This week is all about active listening and being accessible...being there, being present.
At work, we have these fluffy-touchy-feely courses all about communication. These are the courses we take when we don't want to go to work because none of it ever seems to be usable in real-life. These courses are good for doodling and making origami boats.
Paraphrasing drives me nuts...so if I hear you correctly, paraphrasing drives Wendy nuts. Yes. Yes it does. Oh it does? Yes it does.
I suck at conflict, face-to-face is killer. I'm very passive-aggressive...another thing I learned at these courses! I hate eye contact, especially forced eye contact. I rarely stand up for myself, I let people hurt my feelings and pretend it doesn't matter. I crack jokes about myself to cover up my insecurities. If I feel attacked, I disappear into my shell....typically. There's always my freak-out moments, but those are like once a year. I am absolutely no good at communication. I leave those classes no better off. I never forsee a day of me actually asking for what I want or don't want. Even worse than asking for something is telling someone you don't want something...dreadful. Obviously when it's hubby that I want something from that's a different story. Asking is not hard when it's friends or close friends...it's work or strangers that freak me right out.
One thing I did learn, and randomly enough, it was from a participate of a class, not the teacher...was to ask your children open-ended questions. I went 6 years of asking Jeremy "how was school"....only to get the classic "fine". I started asking "what did you learn today?"...and that totally opened it up. It's not everyday that I get an answer, but it definitely opens the door for better communication. Grace is a little more stubborn and says "nothing" everyday...then I have to say "well I better talk to your teacher because she's not doing a very good job"...then Grace giggles, and tells me what she learned. Such a drama queen...can never just do something without turning it in to a process.
Just this afternoon, by asking that question I learned that Jeremy had a french test that was easier than he thought, he thinks algebra is hard, his teacher's parents came to Canada via Pier 21, and regardless of what the gym teacher says, he disagrees with jumping with two feet when doing the long-jump. He wouldn't have told me half of that with a classic "how was school?".
One thing I've always prided myself in is my chatting skills with the kids. I also like to chat so it's a win-win. As I type, Jeremy is rambling on about World War 1 and gun licenses. With this week's challenge, its been a very chatty night. And before you judge and tell me that typing and listening at the same time is not active listening....I already actively listened for his entire conversation about war ships before supper...and I didn't yawn or roll my eyes once. So there!
Neither child shuts up...ever. EVER. I remember a time when we were actually worried about Grace not talking a lot. She hardly said a word. Yeah...those where the days. It's always something around here. Whether it's about a youtube video or something they saw on the news, or a random thing they did at school. My kiddies like to chat. So by default, I have to listen! Some nights I want to hide in the laundry room so I don't have to answer one more question...but most nights it's so entertaining that before you know it, it's an hour past their bedtime and we are still going on about the how's and why's of income tax (seriously...that was an hour long conversation in our house last week). *shoot me now*
Tomorrow I'm going to try to track every question/topic the kids bring up. It's always random, strange and very entertaining. Stay tuned...
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