Just Call Me Dusty Westchester...

I don't usually remember my dreams but when I do it's usually because they are extremely steamy or terrifying.

I once had a dream about a plane crash in my front yard, with bloody and screaming bodies everywhere.  I could even smell the burning flesh in my dream. Gross, I know.

Last night I had an inappropriate dream about a celebrity.  No, not Brad Pitt. Not even George Clooney.  I would have loved for it to have been Bill Clinton…seriously; I have a thing for older men.  (Daddy issues, whatever).  Nope…none of those guys.  I had a dream about Ian Ziering from Beverly Hills 90210.  What!? Seriously???  Couldn't have been Luke Perry?? Ian-Friggin-Ziering?  Yuck.  So not my type. 

I have no clue why.  I haven't seen him on TV. I don't even know if he counts as a celebrity anymore?  D-List at best.

Curiosity killed the cat, so I googled sex dreams with celebrities. Here's what I found:

To dream that you are having sex with a celebrity indicates your drive to be successful. You are striving for recognition. Consider what movies you associate this celebrity with for clues as to where and what you want to achieve success in.

Ok…let’s go with that.  Let me see what movies he's been in and how this could possibly apply to me?

Tyrannosaurus Azteca - Two years before his famous encounter with Montezuma, Cortes is sent on a scouting mission to shores south of Mexico where he and his band of Conquistadores discover a small tribe of Aztecs who sacrifice their own people to satisfy the hunger of the "Thunder Lizard" living in the jungle.

The Christmas Hope - When lives intertwine during Christmas, hope is the only unifying gift. After suffering a personal tragedy, a social worker throws herself into finding homes for children in need.

Lava Storm - Lori and John Wilson, employees of an emergency response center, must find a way to survive the initial lava storms, to save John's father and their two teenage children. Even more importantly, they must find a way to slow the path of the lava storms, to give humankind the time to find a solution to this natural disaster, in order to save humanity and our Earth.

Stripped Down - With two fellow strippers, Lily spirals into a world of money, sex, and violence, ultimately awakening to a new 'stripped down' reality.

And, of course, Beverly Hills 90210 - Focuses on the pleasures and problems of a group of rich children who go to West Beverly High School.

I have contemplated this for a few minutes and have finally figured out what I am supposed to do with my life!!
I’m going to move to Mexico to save lost children from their lava-filled villages, while wearing my stripper heels and driving my Lamborghini.  My stage name will be Dusty Westchester.

Sounds about right…

Out and About

So I'm a few months into my thirties (14 months is a few) and I've realized something…I quite enjoy it!
Something's happened to me in the last few months, I've come outside my shell a bit and actually started going out with friends! WOOT!

Some of you would know that I'm a big-time introvert when it comes to social activities.  I'm all fun and games at work or at home, but put me in a social setting and I lose my bananas. Especially with people I don't know or with those I'm not truly comfortable with.  I much prefer the comfort of my own home. I am often quite content to just sit in silence and be with my thoughts (sometimes naughty, sometimes not). I always used the kids as my excuse.  Can't find a babysitter. It's too late. They have friends over. Yada-yada.  And as much as there was truth to that, I really just did not WANT to go anywhere.  I'm not a big drinker *though I have found my love for wine FINALLY*, so I never really liked late nights out. Plus who wants to be the sober one in a room full of drunks? I'm much more comfortable in jeans and flip flops than a dress. I really, really, REALLY, would prefer to stay home. I don't really like fashion so girly-talk frustrates me. I have two pairs of high heels and I hate them both.  I don't like to dress up or do my hair. I would rather spend that time and energy on reading a book or watching TV. I hate making plans in advance because I never really know what mood I will be in. And, ok…my anxiety also plays a part in not wanting to go out but that's a whole other story…and blog. 

But lately, I don't even know what's happening…I'm actually enjoying social nights out with friends. Maybe it's the friends or maybe it's me growing up…or maybe it's just cause I love a good excuse to eat food. I don't know, but I've been venturing out so much that I've almost forgotten about TV and the internet. I used to be obsessed with Perez Hilton and People and X17 but now I couldn't even tell you if Justin and Selena are still together or not.  I do know that Kimye is pregnant, but that's only cause it was a slow day at work. Did you know Jessica Simpson is pregnant too?! 

