Two words...SHARK WEEK!
Yikes!
I am fascinated and terrified all at the time. I record as maybe shows as possible and then freak myself out by watching all the gory shark attacks and forever vow to stay out of the water! Yeah, I know shark attacks are rare, like super rare, but my odds are the utmost of rare if I never step foot in the ocean! I have a zero percent chance of getting eaten by a shark, and that is my type of math!
Every once in a while I will venture in up to my knees, maybe even my waist...but it MUST be clear water, and I really don't enjoy a single second of it. I'm paranoid, and even the sight of a large crab sends me running for shore.
Ramble on all you want about there being no scary sharks near us because I don't believe you. (Proof...See!! Shark. Nova Scotia. Enough Said.)
So for all you haters' who always make fun of me for my "crazy" fear...I offer you some facts:
1. A shark can dislocated it`s jaw to take a bigger bite. I.e. Sharks do not discriminate against fat people.
2. Most shark attacks happen in less than six feet of water. SIX FEET!
3. Most shark attacks occur less than 100ft from shore.
4. So long as a shark`s back is mostly under water it can swim easily. A nine-foot bull shark can swim in just two feet of water. TWO FEET people!! TWO FEET!
5. Nearly 90% of shark attacks happen to men...so watch your dangly bits and pieces!
6. The first pup to hatch inside the sand tiger shark mother devours its brothers and sisters until there are only two pups left, one on each side of the womb. Nice...so they eat each other and people are shocked when they eat people!
It's not that I hate the sharks. They are quite beautiful. I'm just going to leave them be, they stay in their world and I stay on mine. There's no need to hunt them. There's no need to kill them. Need I say more than "Shark Fin Soup"?
Thank goodness Shark Week is over and I can move on with my life. Next up...When Snakes Attack.
I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine.
If I am to change this image, I must first change myself.
Fish are friends, not food.
~ Bruce, Finding Nemo
No comments:
Post a Comment