Juanabe

It's 8:20am...it's a snow day. Like a legit, official, work is closed type of day.  And it's not even snowing yet. It's like Christmas morning to me!

The plan was set in motion last night...let the kids stay up late so they'd sleep in! CHECK!
Wake up to a text from my boss saying no work. CHECK!!
Get another text that school is closed. (Captain Obvious...thank you HRSB) CHECK!
Get up early to rush to Tim's to load up on coffee before the snow started. CHECK!!
Go to Two If By Sea and get a croissant for breakfast. CHECK!!! (Warm and fresh from the oven...BONUS!!)
Get home and enjoy the peace and quiet until the kids get up....ahhhhhhh....silence.

We are awaiting the storm of the year, it's coming...my cat says so. She's a nutjob right now. Claws and a pending storm make for an interesting night. I think I'm prepared...food, candles, I have the heat cranked so if the power goes out its that much longer before we freeze to death. Did I mention coffee? Lots of coffee!!

It's like the karma gods have aligned and set up my day for perfection. Good coffee, great croissant, silence, power (so far), and a paid day off. Life is sweet!

I even have a bottle of wine for when the kids wake up.  For me, not them!! Cabin fever is easier to handle when you're tipsy.

My roof may not stay on...but that's a whole other story.

New Year New ME 2014

Holy bananas batman...I have been horribly neglectful of this blog. It's such a mental drain on me sometimes that I just push it to the back burner and wish to the blog gods that it just writes itself. So far not luck. I find it very therapeutic to write, y'all know I have no filter so this is sort of a diary for me. But the last nine months or so of my life have been a complete roller coaster and very time consuming to say the least.

1. Divorce...well not quite, separated but it's only that dumb piece of paper we are waiting for. (procrastinating on because I am broke and can't afford it)

2. Dating life...uhhhhhhh....boys suck. Have you surfed a dating website lately? It's all wang shots and cheesy one-liners. First of all, it's not that big, wangs aren't cute, nobody wants to see them, and taking the picture at ridiculously weird angles does not make me want it more. Boys...DO NOT SEND WANG SHOTS. You just look like an idiot when you do. Plus we show everyone and then laugh about it.

3. I have a teenage boy...enough said.

4. I also have a preteen girl...shoot me now. Seriously. Just put me out of my misery. Please.

5. Mental stress...antidepressants required. No joke. Not my ideal fix, but will blog more on that later.

6. Yoga...non-existent...partial due to mental stress (oxymoron I know), partially due to the fact that I can't afford the gas to drive my arse to the studio. (see #7)

7. Money woes...nobody told me getting a divorce, moving out on my own, buying a crappy fixer-upper house, replacing all my stuff and paying all the bills would be so hard. It all looked good on paper. It's not. I am BROKE. Not like "Oh, I have my credit card to fall back on" broke...but "Cards are maxed, I don't make enough money, I need to re-adjust my spending habits quickly before my lights get shut off" broke. I barely live paycheck to paycheck, and I've had my fair share of skipped meals in the last few months. (see #8)

8. Lifestyle change...due to previously mentioned money woes a lot of things have changed or are in the process of being changed. Cable is gone, new clothes are gone, Christmas was slashed in half, I'm learning to say NO, and learning to stick to it. It has not been easy, it's been quick frustrating to have to constantly explain myself to the people who don't like to hear NO. It's not that I don't want to go to dinner with you or go shopping with you, it's that I just cannot afford it. So stop asking. Please. Unless you want to pay, then I'm always up for a free coffee. My besties know the real deal, and now you do to. It's been a hard process. I've slipped and tripped all over myself. I overspend and then feel like crap about it. I understand what I need to do, but that doesn't mean I'm good at it. Me and budgets don't work well together. I'm forgetful, I rush, I have an impulsive devil resting on my shoulder. I'm doing my best but need the patience and understanding from my friends that it's not going to be easy. Don't ask me to do ANYTHING!!! Cause I'm living in a hole from now til I dig myself out. If I go out and do something, believe me, something else is suffering because of it...or I'm not the one footing the bill.