(My laptop is also broken, which is a big part but I'm so over it that I don't even really care if we replace it.  Unless you have a free laptop to give me, then yes, I definitely want one. Oh, and that's also the reason for the lack of blogs..an Iphone just doesn't cut it for typing…so if you want more blogs start a fundraiser to get me a computer!!)

I have a DVR that's usually full of shows for me to watch, and at one point I think I had like 40+ shows set up to record consistently. Now, between hanging out with my girlfriends, and spending more time watching shows that are actually interesting I don't even really watch much TV either. We are thinking about dropping cable and just using other means to download what we want to watch.  I really can go without CSI, Law & Order, and all those sitcoms that are predictable anyway. Maybe I'll even give up Glee too.  Nah…wait…OMG…I could never give up Glee.  Well, I could give it up as long as I googled what songs they sang so I could download those too?

We are also thinking about cutting the house phone, but that's more to keep bill collectors away.

I read somewhere that if you want more time in your life to just watch less TV.  I ended up doing that without even trying.  I'm not saying I'll be out everything night, I just plan on saying YES when I want to and NO when I don't…simple as that. 

Say hello to my facebook page: Pigeon Pose Emotions

Be Free

Remember being so self confident and sure of yourself when you were a teen? Remember feeling so great and like you fit in perfectly? Remember feeling beautiful and skinny? Yeah...neither do I.

Was there ever a time that young girls felt ok about themselves and their bodies? As long as I can remember "society" has told me that I was not ok as I was. A girl can never be too skinny or too pretty. We are all supposed to wear makeup and dress up in pretty outfits. The higher the heel the sexier you are.

Then there's the double standards...if you wear too much makeup then you look like a tramp. If your skirt is too short then you look like a whore. If you don't have many dates you are a loser. Too many and you are a slut.

Girls just can't win.

I've always been so happy that my daughter is not a girly-girl. She hates dresses, can't stand barbies, and I have to tackle her to the ground to get her to even brush her hair.
She wears what she wants and doesn't seem to care what anyone thinks of her clothes. She never matches, and most of the time she's covered in dirt anyway. I really thought I would not have to deal with the girl-drama.

Until the moment I heard her and two friends comparing their weight.

Broke. My. Heart.

It's bad enough that women have to go thru this crap but now my ten year old is embarrassed that she weighs more than her friends. My ten year old....totally normal weight. Right on track for her age and height. She's not "fat". She eats healthy foods. She plays outside all day and night. She is normal but feels far from it because of these stupid standards we project on girls.

I had a huge A-HA moment over the summer. I was always fighting with her about her hair. I wanted her to grow it long so she could put it in a ponytail. She kept begging me to let her cut it really short. As I look back on it now, I really didn't want to cut it for fear that she would look like a boy and people would treat her differently. I was terrified to deal with the comments and stares. I was...she wasn't. I realized that I was only enabling "society" saying it wasn't ok for her to do what she wanted to do. As much as I gave her freedom to pick her own style, I know I was subconsciously holding her back. Her body...her hair...her choice. So we buzzed it. Short!

Well, now I totally regret not doing it sooner. I freed her from being put in that bubble of being a "girl". And I freed myself of the daily fight to brush it!

Same thing with the clothes she wears. I would never force her to wear something "girly" but at the same time I would make her shop in the girl section of the stores. What was the point?! We would argue the entire time because she wanted the t-shirt from the boys rack and I would say NO. You are a girl....you MUST shop in the girl section.

Well no more! Little Miss has been happily shopping in the boy section for months now. And she couldn't be happier. Which makes me happy.

Little girl clothes are often form-fitting. Boys clothes are loose and comfortable. Girly underwear have lace and tiny elastic bands. Boy undies have a nice solid elastic band and they stay in place. Forget about trying to buy a decent training bra...they are all lacy and padded, so she won't wear one. Au-naturel for my girl for a few more years I guess! Can you say hippy?

I've spent way too long justifying why she is the way she is. She's a tomboy. She's going thru a stage. She's more comfortable that way. At the end of the day...she is who she and if people don't like that too effing bad!!!

She gets called "buddy" a lot and "hey little man"...some of my friends have even confused her for a boy. I don't even bat an eye any more and she's never been bothered by it. We don't correct strangers, she just smiles and carries on. The ones who love her most know that she's her own little self and don't judge her at all. I just hope that while she is struggling thru this vicious thing called being a teenager that she will be true to herself and not let the pressures of society get to her.

