Bedtime Noise

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Not by my doing, my daughter has turned into one of those people that "can't sleep unless the TV is on". (her words)

Of course, this is totally Todd's fault (seriously), as he is one of those people too. Drives me nuts, I like silence. I like to sleep in the dark, with no noise...like most normal human beings.   So we "compromise", and set the timer on the TV.  The big issue is that HE sets the timer for 45 minutes and then HE falls asleep within 7 minutes and I'm stuck listening to some stupid Spike show for 30 something minutes. Some nights I manage to convince him to set it for 30 minutes, and last night (only because I was sick) he even compromised on 15 minutes. 

I'm torn between having to listen to the show, or listen to him snore.  It's really a lose-lose for me.  I listen to loud noises from the tv or from him nose. Either way, it sucks.  I scramble for the remote but it's usually on the other side of the bed, or under Todd, or on the floor. If I turn the TV off then I have to spend the next 10 minutes plugging his nose, til he stops breathing and rolls overs.

Drives me insane!!!

Lots of weekends the kids end up having friends sleepover, some nights there are 6 or 8 kids in my house that aren't even mine. As with a typical sleepover, they tend to fall asleep with the TV on at 4am.  What? That's not a typical sleepover?! 

Then comes Sunday night and little missy is all sooky, life is going to end, we are the worst parents ever because she can't sleep in our room with the TV on.  There's no TV in the kids rooms for this specific reason. They've never had a tv/computer/electronics in their bedrooms. 

So Todd, yeah Todd...gives in and lets her sleep in our bed so she can fall asleep with the TV on.  She doesn't sleep WITH us all night, she gets moved when we go to bed cause oh man...that would be a whole other situation. She gets to sleep with us maybe twice a year and we all suffer because of it.

Drives me nuts that it happens, but by 9pm I am done fighting battles.  I don't get it, it makes no sense to me. Todd's excuse is he likes the background noise. I'm not sure how gun fire or auctioneers screaming 'SOLD' can be considered 'background'...but to each his own I guess.

But guess what!?  She's a crotchety bear in the mornings because she ends up staying up later than she should.  So new plan...thanks to a few phone calls from the teacher about her "attitude", we've decided that bedtime will be moved to a half hour earlier, with 30 minutes scheduled for TV time, then the timer with shut it down.   So far so good...until she's 30 and married, with kids, and still can't get a normal night sleep because of a habit she picked up from her father...

I really should put my foot down...but then what kind of mother would I be if I didn't set her up to learn some life lessons??

Six Kids and Counting...

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How do the Duggars do it??! 

I've had six children (two are mine) in my house since Friday afternoon and I am exhausted!!  14, 13, 12, 10, 9 and 9.  Oh...and 37, but he worked all day.

The dishwasher is now on it's fourth load.  The fridge is empty. No milk, no bread, no juice, no snack foods left.  All my blankets are out and either on the floor or made into a fort of some kind. 

I made Tacos last night for supper and literally used a cookie sheet for the cheese/lettuce/tomatos/peppers.  We went thru 24 tacos, and a package of fajitas. Then there was the evening snack which demolished a full loaf of bread.

They cleaned off two boxes of cereal and another loaf of bread for breakfast.  Lunch was three boxes of KD and a half a package of chicken fingers.  Supper was the rest of the chicken fingers and spaghetti.  In between all of this, two full sleeves of Saltine crackers are gone, four bags of popcorn have been popped, and a 2 litre bottle of Seven-Up disappeared.

This is only six kids.  Don't the Duggars have like 22 or something?  I can't imagine their grocery bill.  I hope they have their own cows and chickens....cause it's got to be expensive!

On top of the food, there is just no possible way to keep up with them.  In the house, out of the house, drive us here, pick us up there. My house smells like feet, there's crumbs everywhere, and no matter which room I go into....there's a friggin' child.

There was a wrestling episode which resulted in a wide range of injuries....a sore back, a bump to the head, a sore chest, a scratch on a neck....thankfully it wasn't all to one child!  No blood, only one crying outburst, and I'm pretty sure they got at least 8hrs of sleep. (All I know is I got 11 hrs! WOO HOOO!)

Is this what it's like everyday to have this many kids?!  My grandparents have five children, and I've heard the horror stories. 

I managed to clean up back to MY standards tonight...minus mopping the floor, because, let's face it...that would be a complete waste of time until at least two more kids leave.  They are settled down in the living room with me.  One is on his phone, one is watching a movie on another kid's phone and the other two are watching TV.   The lights are off, and there hasn't been a fight in about two hours.

Nobody make any sudden moves....

Girls with be Boys

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There once was a time that I bought cute, little, pink dresses for my daughter.  There once was a time where I brought home little baby dolls.  A few times I even got her cute little fancy shoes. 

