I Wish My Mom Was Like That...

For those of you who know my daughter, you know that she has quite the personality.  For those who don't, she's very sarcastic, funny, and has developed her own "self" very nicely.  This often gets her trouble as those who aren't familiar with this type of attitude typically take it the wrong way. Plus she walks the fine line of right place/wrong place for displaying this type of humor.

I've had numerous conversations with her and have tried to explain (over and over again) that most people don't get her sense of humor, and that she comes across as having a bad attitude.  Either you get it and like it, or you don't.  So, there are a few teachers at the daycare that laugh at her, and others who run to me every single time she does or says something even remotely off the mark.

There's one teacher in particular that feels the need to report to me on every wrong move that she makes.  I totally get that you are not the disciplinarian but at the same time, what ever happened to saying "Please stop".  If you are going to let her act up all afternoon and not do anything about it then how is she ever going to get that she has to listen to you. I don't see the point of grounding her or yelling at her for one comment she made 7 hours ago.  Plus every child has off days, and I don't feel like hers are any more or less than any other child.  It's maybe once every few months that she's seriously spoken to by the leader of the daycare.  Other than that it's just "Oh she was great today", or "She seemed a little tired"....Nothing to be rushing to the therapist about.  Even on the "bad" days its usually that she was playing with some boys and they all got out of hand. It's never just her, it's never just them, it's a bad combo of the group dynamic.  They shouldn't play together, but what does the daycare let them do?!  Ah, yes....let's them play together!

So yesterday I go get her, and I'm told that she has a not so good day. Apparently she was acting up, again with previously mentioned boys, and when one of the teachers said they should stop as they wouldn't want to upset their mothers, one boy says "Mine doesn't care about stuff like this"....to which my lovely parrot daughter says "Yeah, mine neither".  BAH!!!  Guess again child....

I walk around the corner to find all four kids, probably plotting their next moves.  I say "I hear you had a bad day", she says "uh huh", I say "Any particular reason why all four of you feel the need to act this way??", the boys look down and she says "No, not really".  So I say, "No Family Bingo for you tonight" (At the school).  She starts to cry, and walks out of the building to the car.  I hear one of the boys say "I wish my mom was like that"......HUH!?!?  Like what?! Friggin little boys with attitudes...I can't wait to hear what sarcastic response he has....

As expected, another boy says "What do you mean?".  Well....the boy says "My mother would have just screamed at me all the way home instead of just talking to me".  *BREAKING HEART*

Now it all comes rushing back to me...A few weeks ago, there was a mom who practically threw a kid in the car, squealed out of the parking lot, and was screaming at the top of her lungs the whole time.  I went right in, and reported to the manager what had just happened and told her I was concerned for the child.  As far as I'm concerned, if you're willing to do that in public...you're willing to do worse when nobody is looking. Not only was she a danger to her child by driving erratically but she was also endangering any one else she came in contact with.  The manager said she was aware of the situation, and that the boy had just gotten in trouble. She didn't feel the mother was "that type", but she would make sure to check on the boy the next day.  Turned out everything was fine, by fine I mean no broken bones or (visible) bruises. 

Now, lord knows I've been known to scream once or twice...or twenty times.  But really? Raging like that because he misbehaved...seems like there are bigger problems in that household?

I feel so bad for kids in those situations.  I don't ever recall being SCREAMED at as a child.  Teenager, yes...but wow, I deserved all of that!!  I try to reserve my screaming for dangerous situations, or situations that could turn dangerous.  Like she tells me she's going to a friend's house and I find her at the park...I will yell at her and give her a stranger-danger lecture.  It seems that sometimes you need a good scream to really get through to them.   But because he had a bad day...no.

I know, in our house, most of the time it's my fault she's cranky anyway.  Maybe I let her stay up late to finish a movie, or she was too rushed in the morning. I know her buttons, and when pushed she can be wild!  Some days it doesn't take much, and yes she should be accountable, but I really don't see how screaming at her will make things better. Usually, the louder the conversation the more she kids, the angrier I get, the louder she cries. It's an emotional roller coaster and I don't want to ride it so it's one simple "Go to your room until you calm down"...and we take it from there.  That option works so well for us. It's very open-ended and she gets to decide when she's feeling better.  If I say go to your room for 10 minutes, well maybe after 10 minutes she's still a total biatch and we are no further ahead.  Making it her choice can sometimes result in a five minute breather and she comes downstairs ready to help with supper. Other times it may be that she just gets distracted reading a book and I don't see her for an hour. 

Then there's the times that she falls asleep and it's four hours later and I forget where my kid is and have a mini-panic attack and then realize she's still upstairs...