Well, I swear if I cry in front of Estelle one more time she's going to officially think I'm crazy! God knows I've had my fair share of sob fests during yoga time, but tonight I won the trophy. The one-more-blink-and-I'm-done type of internal sobbing that only she seems to bring out in me. Ya'll know I loves me some Estelle! And today was one of those days where I just needed to let it go...so cue the music and a mat on the floor, here come the tears.
I got the sad news this morning that a family friend had passed away after a long battle with cancer. Now, to clarify, he and I weren't very close at all, more like Christmas-time-close, and the occasional summer BBQ. He is like that super fun uncle you wait all year to see at the next Christmas party! So much fun and full of spirit! But his family and my family are entwined together like vines. His parents and my grandparents have been best friends for decades, I spent plenty of evenings as a child watching the four of them play cards. My mom and his sister are such besties that I was actually named after her. His other sister had a huge hand in my upbringing as my daycare worker. Not a party goes by without being told a story about my childhood from someone! We've all spent holidays together, attended each others weddings, and even Gracie's "husband" is a member of this family (talk about keeping these families together for generations!)
So as much as I am sad that he is gone, I am just as much sad for the pain that his family is going through. He has an awesome wife, and two children who will never hear his voice again. I am sad for his parents who are like a second set of grandparents for me. I am sad for my grandparents who are watching their very best friends deal with the loss of a child. I'm sad that his sisters and brother have to attend a funeral for their brother who was only 49 years old. I'm just sad.
At the same time, this makes me realize that these friends and "extended family" probably don't really know how much they mean to me. For as long as I can remember they have been in my life....literally, since before my birth our families have been together. Going home to PEI is never complete without a visit. I consider them to be family. And when you lose a family member...well, it's overwhelming. I cry for my loss, but mostly for theirs.
The anxiety in me wells up about death, and especially about the day when I will eventually lose my grandparents, and then my mother, and then it will be my turn. I pray to God I never have to suffer the loss of a child. Death surrounds us all the time, but I've actually been quite fortunate to not lose many people in my life. I can name on one hand the people I've lost that meant the world to me. I consider that to be a blessing considering so many people I know have suffered through the grieving process more than anyone should ever have to.
I count my blessings everyday to have my friends and family in my life. But it's not often you actually get to tell people what they mean to you. And then before you know it, it's too late...
So to all my friends and family in my heart and soul, I pray the day never comes that we have to say goodbye, though inevitably it will. Just know that you all mean more to me than I could ever describe. Whether it's making me laugh, making me cry, or just being there to chat with, not a day goes by without a memory being made deep in my heart that I will never let go. From the simplest conversation to a good cry fest, I love each and every minute with you. Whether it's one a day, week, or year, any time spent with you is absolutely dear.
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