So far, I've eaten more food than an elephant. (PMS)
My grandmother was taken to the hospital via ambulance. (dehydrated, bad virus, all better now)
I broke my blender. (so much for my breakfast shakes, at least til payday)
The dog ate chicken bones, and his ass smells like death. (Not that I'm sniffing his ass, but if you know my dog, it's bad)
I broke a huge decorative bowl filled with Christmas ornaments and sent glass flying all over my living room. (We will be wearing shoes for a while, just in case)
Slept in for my first day back to work.
Anything that could go wrong at work...did.
I went to yoga after work, and was annoyed at the two skinny bitches in the front row. Though, once I realized they were sharing one teeny-tiny water bottle, and neither of them had an elastic for their long luxurious locks....I knew I'd be the winner in the end! BHA!!!! (Entertaining at least)
I'm three days in, and so far...not so great. So happy fricking new year people....
Ok, rant is over....
Today was first day at yoga since before vacation. I'm going to try to get my butt there right after work so there's no excuse. By the time I get home, cook, clean, yell at the kids, shave my legs...it's a fight to get to yoga in time, or I'm just beyond lazy at that point and only want to sit on my butt and watch TV.
I packed my yoga stuff and took it with me to work. I have just enough time at the end of the work day to get to the studio, change, and maybe get 5 mins of Savasana before class starts. I was slack on the water today, but managed to dump about 20 ounces into me on the way there. Man...you ever pee so much you think it's never going to stop?
I must have started dozing cause the teacher's voice scared the bah-gee-bers outta me!! I could literally feel my heart pounding. I can say that's a first...never been terrified in yoga class before. Hope it doesn't turn into one of my never-ending phobias...
Class was great, a typical class, except the two bitches, but there's always at least one. I usually just dry off, and leave in my sweaty yoga clothes, I sit on my towel for the drive and then come home and change. I've spent too many times in that locker room trying to pull my pants up and it turning into an episode of friends (Remember Ross and the leather pants?!) Yeah, try pulling on jeans when you are damp, and your arms are like jello. Anyone else hearing "I'm sexy and I know it"??
I get out of class and have a not-so-great AHA moment...I wore high heels today, little booties. How sweet am I going to look leaving class with knee lenght yoga pants and booties?? Nice. I have to get changed back into my work clothes. I think about just going into the bathroom stall. But...in my hopes of overcoming my body issues, I decide SCREW IT...I'm stripping right down to my bra and panties and getting changed in front of the skinny bitches. Plus I have cute panties on and a decently matching bra, which NEVER happens, so I'm feeling brave. I suck it, and whip my tank top off....OMG, I'm totally doing it!! Ok, so I'm not quite brave enough to pull off the pants right away, so I put my work tank top on first. Then I pull the pants off, and very quickly throw my work pants back on. Yeah...to about my knees before they got "stuck" on my sweaty legs....so now I'm yanking and pulling at my pants like a sausage. I finally get them up enough to not be obviously standing there with my pants stuck to my thighs....I wiggle a little more and voila! Pants are on.
Now, I'm thinking I'm good cause at least now I'm fully clothed, but I still have to pull on my cowl-neck sweater. I should have known....but nope, next thing I know I'm stuck in my sweater, the sleeves are stuck to my arms, and all twisted up. Whatever, I give up. Throw my jacket on and walk out in shame...
Three days in...and already I had to give myself an "it gets better" speech all the way home...
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