Then I threw them all in the trash because she refused, with all her might, to wear them.

She was about 1 1/2 years old when I knew that she was never, EVER, going to be a little girl.  Trucks, dinosaurs, snakes, lizards....all made her day.  She loves her brother's hand-me-downs and from the time she started potty training she has worn boy undies.  She hates ponytails, rarely wears pink, and there's not a single dress/skirt/pantyhose in her entire wardrobe.

She is who she is, no doubt about it.  She's solid in her "self" and she hardly waivers from it.  Somedays...most days...it's like she wants to BE a boy.

Fine, tickety-boo, fan-diddly-dastic...that's what makes her "HER".  On the days she's not acting like a boy, she acts like a dog, or a cat, or a chicken.  Somedays it can be quite entertaining...she slept in her "nest" aka closet as a bird for about 6 months.

I'm all for being your true self...and if her true self is a dude well then I'm cool with that too.  Her family, friends, teachers, and even our neighbors know the deal.  She is who she is. She's all boy...well, except for the fact that she has a "husband" in PEI, and they've been "married" for four years.  Confusing...yep.

So what's the problem?  Well, little miss gets a little upset when lumped in with "the girls".  It's not that she doesn't like to play with girls, her very best friends are the girliest you could ever find.  It's a complete oxymoron. She only wants to play with girls when SHE wants to...not when forced.  Forget forcing it...that equals WW3.

It's a constant issue when there's a boys team and a girls team. Turns out her after-school program is doing a "Healthy Living" program once a week, and it's being split into two groups.  Yep...boys and girls.

KABOOM!

Alligator tears, pouty lips, hissy fit.  It's one thing to let her wear boy sneakers...but how does one explain that girls are girls, and boys are boys and never the two shall meet?  She just doesn't get why she can't go with the boys...and I suppose I don't really get it either.  It's not like it's a sex-ed class. I can understand that everyone is more comfortable in those situations if it's just boys/girls.

This is just healthy activities, and snacks.  No need to segregate! But rules are rules, and that's been a huge topic in our house lately so it's not even something I'm willing to entertain fighting for. 

Little does she know that in the next few years she'll likely explode into some fashion-crazy, boy-crazy, nail-painting teenager who will want to be with the boys...but for completely different reason....shoot me now.

Under-Bum

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My yoga studio has started offering more "Flow" classes.  No, not Aunt Flo, but a kick-your-ass cardio filled yoga class. At least for me anyway!! If I make it through the 75 minute class without dying I consider it a victory.  For the first five minutes I'm good, the next 25 I feel like I'm going to vomit, the next 15 I'm SURE I'm going to vomit....then I sort of teeter between absolute certainty that death is near or that I am at the very least going to faint. My arms shake, I want to cry (SHOCKER!), and my bum quivers like a baby without it's Mommy.

I usually avoid these types of classes as it's bad for my ego. Yeah sure, yoga's not about how good you are...but when you are down in child's pose for most of the class it's mentally defeating.  But, in my desire for less fat...I've been going to the flow classes on purpose. Yikes!

Sunday's class, with the glorious Estelle, was a killer!!  It was definitely a challenge, but I managed to stick it out without dying.  I felt good!! That's the best part of yoga is the euphoric feeling you get for the rest of the night. 

Until the next morning comes and you can hardly move.  Weird muscles hurt. Muscles I don't know are screaming at me.  "Yo, Wendy...this is your under-bum muscles....SUCKER!! How do you like me now?!"  It's not my gluts...but the muscles right where the thigh meets the bum...the under-bum muscles?!  I don't know...I'm not a doctor.

So there's my under-bum muscles, and the back-of-my-arm muscles, and what skinny-bitches call "abs".  All of them are killing me and then I have to climb two flights of stairs to get to my office and all those muscles are LOL'ing at me as I maneuver up the stairs like a stick man. 

Monday was a complete right off.  Tuesday we had "date-night".  Tonight I was feeling back to normal so I gave it another go.  I'm back in high-on-life state of mind and hoping tomorrow my under-bum cuts me some slack....or I may be working from my car. 

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Yoga Snob

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Turns out my husband, without hardly trying, is a complete yoga snob.  It started with me, foolishly, showing him pictures of some of my most favorite yoga teachers.  He took one look at a particular photo and said "Wow, that's super human".  I was trying to explain that while, yes, it was a fantastic picture there are lots of yogis who can do those types of moves. I, for examples, could easily do something similar....right?!

Wrong.

Rules #1 of trying to be a true yogi...no competition.  Right?  Everyone is different and can do different things, and most of the yogis I strive to be like have been practicing for years.  I go two or three times a week and I'm convinced I look just like that...until I look in the mirror.

