A day we'll never forget...

September 11th, 2001

Its the first time in my life that I was affected by anything bad the world had to offer. I was too young to be affected by the Gulf War. I vaguely remember bits and pieces of the Oklahoma bombing, specifically a picture of a little child being carried by a fireman but I'd never experienced such a grief, especially for something that seemed so close, yet so far away. 

By September 11th, 2001, I was a mother, I was a wife, I was an adult. An adult that saw and fully understood the repercussions of what was happening.  I knew the world would never be the same. This was my generation's Pearl Harbour, or JFK shooting...a day we'd all remember exactly where we were when we heard the news.

I woke up that morning like any other day. I got ready, dropped Jeremy off at daycare and headed for my morning class at CompuCollege.  I do not remember what I wore, or what classes I had that day.  I do not remember what the weather was like, or what we had for breakfast.

I do remember a teacher coming in and telling us a small plane had hit a building in NYC.  We turned on the TV to CNN, and at that point we realized this was not a "small plane".  We watched the second plane hit, and watched the towers fall. It was complete shock to the system.  I don't think any one of us realized the full affects at the time.  I remember leaving class, and rushing to the daycare to grab Jeremy.  Its like I just needed to be with him, to have him close to me.  I remember wanting to be with people, I just did not want to be alone.  I packed Jeremy in the car and we went to my in-laws.  There, we sat for hours, watching the news, the same footage rolling across the screen.  They must have replayed those planes flying at the building a thousand times, if not more.  I remember being so overwhelmed by everything. All the details, and witness, and videos.  The shots of people running through the streets, covered in dust and blood.

The next few days are all a blur...I know I watched so much coverage.  It was all I thought about, it was all we talked about, it was in my dreams.  Really, thank goodness it was in the days before we had internet or I probably wouldn't have slept.  I remember being so glued to the TV, yet it was starting to repeat itself so much that I could almost recite it word for word.  There was a point when I remember thinking "ok, enough is enough".  Please put 'normal' TV back on!  Then I would feel bad about even thinking that and would just go back to watching CNN.  What a twisted thing for someone not involved.  I knew nobody, I knew nobody who knew anybody involved...yet I felt so bad for taking a break from it.  I remember Mayor Guiliani being on SNL, and telling New Yorkers it was ok to laugh again.  Somehow that made me feel better too, and it seemed to just fade back to normal from there.

Almost 10 years later, in July, my dream to visit NYC comes true.  I remember Todd being so adamant that we go visit Ground Zero.  To me, it seemed wrong.  Almost like we didn't belong. I mean, we aren't New Yorkers, we don't know anyone who died. I felt like I was intruding.  I really didn't want to go. I would have avoided that entire area if it were up to me.  But we ended up there anyway...

We kind of stumbled upon it.  It's not like they have signs saying "Hey, Ground Zero...this way!".  My first thought was "this is it?!".  It was a taped off construction zone.  I don't really know what I had in mind. I guess I just figured it would be different.  I think maybe I was expecting it be more somber.  Like a constant vigil. But in true New York fashion, withing two minutes we were given a demo CD of an "up and coming rapper" and asked for a donation!!  Yep, that's why I love NYC!   We started taking it in.  We'd purchased this booklet of before and after photos.  That's when it really hit me.  As I stood in front of a church that was once covered in ashes and debris, it was like the impact of what really happened hit me even harder.  It was most shocking to stand by one of the tallest building downtown and see the pictures of the Twin Towers that were more than double the size of the one we stood by. Of course, for my twisted brain, it was more terrifying that I really wanted to deal with, especially on vacation, so I regretfully rushed us through the rest faster that I should have. If....WHEN...I go back to NYC, this is definitely something I would like to do again, and this time take the time.

I have so much respect for anyone who lives in New York.  What they went through must have been the most terrifying experience.  Even 10 years later, as we walked the streets, every time a plane flew by it was the first thought I had.  I can only imagine what its like for those who lived it. 

Just randomly, we stopped to pet a dog that a lady was walking. She asked us if we were visiting...hmm, did Todd tourist-kitbag give us away?!  She'd asked if we were down at the world trade centre site, and just by chance it was the day before that we had been there. She started telling us that her boyfriend had been in one of the towers and didn't make it out. She was just a random lady but by the end of the conversation we kind of felt like we knew her.  It was a weird feeling to stand at the corner of Central Park and chat like old friends.  She is married now, and seemed happy, but at the same time she had said that she'd never been able to bring herself down there.  Sad, really. Ten years later and it so obviously still affects her.

As I sit here watching a 9/11 special, I'm wondering to myself....would I be able to go there if I'd lost a loved one?  I don't know.  But I do know that I count my blessings each day...and never forget those who died on that day.