Week 2 - I am Who I am

When I started this blog, over a year ago, it wasn't hard for me to pick a name for it.  Pigeon Pose is the one pose that I struggle with, and adore all at the same time. The stretch feels amazing, yet hurts a little at the same time?! It's like the S&M of yoga for me...minus the whips and chains.

I have literally cried in this pose, and I know it has something to do with the tension and stress in your hips, but each and every time I burst out in tears I still get weirded out by it.  It's an emotional pose...an emotional pigeon pose...which gives me Pigeon Pose Emotions. 

I often hear yoga teachers talking about how the poses are a progression, things happen in steps, your body will eventually allow the pose. Yada-yada-yada....that doesn't make me feel better when I still can't get my hips low to the ground in the pose...especially after a year and half of going to class.  My balance still sucks at the best of times, I still can't do a full Chaturanga without collapsing, and just forget about standing splits.  I watch all the skinny-bitches do them "perfectly"...if that's possible...and I get so frustrated.  I will never be able to it right.

UNTIL TODAY BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah!! Not only did I do further in Pigeon than ever before...I ROCKED IT!
Like..."Holy crap, my legs, BOTH OF THEM, are flat on the ground!!!"
Never happened to me before EVER! I was practically doing the splits. WWHAHH!!!!!

I've spent over a year wondering when I will ever, if ever, get a pose nailed like they show on google.  Any pose!  Ok, well, besides Savasana...but that's flat on your back...I think it's hard to screw that one up.  Except for when I fall asleep, I'm pretty sure I break "the yoga rules" when I fall asleep.

I was so friggin happy that I was actually smiling in the pose...just like Estelle is always begging us to do!! Most times I fake the smile, come on...it's hard to smile when your thighs are burning, or your arms feel like they are about to fall off, but today I could stop myself from smiling in Pigeon if I tried!  There I was laying in a pool of sweat, trying to calm my heart rate down and grinning like a cracked-out idiot who just scored. I was so excited.  EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am becoming one those people...

I promise I won't let it go to my head ;-)

Seriously though...I was so proud of myself this afternoon that I have been floating on a cloud ever since. I've been told before that one day you'll just be in the pose, without even knowing it....and today was my day!

It makes me, finally, feel like a yogini.  Like I practice yoga, not just show up and hyperventilate for an hour. 

I am so happy.
I am so excited.
I am so proud.
I am a yoga bunny...

Week 2 - Awkward Eyes

I finally made it back to Yin class last night!  It's been way too long, and, man, did it feel goooooood!! It coincides with Grace's circus class so I haven't been able to go in at least a few months. :-(

Yin yoga is definitely the type of yoga I can do at home.  Some nights I find myself laying in bed in some weird position (mind out of the gutter please), trying to get all zen-like and I think to myself...."Hmm, if only Emilie was here to talk me thru all of this"....but until I can convince my yoga teacher to do house calls at bedtime it is impossible to do without Emilie. The poses are held for 3-5 minutes and without queues it's impossible to gauge the time.  Fourty five seconds pass and I'm sure it's been 5 minutes.

Just thinking out loud here...maybe Moksha Yoga can come out with an audio version of yin class?! With Emilie's voice...or Samuel L. Jackson...either one is fine.

So I walk around the corner to the yoga room and am immediately overcome by the beauty of the abs that were walking towards me.  My first thought...HELLO!...second thought...aw, crap...hot dude is going to yin class.  WHY?!? WHY!?? Seriously? There should be a requirement for only ugly people in my yoga classes.  Hmmm...thinking out loud again...maybe I could convince my yoga studio to have "Ugly Thursdays"?  Must be an over-weight, gangly-toothed, wart-covered troll to attend.  Then by default I'd be the hot one.  And, yeah, I know the hot guy is probably looking thru me or too busy focusing on his abs anyway....plus I'm married, but that doesn't mean that I am blind to beauty. 

BUT! It's Accessibilty Week of my challenge so I decided to tell myself..."SCREW THE HOT GUY!"...........oh, WAIT.....not literally.  Geez...

I decided to not let the inner-me whine all class about how unfair it is that I'm distracted by hot guy's abs, and the fact that I lack abs.  Whatever.  I don't care!!!  I'm going to be accessible to myself, and I'm going to have the best yoga class, distraction free!

I get in to class early to pick a prime spot. We line our mats up in two rows, and lay head-to-head. I'm laying there in Savasana, enjoying my ME time, and I hear the room start to fill up. I hear Emilie start talking, I'm so excited I made it to Yin! I'm all relaxed, it's time to roll over and then sit up,....and I feel a sense of pending doom lurking.  Now is the moment of truth.....who will I be facing when I sit up?  Yep...HOT GUY.

