The weather has been brutally hot, and I can't stand the heat. Weird, I know, since I have a love for hot yoga. But it's different...sweating in a dark room versus being stuck to your furniture. Gross. Blah.
So, I come home, strip down to my bra and undies, and hang out like a flat fish til it cools down enough. BTW, I'm still childless, so it's not like I'm terrifying anyone...other than the dog.
Like clockwork, it's 9pm and the dog needs to be walked. I throw my pants back on, and grab my shirt...but I can't find my tank top that goes under it. Probably upstairs or something. My shirt definitely requires a tank-top, like way too much boob, even for a bar. Anyway, I'm waaayyy too lazy to walk all the way up the stairs, so I figure, "screw it, it's almost dark outside, NOBODY will see me". (Get where this is going?!)
I grab the leash, grab the dog, and we head out....down the driveway, about to turn on to the road...when my neighbor's dog come charging at us at max speed (she's a very fat, very unhealthy rottweiler, so not that fast!). She's always trying to "play" with Junior, but Junior is such a spazz that we don't let him near her. She's been known to bite/snap and he's as timid as a mouse. She's cranky and old, he's mentally damaged....not a good fit.
So I'm standing there, frozen...hoping the dog will just give up so Junior and I can make a get-a-way. No such luck. She's barking her face off, and keeps lunging (playfully?!) towards Junior. He's leashed, she's not. If I keep walking she's just going to follow and I'm going to end up caught in the leash. So I panic, and do nothing.
Meanwhile, the owners are alerted to the barking. Out comes the mom, running towards me. Then comes the nine year old girl, and then the thirteen year old girl, and then the dad. Yeah! One big happy family, and me...with my bra and boobs hanging out.
Just to add to the chaos, crazy-neighbour decides to come outside to see what's happening. So we're all standing there, talking about the dogs....all the while "ignoring" my boobs. I adjust as best as I can without drawing too much (more) attention to them.
I finally get away from them, and figure the damage is done now, what more could happen? Might as well keep on walking. Yep...here comes a car. OMG, please be a stranger. Nope...my other neighbour. Oh hi neighbour...yep, just me and my boobs out to walk the dog. More headlights (no pun intended)....oh hi old man from down the street. Yep...you might as well take a lookey-loo too. Have a nice night! Seriously.
So on my short trip to walk the dog, I managed to show seven different people my ta-tas. Not too shabby. Except for the two minors...I might get in trouble for that?! :-0
I'm too modest to post a picture of my outfit, so I found one on the internet that looks exactly like me...
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