipline your developing children.

Can I just say this...unless somehow MY child's behaviour is affecting your life then maybe you should just back off and see that just like there are two sides to every story, there are (at least) two different ways to be a good parent.  Why is your way the right way? Maybe your way worked for you, and your children, but maybe that way doesn't work for me and my children.  Or even better, maybe I've tried your way, and every other know-it-all's way and that didn't work either.  Maybe my child isn't as smart as your child, or as advanced.  Or maybe, your kid is the dumb one and mine needs a more creative and strategic way of learning.  Just kidding...all kids are equally dumb. No worries.

Let's start with being pregnant.  Do this. Don't do that. Ughhh...you CANNOT be eating sushi?! Did you just touch the kitty litter box?! You mean you aren't doing every single prenatal class available?  Did you smoke AND drink during the first three months cause you weren't tracking your period daily and didn't know you were pregnant yet? OMG. You could KILL your unborn child that way.
Worst pregnant person ever.

You used an epidural?? That's not natural. Why would you want a drug-free birth?? That's so unnatural. You're NOT going to breastfeed?! Cover those boobs! Why are you covering your boobs?!
You DIDN'T hire a doula?! Dumbass...(Soo, I agree with this one, but whatevs!)
Worst new mommy ever.

The little demons aren't even a few hours old and you've already been bombarded with a thousand things you did "wrong" during the nine months YOU grew them. Wouldn't it be nice to just get a "good job" now and then?

I'm going to let you in on a little secret...it doesn't get better. As if the mommy-guilts aren't bad enough anyway, you will now continue to get the mommy-bashing from this point til they reach college. Maybe it will stop then if you manage to not raise a sociopath serial killer. And if you DID raise one of those, well obviously you did something horribly wrong right?!  Cause I'm sure all parents of serial killers intended to raise them as such.

I wish we lived in a world where we could all just be supportive and believe that parents are just honestly trying their best. My best might be different than yours but it's still MY best. Maybe I am raising my children the way I was raised. Maybe I'm raising them the complete opposite of how I was raised. Maybe, just maybe, I'm seriously trying my hardest to just do my 'job' and get my kids to 18 years old without permanently damaging them for life.

If only...

Toddler time...I would never let MY child do that. I would never let MY child do that. If I was you I would do this. If I was you I wouldn't do that.  He still has a bottle?! She's still in diapers?!? MY toddler is a genius. MY toddler is soooo polite (even though you have to remind them each and every time). MY toddler would never...

Guess what?! I've said it before...toddlers are assholes. And yes, your toddler is an asshole too.  But as mommies, we are blinded by our own spawns assholery and clearly only see the assholery of others.
EVERY child will, at some point, throw a tantrum in a public place, steal a toy from another child, bite you, hit you, and the vast majority will even risk their own lives by defiantly saying NO for the millionth time. Your perfect little toddler is no different than the rest.  If you think they are somehow an idealistic little breed of their own then you are clearly over-medicated on clonazepam and are still in a fog.

The difference between your devil-spawn and mine is their personalities.  Some toddlers are quieter, some may be able to play well by themselves. I know a few who rarely cry. Some are more outgoing, more talkative, and more stubborn.  There are rarely two toddlers who are the exact same. So why would we all have the exact parenting tactics?

Can't we all just agree that as long as no laws are being broken that we are all just trying our best? Despite the 1000's of books on raising the perfect child, there are no rules when it comes to parenting the best way you know how. The very last thing a stressed out parent needs is to feel the wrath of a social media attack.

Maybe next time, instead of pointing out someone's "flaw", you take the time to find something you actually admire about the way they are raising their kids.  Instead of saying 'you're doing that wrong', how about 'you're doing this right'...

I Had a Vision of Love...

Years ago, shortly after we moved here, while I was still obsessed with all the 'new' things our city had to offer, I took a picture of one of the many ships that used to pass by in the harbour behind our house. The picture turned out quite well, so I added it as the background on my computer.  I didn't really think much of it, it was just a nice picture.

As the years rolled by, I was steadily applying for any/all government jobs I was qualified for.  We all know how stable and fun those jobs are right?!  (HA)  Well, imagine my excitement when I finally landed a job with the government.  I was so excited. I was going to be making actual money, I'd have sweet hours, and a guaranteed pension so long as I didn't get my butt fired within the next 25 years.

(BTW, you literally have to murder someone to get fired from a government job...you can thank/blame the unions for that)

I clearly remember sitting on the edge of my bed, turning on my computer, and having this A-HA moment of seeing the ship and realizing that I was now working with the Navy (Dept of Defence).  I kind of chuckled to myself and thought "hmm, that's cool"...it's like a mini vision board.

I was never a crazy believer in stuff like that, it seemed so far fetched. Vision boards or the vision board type of people were basically tree-hugging, LSD taking, hippies in my mind.
Though I will admit after that little A-HA moment, I did change my background to dollar signs for a few months. But other than that, I basically forgot about it and moved on.

Another random night, I remember writing a wish list with my, at the time, husband.  It had the most random stuff on the list. Everything from stuff we wanted to do with the house, to trips we dreamed of.  Fast forward to the end of our marriage, I'm packing up stuff from our bedroom and I find our little wish list hidden underneath the bedside table. I took a moment to be nostalgic and read the list.  Paint the living room...hmm, we did that! Steps to the back-back yard...I did that too!! A trip to Newfoundland...holy crap...I went to NL for a friends wedding!!! This is weeeeiird....