SERIOUSLY??

I instantly decided that I was NOT going to let this interrupt my ME time. I love yin class, and dammit I was going to enjoy it.  No stress, no distractions, just me and my mat and the sound of Emilie's voice. 

Our eyes meet for a split second, and then there's the awkward "where do I look"...Uggghhh...I seriously hate eye contact.  Why can't we live in a culture where it's rude to make eye contact?  Or maybe we could have completely dark yoga classes.  Nobody would know what anyone was doing or what they looked like.  That way I could pull out my wedgie whenever I wanted and not feel judged...

I decided to just keep my eyes closed and pretend he wasn't there.  I actually ended up forgetting he was there, and left the class feeling so good about myself.  I got to my favourite class, my body felt amaze-balls when I was done.  And by the end of class, I didn't even remember why I gave a shit about hot-abs-guy to begin with.

I know that part of this week's challenge is to do the whole eye-contact thing...but I just can't, sorry.  I will just over compensate with my "I" statements.

I feel...that you and your abs should wear a tshirt.
I will...close my eyes for the entire class so I do not have to make eye contact.
I won't...assume you are a brain-dead beef cake just because of your abs.
I love...yin too much to be distracted by you.

Please don't stare at me...but you can stare at my FB page: Pigeon Pose Emotions

Week 2 - Day 2 - Chatterbox

In order...questions asked by my son in the span of an hour, while watching Survivor...which really took an hour and a half or more because I kept pausing the show to actively listen....OH YEAH!! Active listening was full on tonight!!!

If you know there is something wrong with a roulette table is it still ok to use it?
Hey Mom, how many people are in your Survivor pool at work?
Who holds the money?
What's card-counting mean?
What actually made the Titanic sink?
Blackjacks easy, how do you make money off that?
Did you know it takes like 6 hours to make a roulette board?
(Someone watched "How It's Made" today)
You can put your elbows on a roulette board, and your glass on it, but not your purse.
Did you see the CSI episode when they were trying to get the poker chips.
Did they have returning players on Survivor this time?
Algebra is so confusing, when will I ever need it?
What's a geothermal heatpump?
How do you cool something with a heat pump???
Did you see the Harry Potter movie with the unicorn?
Did you see the guy by the sportsplex riding his unicycle?
Why wouldn't he just buy a bike?
Do you know why America got Alaska?

And those are just the ones I caught...He has literally been talking, pretty much non-stop, since 9pm.  It's almost 11pm....there's no end in sight.   Bedtime...yes please.

And that is why I have nothing intelligent to write about tonight (or most nights for that matter)...I am mentally drained. I wouldn't change it for the world, it's good entertainment but somedays I wonder if he needs medication...then I realize it's probably just me that needs it...

Week 2 - What I Hear You Saying is...

Week 2 - Be Accessible

This week is all about active listening and being accessible...being there, being present.

At work, we have these fluffy-touchy-feely courses all about communication.  These are the courses we take when we don't want to go to work because none of it ever seems to be usable in real-life.  These courses are good for doodling and making origami boats.

Paraphrasing drives me nuts...so if I hear you correctly, paraphrasing drives Wendy nuts.  Yes.  Yes it does.  Oh it does?  Yes it does.

I suck at conflict, face-to-face is killer.  I'm very passive-aggressive...another thing I learned at these courses! I hate eye contact, especially forced eye contact. I rarely stand up for myself, I let people hurt my feelings and pretend it doesn't matter.  I crack jokes about myself to cover up my insecurities. If I feel attacked, I disappear into my shell....typically.  There's always my freak-out moments, but those are like once a year. I am absolutely no good at communication. I leave those classes no better off. I never forsee a day of me actually asking for what I want or don't want. Even worse than asking for something is telling someone you don't want something...dreadful. Obviously when it's hubby that I want something from that's a different story.  Asking is not hard when it's friends or close friends...it's work or strangers that freak me right out.

One thing I did learn, and randomly enough, it was from a participate of a class, not the teacher...was to ask your children open-ended questions.  I went 6 years of asking Jeremy "how was school"....only to get the classic "fine".  I started asking "what did you learn today?"...and that totally opened it up.  It's not everyday that I get an answer, but it definitely opens the door for better communication.  Grace is a little more stubborn and says "nothing" everyday...then I have to say "well I better talk to your teacher because she's not doing a very good job"...then Grace giggles, and tells me what she learned.  Such a drama queen...can never just do something without turning it in to a process.