Guiding Light

Parenting…NOT an easy job.
Even the basics of keeping them alive and not bleeding can sometimes be a chore. As I type, my daughter still has a broken arm so I don't even score an "A" in that department. Plus there's feeding them…every…single…day…is there ever enough food? 

Then comes the responsibility guiding them thru life. 

Perhaps you shouldn't hang out with so-and-so…she's a ho-bag.
Drugs…never ok. 
Drinking…not til you are 27. 
Sex…STDs are everywhere, keep the pecker in the pants til you are married. Let Mommy show you a picture of vaginal warts...
Don't hit people…unless they hit you first.
Don't lie…Santa is watching you
Don't steal…Santa is still watching you.
Get good grades and go to college or get used to saying "Want fries with that?"
Brush your teeth or they will fall out.
No it is NOT ok to fart at the kitchen table.
The list is friggin' endless.

Children are born blind to the way the world works.  We guide them thru life and just hope they don't end up as ax-murderers.

I often go back and forth between "allowing" them to form their own opinions versus telling them "THIS" is right or "THIS" is wrong. My son has been coming home from school lately with a vast array of topics to discuss. *thank you health class*

The latest was him wondering what my views on abortion are. Am I pro life or pro choice? At what point do I consider the fetus to be a "baby"?  Now…I have definite opinions. But do I share those or do I let him form his own opinions based on what he reads/sees/hears?!  Do I necessarily want him to have my same views?  I don't know.  Who's to say mine are right or wrong?!  Who's to say any opinion is right or wrong?

I try to give him facts/data and then create an open and honest conversation.  Same goes for politics and religion…these are HUGE topics that are lifelong discussions, and not ones that I just want to say "The right answer is…"

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands." - Anne Frank

Starts with "P" and ends in "ORN".

I often wondered what it must be like to live in a world with no technology. I think of my grandparents, they lived without a tv, they lived without a toaster and they even survived without a cell phone. I would die without my DVR and couldn't imagine life without a remote control. Well, actually, there was a very brief point in my life when I have a turn-dial 13" TV. GASP!!

I enjoy the modern conveniences of today. So imagine my horror when my microwave died this week. Like dead, dead, dead, died, never coming back to life, gone forever. I panicked and my first reaction was to rush to Walmart to buy a new one. However, as I'm in my thirties now, I'm trying to be more fiscally responsible, I chose instead to chill out for the night so I didn't make a rash decision. By the next evening I realized that I hadn't even thought of getting a new microwave. Somehow I managed to go full day without needing it! My son made a random comment about trying to see how many days we could go without a microwave. I figured it was a pretty brilliant idea so let's go for it! Well we are on day nine and so far we have survived! With the exception of not being able to easily heating up my Tim Hortons coffee it's amazing how little you actually need a microwave.

I've almost forgotten about it, that is until tonight...when my stomach started begging for popcorn. Damn broken microwave. I would sell my DVR right now for a jiffy pop. Wait...I dunno if I want popcorn THAT badly. But still...sucky,crappy dead microwave is all I can think of. And I really, really, REALLY want popcorn.

All buttery and salty and delicious. I even contemplated melting some butter and pouring it over plain chips. Probably just my almost-time-of-the-month hormones talking but it sort of sounds like it might taste good?!

Like a good little daughter should, Grace must have sensed my rage building as she graciously volunteered to make KD. Hmmm...that works I suppose. I'm not going to argue.

I think I'm over this microwave challenge. Plus hubby pointed out that I'm likely using way more energy to use the stove for everything versus zapping it in the microwave instead.

It's unrealistic to live without a microwave. Frankly, it's unrealistic for me not to eat popcorn. Though, I give myself points since I somehow went nine days without even thinking about it!

BTW, for all you dirty pervs who only read this because of the title...shame on you!

High Expectations

What goes up...must come down.

For those who don't know, my daughter is in circus school.  Sort of like Cirque du Soleil type of stuff.  Silks, trapeze, trampoline, and all around circus fun. She loves it.  I love that she loves it.  Except I always worry a little that things could go wrong...well, dun-dun-dun...once again my anxieties were right.

Yep, broken arm!!

I never really thought I'd utter the words, "My daughter broke her arm falling off stilts".  Try explaining that to the nurse with a straight face. 

