Wino

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I am desperate to be a drinker.  I know that sounds weird, but all I want is to be one of those people that comes home from work and has a nice glass of wine after supper.

The problem...I hate the taste of wine.  Last summer I'm sure I spent well over $300.00 trying different types of wine. I'd buy a bottle, bring it home, pour a glass, hate the taste, add a few ice cubes to water it down, and then when that still didn't work, I'd add Sprite, drink about half of the glass, throw it out, and then empty the bottle. 

I don't even know why I'm so desperate to be a wine drinker?!  I guess I'd like to be a little more sophisticated, a little more mature maybe?  I'm ooze 'class' anyway, just want to top it up a notch. It just seems like that's what all the cool kids do, and well who doesn't want to be cool right?

The odd time I'll be out with friends, and actually enjoy a glass of wine, so I rush to the liquor store the next day to buy the same bottle and BLAH...disgusting.

I've tried local wine, French wine, Australian wine, Spanish, white, red, pink, and everything in  between.  Right now I'm drinking my wine (plus two ice cubes) that I bought in BC, and it's no better.  Guess the Okanagan Valley has shitty grapes too. 

Is it possible to make yourself like wine?  Should I cleanse my palate or something?  Gargle with salt water?  Light my tongue on fire? Get really drunk on Vodka first?

I even set the mood to make my wine drinking experience better. I dim the lights, put on some Cee-lo or Eagles, and remove distractions (kids). I've even tried to get in the bubble bath with my wine. Nothing works. 

I've been told to buy more expensive wine, that's the trick!  So off I go, and pick out a $30.00 bottle. Way higher than my $15.00 bottles....so this is obviously going to be better!! Nope.

I can't really figure out what exactly I don't like about the wine. First off, it makes my face instantly red and flush....which is why I stuck to vodka as a teenager or I would have been busted way more than I was.

I find it really tart.  Like sucking on a lemon.  Which is weird cause I don't buy lemon flavoured wines...gross, does that even exist?  I hope not. It's just not enjoyable, like say a White Russian, or Margarita.  But I feel that if I drank one of those every day after work I'd have a problem...you know, the 12 steps kind.  Somehow, a glass of wine a day seems more acceptable. 

I thought about switching to wine coolers, but I feel like I have to pull out the wife-beater tank tops, and that's not the vibe I'm trying to aim for.

I'm seriously about to give up.  Unless one of my peeps can find me a magical bottle that tastes like a large triple triple then it's over.

From now on, maybe I'll just pour my coffee into a wine glass? Then at least I'd get the effect I'm looking for...