Just this afternoon, by asking that question I learned that Jeremy had a french test that was easier than he thought, he thinks algebra is hard, his teacher's parents came to Canada via Pier 21, and regardless of what the gym teacher says, he disagrees with jumping with two feet when doing the long-jump. He wouldn't have told me half of that with a classic "how was school?".

One thing I've always prided myself in is my chatting skills with the kids. I also like to chat so it's a win-win.  As I type, Jeremy is rambling on about World War 1 and gun licenses. With this week's challenge, its been a very chatty night. And before you judge and tell me that typing and listening at the same time is not active listening....I already actively listened for his entire conversation about war ships before supper...and I didn't yawn or roll my eyes once.  So there!

Neither child shuts up...ever. EVER. I remember a time when we were actually worried about Grace not talking a lot. She hardly said a word.  Yeah...those where the days.  It's always something around here.   Whether it's about a youtube video or something they saw on the news, or a random thing they did at school.  My kiddies like to chat.  So by default, I have to listen! Some nights I want to hide in the laundry room so I don't have to answer one more question...but most nights it's so entertaining that before you know it, it's an hour past their bedtime and we are still going on about the how's and why's of income tax (seriously...that was an hour long conversation in our house last week).  *shoot me now*

Tomorrow I'm going to try to track every question/topic the kids bring up. It's always random, strange and very entertaining.  Stay tuned...

Week 1 - Day 7 - My U-vue-what?

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Still sick....

Week 1 was a complete right-off.  I only made it yoga once, and hardly ate this week so I didn't really have much opportunity to try to cook meals without using processed stuff. 

Wah wah wah..........sucks.

I had a few moments of feeling better, even helped a friend paint her shed this weekend.  But just as I let my guard down, my throat would swell up again.  It seems worse at night, and of course my nose is stuffed up, so I'm breathing thru my mouth, so I wake up so dry that I'm willing to drink toilet water.

Saturday night we went out to the Casino to find out if I won the Madonna tickets.  I didn't. Whatever. Didn't want to see her anyway. Her loss...

So I'm feeling better, all excited that I'll get to yoga on Sunday. Yeah, not so much. I wake up at 3:00am and could hardly breath, felt like I was choking.  GREAT!!!  I go take a look in the mirror and almost screamed. My uvula was so swollen that it was double it's size, both length and width, so badly it was resting on my tongue.  So every time I swallowed or talked it was gagging me.  Worried that the swelling might not stop, I decided it was time for a trip to the hospital.  3am, Dartmouth Hospital on a Saturday night....oh this was going to be interesting. 

First off, I am not one to go rushing to the doctor/hospital....my rule with the kids is someone has to be bleeding to death or have protruding bones before we go.  My biggest pet peeve is people who rush to the hospital for colds and then complain about our health care system and how long the waits are.  But I knew I needed something...

I arrived to an empty parking lot.  Weird. I went it and the waiting room was empty. WEIRD.  The nurse took me right in, I was brought right to the back, and saw a doctor within minutes.  WEIRDER!!!  I don't know if it was a full moon or what, but I was there and back home again with penicillin within 50 minutes. 

It's now Monday, and it's all still swollen. I hate taking antibiotics...I get enough of that in my meat (blah). This is the first time in years that I've taken anything for an illness and go figure, doesn't help anyway.  Just a crap-tas-tic week.

I really feel sad that I basically missed Week 1 of LYM12.  At least next week's challenge is active listening so if my throat's still sore I have an excuse not to talk....

Week 1 - Day 4 - Human Nature

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Still sick. Blah.  Week 1 has been a flop so far.  I haven't done anything but sleep, work, sleep. The only reason I've even went to work this week is because I started a new job and didn't want to be "that girl".......though now I'm "the sick one", so whatever. 

Tuesday night, I collapsed into bed for the night.  Wednesday morning I managed to get my ass to work but only managed to stay until about 10am.  Wednesday's meals consisted of fruit and water....and drugs.  Thursday I went to work, breakfast was fruit, lunch was a turkey sandwich (made fresh at a bakery!!  Whole grain bread too! WOOT!)....and a pickle.  Thursday night was more sleepy time...and more drugs.  This morning I slept in (how I don't know?!)....apparently 10 straight hours of sleep is still not enough.  So I didn't eat breakfast. Luckily, I managed to convince hubby to bring me breakfast at work.  He brought me yogurt (processed?!)  and a 12 grain bagel.  Normally I would have cream cheese, lots and lots of cream cheese...but I chose butter instead.  I know butter is probably no better, but it seems better so I went with it.  Lunch was fruit.  I'm friggin starving.....lol

Trust me, it's not intentional! My throat is just so sore that it's all I could handle.  Ever have that itchy, gross feeling in the back of your throat and think to yourself, "If only I could scratch it?"....then you shove a spoon handle towards your tonsils....scratch, scratch....GAG!!  But, OMG, it's feels soooooo good.  So that's what I do...scratch, scratch, gag, scratch, scratch, gag.  I'm no doctor, but so far it seems way better than a body full of antibiotics (processed??).