It happened towards the end of class. Hubby was there when it happened and sent a text telling me she hurt her arm and the instructor said we should take her right to the ER and, of course, I just assumed it was what they have to say to cover their butts. She came in the house, crying a bit, complaining that it hurt.  They had given her an ice pack so I took that off and sure it was swollen, and a little "S" shaped but it didn't look crazy.  I gave her a tylenol and tried to use my handy first aid skills to make a sling, but couldn't find anything to use so we settled on taping the ice pack to her arm with electrical tape. (Don't judge)

The whole dang family piled in the car for our fun trip to the ER.

We get to the ER and the triage nurse immediately whisks us to the back and says "Wait here for an x-ray".  Well, hot damn...this is going to be a breeze!!  I figure an hour, max, and we are outta here! 

Uh, yeah, not so much.  An hour passed without seeing anyone.  A nurse comes over, takes a look and says it doesn't seem too bad, she's sure she's fine, and a doctor will be by soon.  I ask for a cup so I can grab Grace some water. She tells me to give her a second and she'll grab one.  I wait...and wait some more. Another hour goes by, and I ask again.  By this point I'm cranky, Grace is cranky, Todd and Jeremy are still in the waiting area wondering whats going on.  Grace is in and out of sleep...turns out Tylenol still works wonders for knocking her out. And I still never got the cup...

We are in hour 3-4 and I'm worked up!  Why the eff did they bring us back here if we weren't going to see anyone?  I would rather sit out with my family then linger in a hallway.  Grace was shivering so I grabbed her some johnny shirts to use as blankets.  I would have given her my jacket had I planned better and had a shirt on underneath it (oops).

Meanwhile, across the hall, there's a 72 year old, smoker, with chest congestion (NOT pain).  They have him hooked up to a mask (asthma, not oxygen).   He's carrying on and flirting with the nurses.  When they leave he calls up friends on his cell phone and chit chats until the nurse returns to check on him.  He's laughing, he's wandering the halls between masks, he's got all kinds of energy to annoy me.  He's fine. 

Hour 4 comes, and the x-ray man comes down the hallway.  Yippeeee! It's finally time.  Oh wait...where's he going?? Why is he going in the old man's room first???? WHAT?!?!?!? MELTDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!

I am very much a well-mannered person at the hospital. I will wait my turn with patience and understanding that the health system is overwhelmed (to all those who rush to the ER for the flu or sniffles...F.U.).  I am calm, and quiet, and I take it as it comes.  But that night, of all nights...I was overwhelmed with life, stressed about work, tired, hungry, annoyed....so I, shall we say, lost my poop.

I calmly asked the nurse if she could come speak to me when she was done with old man.  She came over, and I proceeded to bawl my face off like a hormonal psycho.  Between apologies, I explained my point of view and cried some more.  Within a minute, not only did I have the attention of one nurse....but now I had three!! Lovely.  In the middle of the hallway, with all the crack heads and mental patients, I am SOBBING like a lunatic, surrounded by nurses trying to calm me down.  Thankfully, Grace was still passed out from her tylenol.  I literally could not make myself stop.  They promised me that we were next to see the doctor. 

I did not have high expectations that they were telling the truth.  Just calm the crazy lady down!  Tell her whatever she needs to hear to shut her up!  Turns out, we were next in line. LOL.  If I could have controlled myself for another five minutes I would have saved myself a lot of embarrassment!  Though...maybe my meltdown sped up the process?? 

Within 30 minutes, we saw the doctor, got the x-ray, confirmed the arm was broken (in two places!), and she had the cast on. Almost five hours of waiting...

Not bad for free health care I suppose.  (Count my blessings, count my blessings, count my blessings)

Needless to say, we now have to deal with a cast for 6-8 weeks.  Circus has been cancelled until the next term (she will go back, despite MY anxiety). 

And there may be a few extra quiet nights until the pain stops or she becomes resistant to pain pills....

School Rules

My Facebook Page

Day two of school, and I've already received my first "teacher call".

I will clarify right now...I know my kids are a pain in the ass.  I know they talk too much. I know they ask too many questions. And, shocker, I know they are sarcastic.  Would it be wrong to attach a note to their kitbags saying "Yeah, yeah, I know. No need to call me."? 