9. It's definitely not all gloom and doom...in the mix of all of this BS, I somehow managed to stumble upon a mythical creature that I did not believe existed. A NICE, FUNNY, AMAZING GUY!!! I really thought they were like unicorns or mermaids. Imagine my surprise when he actually accepted and encouraged my mild (moderate?) craziness. He is fun, he is funny, he loves me, he loves my kids. He is smart, just the right amount of stubborn (most of the time), puts me in my place when I need it, and can calm me down with just a few words and a hug. I have no anxiety when he is around. My heart aches when we have to spend a night apart so I am very thankful that those nights are far and few in between. He is the most caring, quirky, lovable man I've ever met. I love him, I love his kids, I adore his family, and I look forward to living my life with him by my side. It's been six short months, but it feels like a lifetime. He has changed my life for the better in a way that I never thought could happen to me. This stuff only happens in the movies that I cry at or in some dumb romance novel that I gag my way through. Except it actually happened to ME! And believe me, we've seen the best and worst of each other, I'm not living with rose colored glasses on. We have, to the core, experienced each others bests and worsts. Through all of this he still keeps showing up at my house each night, so I think he's a keeper! xoxo

Me.

My life has changed. For the better. 

I am in love. 

I am happy. 

I am grateful. 

I am content. 

I am living life. 

I am finally being me. 

Summer Rush

I finally understand why I find it so hard to blog in the summer....lack of inspiration AKA the kids aren't here to drive me wildly cuckoo mad. 

This conversation just occurred:

Wendy: Jeremy, the school called and said you had detention for forgetting your gym clothes AGAIN.  (One week into school...shoot me now)

Jeremy: yeah 

Wendy: Well...what happened?

Jeremy: I didn't have a kitbag here. 

Wendy: You could have used a sobeys bag. 

Jeremy: Uh...I don't want to have to DRAG around a sobeys bag. 

Wendy: Wouldn't that be easier than having detention?

Jeremy: It wasn't detention, it was study hall. 

Wendy: OK...well was it worth an hour of your time in STUDY HALL?!?!

Jeremy: It was 45 mins. 

Wendy: WAS IT WORTH IT?!?!

Jeremy: Yes. 

-------------------------------

Riddle me that?

I hate teenagers. 

Baby B's Birth Story

The stork has arrived once again!

Friday, the 19th of July, I got the long overdue call that Mama M's water had broken. According to the estimate date she was approximately 10 days overdue, which probably felt like 100 days to Mama M. I'm not sure there are many things worse than being overdue in the dead of summer.

Mama M & Daddy J went to the hospital to get checked out. Sure enough, the time had finally arrived and I was called to go to the hospital at 11:30pm to what was sure to be a fast labour. By this point she was already 3 cms dilated and 75% effaced (thinning of the cervix, has to be 100%). She was well on her way, and the contractions were already at 2-2 1/2 mins apart and lasting 45 seconds of more. On paper...this was huge.

M's breathing was priceless. She could write a book about proper breathing techniques for birth. Actually, J could write a book about proper coaching and breathing as well. I have never witnessed a couple as in sync as they were. It was actually very moving to see. Even at the peak of her pain, there were still hugs and kisses and sweethearts and darlings. They breathed together as one as they waltz in place during all the contractions.

Fast forward through about 5 hours of walking and swaying back and forth thru contractions...
It was early morning and the pain was getting worse. As always, there's generally a shift in the way the mother reacts as she gets closer and closer to the goal of 10cms. There was such a shift that it really seemed like she would at least be 8cms...not so. But she was at 5cms. Progress at least?!

It was now 5am on Saturday and nobody had slept since Friday morning. Patience was wearing thin and the dreaded defeat hit. This was going to be a long labour. Mama M decided to opt for some Fentanyl to help ease some pain. It was part of her birth plan to have a drug free delivery, but that's not always achievable with long labours. There's a reason it's called a birth plan though and not a birth contract...you are able to change your mind.

With the drugs able to relax her a bit, she drifted in and out of sleep for a few hours. By 9am, she received a 2nd dose of Fentanyl and they checked her cervix again. This time she was still stuck at 5/6...talk about defeat! By this time they decided to break her fore waters, which is the fluid that remains trapped between the baby's head and cervix. Breaking this can be useful in creating more pressure on the cervix to help it dilate, but can also be a cause for the cervix to not dilate uniformly and can cause swelling...catch 22 really. You don't know whether it's going to help or not until it's done.