Needless to say there's also been no yoga.  :-(  Though, I have spent a freakish amount of time flat on my back aka Savasana...sooooo......I sort of practiced? 

So far......week 1....mostly an epic fail.

I was actually looking forward to coming home tonight, over-medicating, and sleeping my crappy week away....maybe I'd wake up tomorrow and be fine, and could actually go get some groceries and go to YOGA!!  Then I remembered that I qualified for a trip for 2 to see MADONNA in Toronto, and the draw is tonight....you have to be there to win.  I literally sang...on the radio...to get qualified.  Those who know me, know I love my music...but know that I also cannot carry a note to save my life.

Never in my life have I been so tempted to just assume I won't win anyway, and skip the party. I just want to sleep. I just want to take more pills.  I just want to wake up and not feel like death. I hardly ever win anything, and would never win something as wicked as that anyway. Plus the overwhelming dilemma of having to pick my +1 to take to TO with me....I'm sure it would end up in massive fights between all my friends trying to vie for the #1 best friend spot. That would probably mean them taking me out for dinner, or buying me presents, or even more likely...paying my bills....all just to prove they are the one that deserves the trip to MADONNA!!!!!  See my dilemma?? I would be better off to just stay home and not take the chance of winning it in the first place.

But come on........it's FRICKIN MADONNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

So Papa Don't Preach...I'm counting my...Lucky Star...that I'll...Live to Tell...and be able to...Justify My Love...for Madonna!  So please say something that sounds...Like A Prayer...and...Open Your Heart...to me as I head to the contest to find out...What it Feels Like for a Girl...to...Vogue...in Toronto to the...Music...of the goddess known as the...Material Girl!!

Week 1 - Day 1 2012 Forget it...

Week 1 - Be Healthy...no processed foods or toxins.
Supersized challenge....7 days of yoga practice

Ok, so I'm not completely defeated, but I just read what processed foods actually are, and now I'm wondering what the hell I'm going to eat all week? A girl, with an obsession for carbs, can only eat so many leaves and twigs before she collapses. And please don't suggest kale........*GAG*.

I know processed means boxed/packaged/canned etc.  But OJ and BACON??  Those are my two favorite things EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Well, I knew bacon was going to be off limits, but it still doesn't cut down my sadness.  Milk is processed, and I'm guessing so are the cookies that go with it. And carbs....white bread is out (totally fine), but pasta?  I get that it's in a box....but :-(   I'll miss you spaghetti....RIP....until next Tuesday.

So I'm flashing back to last year when I freaked out about vegetarian/vegan meals....
Is There Steak in My Crackers?

All I can hear is Estelle telling me to think grey, not black and white.  So I'm giving my self the approval to do my best and not stress out.  This morning I had a shake made with almond milk and frozen (but fresh, cause I just froze them yesterday) bananas.  Not too shabby...almond milk is processed, but I just had no energy to milk fresh almonds this morning.

Lunch, well.....OK, FINE, whatever.....I went to Wendy's....bite me.  BUT, and this is a big BUT....instead of getting the triple bacon cheeseburger (I love bacon...) all I got was a salad, used just enough dressing to add a bit of taste, and only hate a few croutons (seriously, not lying here).  So I know the croutons are obviously processed, but I made the effort...so half points for today's challenge.

Now I just realized that all condiments are probably out too??   Whatever....I'll deal.

I did go to yoga, so bonus for hitting day 1 of the supersized challenge.  I'm also giving extra bonus cause I feel like I'm about to get hit by a truck...which is more than likely the flu my son had all weekend.  Seriously?  I feed him, provide a room, he gets allowance, I drive him where ever he wants....why can't he just back right off on the germ factory he's become? I thought it got easier to control sickness the other they got?

So I feel like crap. I'm overdosing on tylenol cold & flu (also processed I'm sure)....but I made myself go!!

Supper is being cooked by my hubby tonight (sometimes being sick has advantages!).....steak (right from the butcher), potatoes, and fresh carrots.  I won't use butter...fine, we ran out of butter last night, so I have no choice.  Blogging makes me too honest...I will eat the crappy, dry, tasteless potatoes OKAY?!?!

Overall, a decent first day...if I manage to drag my ass out of bed tomorrow I'll try, try again!

Random thought of the day: Never wear lace undies to hot yoga...ouch!

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