Road Rage

I’ve been known, from time to time, to get a little frustrated at the drivers around me.  If they would just learn the rules then things would be a lot better.  I don’t mean how far away from a fire hydrant you should park, I mean the REAL rules…the ones that apply to our daily driving.  Feel free to pass these along…we all know someone who could use a refresher.

1. If you are being nice and letting me go…you have to LET ME KNOW!!!!  Otherwise, we both look like morons in the middle of the road. Are you letting me go? Are you texting and just not paying attention? Am I going to go and end up hitting you because you weren’t really “letting me go”?  Dude…just a little wave, that’s all I ask.
2. Four way stops, merge lanes, backed up traffic --- I GO, YOU GO.  Not that hard of a rule…figure it out. Everyone complains about traffic, yet there are jackasses out there who wouldn’t let you merge if you were the Pope. Letting a car (or two) in is not going to wreck your day.  If you don’t have this issue in your town, try coming to Halifax at 7am to watch 8 lanes of traffic merge into two on the bridges.
3. Signal lights should be used in advance of you changing lanes. Not flicked on as you are veering in front of me like Jeff Gordon. They are also supposed to be used EACH time you change lanes…not just the first time.
4. Pedestrians have the right away....AT CROSSWALKS (or perceived crosswalks)….if you jump out from between two parked cars and try to run across the road…you deserve to get hit. Just sayin’.
5. Pedestrians – Part two…if you are trying to cross the road (at crosswalk) and traffic stops to let you go…GO….don’t wave me by. Why the hell did you stand at the crosswalk if you didn’t want to WALK?! 
6. Halifax has a new bike rule. Bicyclers have a three foot invisible shield around them. Don’t enter their bubble!  Well guess what bikers….don’t enter mine either!! If you are four feet from the curb, I am NOT giving you another three feet. If you can’t bike this Lance Armstrong get back on your tricycle and hit the sidewalks instead.
7. Parking lots – if you are parked like a drunken troll and taking up two spaces you WILL get dents in your car.  And, frankly…you earned them. If you don’t know how to park BETWEEN those nice yellow lines…then park at the back of the lot.
8. If you are driving a Porsche, Ferrari, or any other car that costs more than my house I will allow you to park sideways in two spaces.  If you are driving your “fancy” Honda Civic with your “fancy” stereo and “fancy” paint job….get over yourself. Nobody thinks your car is cool, except maybe 14 year old girls who’ve seen every version of Fast and Furious. If it’s that precious to you…again, park in the back.
9. Highways….if you are in the fast lane…GO FAST!!!!! How is that not easy to understand?!?! 
10. If it’s snowing….slow down, and stay off my ass. But do not slow to a crawl, that’s how people get stuck! Do not slam on your brakes and then let go of the steering wheel while you close your eyes and scream.  This is real like not a video game…there are no “free lives”.

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. 

~Dudley Moore~