This time it's the boy. Here's a rundown on the basics of what he did, according to the teacher:

• Talked too much during class (though all on topic and valid). 
• Mostly raised his hand (but sometimes didn't).
• Was patient when he had to wait his turn (but got frustrated when he forgot what he wanted to ask).
• Was sarcastic (but SHE likes to have fun too, so she'll have to lay down some rules)

Am I raising a beast?  I don't think so.  So why the EFF do his teachers feel the need to call me ALL THE TIME?!  Last year it was at least weekly.  And the main topic...he talks too much, asks too many questions, blurts out answers.  Ok?!  What am I supposed to do about it? Seriously...someone please tell me. Seriously.  I don't know. I ask the teachers, I beg and plead with the boy, but how am I supposed to punish a child for ASKING QUESTIONS?  I've even tried explaining that he is putting other children at risk for having a hard time, especially kids who have learning disabilities and may need that chance to answer a question or need that quiet time. His answer...nobody fails anymore anyway and he's not the ONLY one talking.  My answer...ah, snap.  Kid's got a point.  A messed up point, but still...one of his closest friends had mostly "C" (lowest grade possible here), had mostly "Rarely", had MAJOR resource support and notes in his report card about meeting "some" of the requirements.  Guess what...he passed.
My child ISN'T the only child talking (confirmed by his classmates/friends) yet the teachers seem to act like its HIM that's wrecking the class. He blames the teacher for not being consistent with the rules, the teacher blames him for not knowing the rules.  Some teachers give three chances, some give none. He pushes his boundaries and then they act like he's a mass-murderer.  No violence, no learning issues, great grades, projects get done, an overall great student, who's teachers often tell me is "far above his grade level". 

Today's faux-pas....the teacher was explaining that there were no horses in America until after Columbus landed.  To which the boy blurts out "WHAT?!?  There were buffalo but NO horses?!?  That doesn't seem right".

That's it.  That's what warranted a phone call home.

She said he seems to know too broad of topics (huh?), and even admitted that after he questioned it she got confused and second-guessed herself because she was only repeating a story that was told to her and she didn't know for sure.  (Double huh?!)  Then....omg....here come the mommy-claws.....

She asked if he had friends.  W.T.F.

Uh, what?!?  If the steady stream of children in and out of my house is any indication, then, yes my child has friends. 

"Well, I would hate for him to not make any friends this year because of the way he blurts out things in class"

Thank you lady.  He'll be fine.

Now, I'm thinking maybe she was trying to find a pattern? Maybe suggest ADD/ADHD or something.  I don't know...but either way, it's frustrating.  What am I supposed to do to fix my chatty child?  It's in his genes.  The same comments were made on my report cards (but never led to detentions like him), story of my life.  My Grandfather often abruptly ends our conversations by saying that I've just talked too much for one day, and my mother always says its like I don't breath when we're on the phone together.

My mommy opinion is that he isn't challenged enough with "regular" curriculum. Trust me, if I could afford private school he would be there yesterday.  (Donations for the "Send the Boy to private school" gladly accepted)

Every year it's the same thing. I explain to the teachers that I am also frustrated.  That I have talked to him, that he also drives me looney with a multitude of questions.  That I should own shares in Google because I use it so much because of him.  I get it, I get it, I get it.  He came out of my vagina asking questions about the birth canal...I get it.

I try my hardest to engage him at home. Books are endless. Documentaries are always a hit.  We talk, we watch the news, we play Jeopardy, we argue over politics and world issues.  I try my very best. 

So when is it the school's turn? 

Yes, I know...teacher's are not responsible for anything more than teaching the curriculum. I would probably break down in tears if one of them actually offered a valid suggestion. This teacher has decided his "punishment" will be actually researching whether or not there were horses pre-Columbus, when they showed up, and to explain it to the class on Monday.  This is a direct result of her not knowing the answer, no I question if she would have come up with this idea if the question hadn't tripped her up.  But, Hallelujah.....I will take it.  He needs a challenge and hopefully she will be the FIRST to step up and give him one.

I'm ready to punch the entire school system in the collective throat...

I have much respect for those who chose to become teachers.  I know it can't be easy.  I understand the challenges. But....BIG BUT....you CHOOSE this career.  People don't just fall into a teaching job. Four + years of university is because this is what you want. I've never had a teacher suggest anything more than "deal with him", or "make him stop".  You must have some sort of inner desire to help guide these children thru life. I know those teachers are out there. So, why do I just feel like his teachers are just trying to sell him down the river?