What a Pain in The Neck!

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I feel like I got hit by a car...oh, wait. I did!!

It's amazing how sore you can be from a little fender-bender.  We were out for lunch and my friend was dropping me back at work. We were stopped, waiting to turn left, when BAM...rear-ended. 

Instant pain in the neck, but at the time it didn't seem like much.  I went into work, and was definitely stiff but I've had worse pain so I popped some Tylenol and tried to carry on.  I knew I'd need to go see a doctor so I called to make an appointment.  My doctor was booked, and their walk in clinic was closed.  There's no way I'm sitting at the ER for hours, plus Emergency rooms are for EMERGENCIES!! (That will be another post of mine soon enough).  My neck was really stiff and I didn't want to drive. I knew I'd be just as much a danger as the teenager who hit us.  So I waited for Todd to pick me up. By the time he got me, I was even more stiff and now there were pains all down the sides of my spine.  So now I'm fighting back tears as he drives me to another clinic.  We get to the walk-in clinic and I'm told they are too full to take me. Or, lets just be honest, it was too close to the end of the day and the doctors wanted to go home.
I contemplate going home, but I'm so friggin sore and all I want are drugs to knock me out.  The receptionist tells me I can always try the ER.  Well shoot...that's totally not what I want, but I have had decent wait-times at the one in Dartmouth, so screw it...Todd drives me there.

I go in, get accessed, and the nurse says I really shouldn't have that long of a wait.  Ahhh, perfect.  I go sit down to wait, with visions of a drug-induced sleep coming my way.  There's about 10 people waiting ahead of me. I'm secretly scanning the crowd and measuring their visible pain against mine. Nobody is bleeding (bonus!), nobody looks gray (double bonus!), and most of them are young-ish (score!!). So I figure I'll be pretty quick. It always goes ambulance (none), old people (only two), kids (none), bleeders (none)...and on and on, so I guestimate I'll be no more than third or fourth.

Shit...ambulance.  Ah, double shit...they are on top of the guy on the gurney. That can't be good.  Holy crap, dude with an eye injury.  Frig.  Guy with a gaping, bleeding wound on his land. Seriously?!  Well there goes my short wait.  OMG, another ambulance....I'm seriously screwed.  By this point, it's about two hours in and the waiting room is now totally full.  I will save my health care rant for another day but lets just say not a single person looked sick, acted sick or was bleeding or dying.  Now, I know, I know...I technically wasn't either, but I can at least say that I tried the clinic route first, and at that point if I knew any drug dealers I would have tried that too!!  But, unfortunately, none of my friends deal prescription drugs.  (booo!!) And if I would have shown up to a full house I would have left right then and there and just went home and cried myself to sleep.  But by now, it's 3-4hrs in and I'm not about to give up.

Five hours later I finally get brought back to the beds.  Ahhh, relief, I get to lay down.  Bahhh...NOOOOO....it hurts to lay down. Well this sucks.  I flopped around on the bed like a walrus and I finally get comfy enough. No pillow, flat on my back, and I sort of feel like I'm laying in Savasana so I go with the flow and start my deep breathing!! YAH!! Yoga is can be done anywhere.

Somehow, in our complete boredom, Todd and I start talking about what type of drugs they will give me.  I'm praying for something super strong that will make me see unicorns and fairies.  I'm also praying that I won't have to fight for it.  With my luck, I'm fully expecting the doctor to offer me up some super strong Tylenol, maybe if I'm really lucky it will be Tylenol 3's.  That is my luck.   I will sit here for 5 hours and they will give me Tylenol.  I will completely have a psychotic meltdown, and be beggging like a addict if he doesn't give me something good.  I've felt worse pain before but at the time I couldn't imagine having to go home with anything less than morphine!!

This, of course, leads to a fight about how addictive prescription pills are. Todd is convinced it's a one-pill-instant-addiction and I'm saying no.  It's not like I'm going to snort the pills, I just want a good sleep!  Neither one of us like to back down from a good debate so we spend 15 mins in our quiet hospital voices fighting about it.  If someone has ever been hooked, or knows of someone who's been hooked off of ONE pill please let me know so we can end this once and for all.

We agree to disagree and I begin to pray (out loud) that it not be a hot, young doctor who comes in.  Bad idea...thus begins fight number two in our quiet hospital voices. Whether it's better to have the hot doctor or the old man doctor.   I feel that any doctor who is also hot is only becoming a doctor to be the hot-doctor.  They don't care about me or my pain, they just want me to go home and have a dirty Dr. McDreamy dream about them.  I prefer the old man doctors who have seen everything and aren't going to be checking out my bits and pieces with anything more than a scientific curiosity. Todd thinks its super awesome to have hot (female) doctors over old lady doctors. Go figure...

So guess who walks in....super hot, super young doctor.  Great.  I'm soooo glad I'm laying here in a johnny shirt with no bra on.  Immediately he looks at my boobs....ok so it was more like my waist, but with no bra on that's where they hang out sometimes.  I am immediately self conscious and find myself trying to squeeze my arms together to make instant cleavage.  I'm sure I looked like I was already on medication. Then he makes me sit up....great, boobies are sitting on my lap now.  Sooo glad it's the hot one. 

He rules out anything serious, and I'm officially diagnosed with whiplash.  Yippee for me!!  He prescribes me pills (yah!!) and then tells me to brace myself for some pain over the next few days (booo!!).  

I finally get out, a total of 6 hours in the hospital.  I get to take some pain pills (finally!), and eat (FINALLY!).  I wait and wait for the unicorns and fairies...and nada.  Well these aren't working at all.  I still feel sore, and I'm not even tired.   I drag my ass up to bed and wake up 11 hours later in the exact same position that I fell asleep in.  Hmmm, maybe they worked a little!! LOL

I take another pill after I eat breakfast. Nothing.  Still feel pain, wide awake, and where the hell are the unicorns?!  I'm talking to Jen on the phone, bitching about my previous day and she starts to laugh.  Turns out I was slurring my words like a drunken sailor.  I did not have a clue, everything seemed normal.

It's been two days, I'm still on the pills, I'm still sore, I'm still not in contact with the unicorns, but I have been sleeping alot so maybe they'll come in my dreams....

I've also been forgetful, and dopey, and my texting has been a disgrace.  This whole pain in the neck has been a royal pain in the ass.