Its official…I am studying to become a certified labour doula!! YAY!!!
I received my package in the mail a few weeks ago, and I ordered all my reading requirements too. What a load of books!! I feel like I should be able to run my own little baby-delivering-factory after all this reading! PUSH! PUSH! PUSH! You can do it!! Yes you can!
I just have to complete the DVD series, and then….voila! I am ready to cheer you on and help guide you through the joys (and pains) of child birth. All I need is three births under my belt, and I also have to get certified in infant-CPR, attend a breastfeeding course, and read a mountain of books to become officially certified. But the main, important part is attending those births! Which I can start doing within a few months…so tell all your friends!! FREE LABOUR DOULA SERVICES!!!
I started reading one already, about Doulas and their roles in the labour process. Well…after reading a few chapters I’ve already decided what type of Doula I will likely NOT be….picture me saying the following:
“The birth canal opens like a soft angora sweater over the baby’s head”
Uh…no. I would have seriously punched somebody if they’d said that to me when my girly-parts were about to explode!! Besides, I’m allergic to angora, it makes me itchy…and what could possibly be worse than visualizing an itchy AND exploding vagina??
(P.S. To my prego friends….it doesn’t actually explode!!) :-0
Now, in all fairness, they are just explaining how using imagery can alter the way a mother perceives the pain. So ok, I understand that, but I could hardly read the sentence without giggling. I really couldn’t imagine actually saying it out loud. I’ll have to come up with an alternative…
”Your birth canal is like a tube of toothpaste…
Push from the bottom and the baby will work its’ way out”
Just brainstorming here…
“Your birth canal is like a frozen yogurt tube…
Soften it up and the baby will slide right out”
Hmmm...I may have to think that one through a little more....
"If a doula were a drug, it would be unethical not to use it."
— Dr. John H. Kennell
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