But did I listen to rule #1....NOOOOOO.  I decided I was going to show Todd that it wasn't as far fetched as he thought, so there I am down on the ground, legs all twisted, trying to touch my foot to the back on my head.  Yeah, some of you will know what picture I'm talking about...and NO I did not look anything close to that. Then, my AHA moment....well I'm sure when she first started practicing she probably used a strap. So yeah, I'll use a strap and show him up right good...

So after my charlie horse went away, I decided that it was probably because I hadn't stretched, but I felt I proved my point that maybe it was achievable for me someday.

Forget about trying to look like the yoga teacher...ain't happening sister.

But, I have been practicing "Crow", and have been sorta rockin' it.  It's hard, but that's to some tips from my yoga sister E, I've been working on it, and actually achieving it.  "See what I can do!! See! SEE!!". So there, suck it Todd...can you do this?!? ............I sort of rock "Crow".....at least my version of rocking it, considering a few months ago I couldn't even lift a toe off the ground.   Yep, guess who else was like "whatever, that's not hard".  Oh yeah, smart mouth...give it a go then.  So, after him holding it pretty damn perfectly for 30 seconds he's like "what?, told you it wasn't that hard".  Jerk.

I'm not sure who's more competitive, it's a toss up, so of course I can't just let it go.  Can you go from plank to a hover without touching your body to the ground?  Of course he can.  And without even shaking, and sobbing like I do.  By this point, I've pulled a muscle in my leg, hurt my wrist, and am trying not to punch him out of complete rage. 

I've been trying my hardest for over a year and still can't get to a hover from plank without collapsing, and yoga snob pulls it off first try?!  He's a friggin couch potato!!!  How is that fair?  Everything was "easy".....RAGE!   Yoga breath, yoga breath, yoga breath....ok, I'm good.

I'm still convinced I could beat him flat out if he actually came to class and ran thru a full series of moves, in a sweaty mess of heat.

So....I double-dog-dare-you....bring it on yoga-snob!!!  I'll make you eat your words...

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Pfftt...

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A brief overview of my day...I have no energy to think so this is all ya get tonight.


1. Grace is snoring, she got her tonsil/adenoids out last year for the sole purpose of stopping the snoring...and now it's back. 
2. My face has broken out...perhaps from the half a cup of olive oil I had on my bread last night for supper?
3. Jer bought a conspiracy theory book.  It's a gazillion pages long.  Mommy-me is so super thrilled he LOVES to read.  Wendy-me is dreading that I will now have to listen to "Did you know...." for the next two weeks til he finishes it.
4. I chose Subway over Chinese food.  WTF is wrong with me?!?  Oh yeah...I'm fat and trying not to be :-(
5. The strike is not working these last few days...does ANYONE in this house see the piles of crap all over the counter?!
6. I miss my mom.
7. I really miss my grandparents....shhh, don't tell my mom.
8. Had bloodwork taken today...the blood person (what are they called?)  tortured my arm.  Don't they have to practice on oranges before humans?
9. The dog has a bladder the size of a rat.  Does a dog really need to pee 4 times from 3pm til now??
10. .......I can't even come up with ten.

Blah, tire, sore, blah. 

Oh....WAIT!!

11. I have my very first potential mommy that I'm meeting with for my potential doula services!!!  It's just a "find out more about Doulas" meeting, but practice makes perfect right! 

K, that's it.  My brain is shutting down in 3, 2, ...............

Bring Your Dog to Work

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According to research at Central Michigan University, the mere presence of a dog in the office can help people collaborate better, leading to a more productive workplace. (GO CMU!!!)

I sort of question the productivity, I know it brings mine wayyy down. It definitely creates a morale boost, plus helps bond you to your coworkers. How can you not be closer once they've seen you coo all over a puppy like it's a newborn baby. It's really hard to avoid ooh's and coo's when there's puppy in da' house! Though, I did manage to do some email clean-up with a doggie on my lap so I'll go with it upping productivity too I guess.

We've had shit-zus, and pitbulls, great danes and greyhounds, there's been labs and springers, and even a bunny once.

They are cute and fury, and no danger to our security, not like they are walking out of here with top secret information and selling it...ooops, sssshhhhh, I'm not allowed to talk about that!! Forget I mentioned anything...

They make us happier, they bring a smile to our faces, they make the boys melt...regardless of how 'tough' they pretend to be!   And what's hotter than a military man on his knees...(pervs!)....playing with a puppy doggie!!

Forget about bring your kids to work day...meh, that's really never a good idea. They whine, they sook, they complain, the wander around gabbing all day....and that's just your co-workers!  Nobody wants to deal with YOUR kid all day! 

Just stick with the puppies!!

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