The biggie on the list...a trip to NYC....WHAT!?! That is exactly what we had done the year before for our anniversary!!  Okay, so by now, I'm officially freaked out a lot.

Needless to say, so began my love for vision boards.

Over the last year and a half, I've often printed off quotes or pictures that 'spoke' to me.  It would just be a random thing here and there.  I would throw them all in an envelope with the intention of creating an actual board.  If you've ever been to my house, you know that projects take a looonggg time to finish. So yeah, they are still in an envelope.

I talked a bit in my last post about my job being boring. It really is. I don't find it challenging, and when I get bored I get in trouble.  Trying to avoid (another) letter of discipline on my file, I decided to throw myself out there to help with a (currently vacant) job that has been ignored for quite some time.  It's an "Excellence Program" position, light and fluffy stuff like the newsletter...which I already do at work anyway, and then more tedious stuff like process maps and unit instructions....zzzzzzzzz...oh sorry, I dosed off there for a second.  It's not the most glamorous or fun job, but it's something that's always peaked my interest. It's a position that has interested me for quite some time but was always filled until recently. I work my little "Wendy is bored" magic, get the wheels turning behind the scenes and the next thing you know....BAM, Wendy is now doing a vast majority of the excellence program stuff at work.  YAAH!

I actually am quite stoked about this. It's not a job that will pay more, it's like only going to last maybe another year before it gets filled by someone "more qualified", but it's interested and will spice up my work life.

Where was I going with this?  Oh right...vision board.  So I'm sitting at home tonight, sipping vodka and listening to music while I read a Jenny McCarthy book (just a typical Monday night).  I get a little bored with that so I decided to go rummage through my hope chest to pull out some doula books to read when I stumble upon the vision board envelope. Meh, why not?! I pull it all out, and start looking through the pictures when all of a sudden...

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR...

Work It Out

Ever wake up and think “BLAH, I hate my daily life”?  No? I hate you.
Yes? Well, now we have at least one thing in common!

I’ve always struggled with “just” being an office clerk.  I push paper all day.  Whoopy-f’ing-doodle-doo. This definitely was not how I saw my career playing out as a daydreaming teenager. I’d always wanted to be a labour and delivery nurse.  Then, BAM, teenage pregnancy side-tracked that.  

A brief run-down....I dropped out of high school, got my GED a few years later, completed a year long community college course as an Executive Assistant, spent a few years in meaningless, low paying jobs, and then finally landed a good federal government job.  I really thought I’d scored the jackpot.  THIS was a golden opportunity to bring me right thru to retirement...with a good pension as an added bonus.

So, 6 years later...while I hate to complain about a well paying, stable job, it’s dreadfully boring and leaves me feeling unfulfilled. To be completely honest, I fucking hate my job. It kills my soul to think of doing the same clerk work for another twenty years.  Drinking bleach seems more appealing.

It’s not exactly easy to climb the ladder as a clerk. Especially right now, with budget cuts, it’s nearly impossible.  I’ve managed to get myself involved in other opportunities that actually interest me but it’s very unlikely it will ever turn into a new job. I’ve volunteered to do the monthly newsletter, I’ve volunteered to do process mapping (I may regret that one), I’m on every damn committee, I take all the pictures at any work functions....basically, I’m the social butterfly girl.  It all seems fine and dandy until you start to develop the reputation of the “girl who doesn’t work”.  Apparently, “work” only counts as “work” if it sucks. Having fun and enjoying your day is frowned upon in the government sector. Well, unless you're Rob Ford...but I can't really afford crack.

Here’s where I knew my doula gig would come in handy.  I think I could handle being dreadfully bored in my day-to-day life if I knew I had the doula stuff to spice up my life from time to time. Mostly it does work.  I get to be a doula just enough that it’s satisfying without disrupting my work life or home life.  

A few months ago, the stars aligned and the yoga-love of my life, Estelle, sent me an email asking if I would be interested in doing a labour/delivery & yoga workshop with her!  Helllz yeah I in!!

We worked together to create a two hour workshop, complete with great yoga poses to use during labour and some doula tips to help the process be more enjoyable. (Yes, birth CAN be enjoyable)

I always knew I was a capable doula, it’s kind of impossible to screw it up really, but having her want to partner with me on this was the kick in the ass I needed to be more confident about it. I charged just enough money to cover my costs as I didn't like I was “worth” any more than that.  I would always tell people I was training to be a doula...it was Estelle who said, “Screw that girl, you ARE a doula”. She’s also the one who convinced me I was worth more than just covering my costs. Once again, Estelle changed my life...

The first workshop was so nerve wracking. OMG, I don’t even remember what I said or did. Would people like us? Would they learn anything?  Would it be a complete flop??

Turns out it was a complete hit! BOO-YAH! I think we both squealed a little when the workshop was over.  I could not believe I was actually getting paid to do this!!!  I finally understood what it was like to have a “job” that you love to do.  The money was just icing on the cake!

Today was the 4^th workshop. Each time we’ve had a full house, get tons of great feedback, I’ve even landed a few doula gigs because of it. It’s so much fun to do, it’s always entertaining, and even though I still get a bit of anxiety before each workshop I can finally say I have a job that I love! 

Life isn’t as easy as just quitting my day job or I would be a full time doula. Mortgage payments, bills, and two spoiled kids mean I have to keep the day job for now.  But my god, does this new “job” ever feel good for the soul...