It's time for "The Talk"

Turns out there has been some internet porn surfing going on in my house.  Let's just say it's not me (I have a very vivid imagination), it's not Todd (he has an iPhone), it's not Grace (unless she really really loves "Naked Girls Boobs", in which case there's another talk about to happen in this household!)...........so that leaves one nameless "child". 

Previously mentioned "child" must have been overwhelmed with the amount of girls at the campground this year because he left as a "girls are a waste of my time" type of boy and returned as a "bow chicka wow wow" type of pre-teen.  He's hanging out with girls, meeting girls at the park, talking to them on FB.  He's turned into a real ladies man.  EXCEPT for the fact that he's twelve, and has no clue how to talk to a lady. (I blame Todd for this, of course) So needless to say, his FB chats with girls are mostly "Hi" and "Heys" and "IDK's" (HA! Mommy's not dumb....I Don't Knows!!)

I so vividly remember being eight years old and finding my mother's boyfriend's stash of porn. Now, I'm not talking about a few magazines.  He had a trunk full of them, hundreds! I was shocked, and amazed, and scared, and confused...all at the same time.  It seems like months of secret rendezvous with the magazines.  As I think back now, I turned out fine, I have no weird sexual fantasies or fetishes (much to Todd's displeasure!). 

So why am I so concerned?  Well...obviously times have changed.  Porn isn't exactly porn anymore.  There's fetish porn, animal porn, child porn, gang-bang porn, there's two-girls-one-cup (if you don't know what this is, please save yourself the gag-time and DONT google it) and even blooper reels of porn gone bad.  Don't ask, you don't want to know why I know what I know...Yes all of this existed for decades before now, but it wasn't easily accessible. Not a click of a button away.

Back in my secret-porn days it was very basic.  At the very most, there was maybe girl-on-girl (oh so taboo!!).  All the ladies had "carpet", lots and lots of "carpet".  No hardwood floors anywhere.  There were no "accessories" in these magazines. The articles were reasonable, and oh yeah I read them all!

I just worry that he will grow up with a distorted idea of what sex is.  Sex isn't the type of sex you see online.  There are no random girls that will have sex with you on the side of the road when her car breaks down, or give you "pleasure" on top of the photocopier at work.  Well, ok, sure there are girls that would do it, but those aren't the type of ladies this Mama wants him bringing home! Most of the stuff online is gross, like there's no way, even at my drunkest, are we trying that!!

Stephanie posted a cute poem on her FB page the other day about how girls should be treated and it really hit the mark:

The million dollar question........how do you begin to teach that?  By the age of twelve, I sure hope he's picked up on at least some of the stuff I've tried to push on him.  But at the same time he's so "life should be fair", and us ladies spend all our time trying to be "equals" that when I talked to him about being nice and opening a door for a lady his response was "why should she open it for me?".  Well that's sort of true I guess.  Long gone are the days where gentleman are gentleman....or at least in my house anyway.  I'm not sure Todd's ever really opened a door for me, and he's definitely not one to give up his jacket on a cold night.  So I had to turn it around and explain that it's just nice to open the door for EVERYONE.   I just want him to grow up to be nice.  Not a douchy pervert, or one of those guys who treats you like you aren't worth their time. 

I want his future girlfriends to feel special, and I want him to want to make his girlfriends feel special!  I had my first official "date" when I was about 12.  He picked me up at Burger King (my mom worked there at the time so I was always there!), he brought me a single red rose, and we walked together (holding hands) to the movie theatre! He was a perfect gentleman and didn't even try the "arm over the shoulder/accidental boob grab".  A nice kiss to seal the night off and I was dropped back off at Burger King!  Even as I type this, 20-some years later, I'm still a little giddy about it.  And that is the exact feeling I want my boy to be giving girls.  Plus, we all know that when girls feel special it's usually returned and then the boy feels special.  Girls talk too (really?!), and having the reputation for being an awesome boyfriend works well for the boy in the end...