Guess what...it didn't help. By noon, after another cervix check, she was still 6cms and now her cervix was swollen, plus she now had a fever.  The decision was made that she had approx. 2hrs to progress or it would be an immediate C-section. An epidural was given it hopes that it would relax her enough to let her body do the work it needed to do.

Guess what...that DID help.  By 1:30pm she was dilated to 9.5cms. I'm not a huge fan of epidurals...I'm barely a mediocre fan, but when used at the right time for the right situations they actually can do a good thing. In this case, it stopped a C-section from being performed.

By 3pm she was fully dilated, Mom & Dad took power naps to rest up for pushing. I ran downstairs and inhaled a sub for breakfast/lunch and by 4:30 she was starting to push.

This is were things get blurry....and graphic. *Readers be warned* (BABY IS FINE!)

After about 30-35 minutes of pushing, there was huge progress. The baby moved down nicely, crowned, and then the head was out. But all of a sudden then was an emergency page for "SHOULDER"...and in the blink of an eye the room was full of nurses and NICU staff. The baby's shoulder was stuck behind Mama's pubic bone. Shoulder dystocia...a very scary thing.

The baby is literally stuck in the vagina. With no room, the umbilical cord is squashed and the baby's lungs are also compressed so there is no way for the baby to get oxygen. The baby has to come out NOW.

You've never seen a pregnant lady in labour be moved so fast. Within 30 seconds, she was flipped onto her hands and knees, then back again, legs being pushed back, with a nurse pushing on her pubic bone with her whole body strength.  The position changes more than often help to shift the baby.

The doctor then placed her hand up past the baby's head, into the vagina, grabbed a hold of the baby's arm and pulled. Out popped baby...a very blue/purple, limp baby. The NICU team took the baby right away and within 30 seconds the baby started to cry the tiniest, little gurgly cry I've ever heard. In the chaos of it all, it was confirmed that the baby was indeed a GIRL! It would take a few days in the NICU to come around, but in the end she was fine.

As quickly as it happened, it was like slow motion. By far, the scariest birth I've ever witness. By the end of it, it looks like a scene out of a movie. There was literally blood every where. I fully understand why it's recommended to have an extra change of clothes/shoes with you. It was insane. It was a learning experience I will never forget.

Overall, a scary yet beautiful birth. The parents were so in sync, the most active participation by the dad, the most grateful parents to just hold their little girl. It was a blessing to be a part of, and I look forward to the next time.

Status Update

Today is my 12th wedding anniversary.

Today is bittersweet.

It's weird and awkward maneuvering through a relatively happy divorce. It's weird cause we are stuck in a friendly-divorcing-couple zone, and awkward because we are talking about things that real friends would talk about. There should be a rule book for FDC's (friendly divorcing couples). Like, for example, talking about the fact you are dating is ok.  Talking about private...uh...private matters should probably be left off the table. Lines are blurred and crossed with us on a weekly basis. Just when you think you are cool to hear about these things one wrong thing is said and it's tears and hissy fits.  Then I have to calm him down and hand him a tissue...it's gets off track so easily. ;)

So obviously, yes, we've both started dating again. Awesomesauce. There's no weirdos out there at all. Gah!! I've never dated in my life. Teenage dating was not dating...

I haven't met any serial killers yet, well at least I haven't ended up in a trunk yet. I've been on a few disaster dates and I'm quickly realizing that my anxiety of confrontation is going to have to move aside. Turns out I'm the queen of not responding and hoping they just don't contact me again. I have to learn how to say PISS OFF WEIRDO. Or ya know...thanks but no thanks.

I'm learning to deal with being a single lady. It's not like I'm worried to do the work or chip a nail, but there are definitely a lot of things that having a guy around for would make easier....lawn mowing, garbage hauling, bug killing just to name a few. But bright side...I'm working on my arm strength every single time I push that damn mower up the hill.

Life is good. I'm working on my wino hobby, and I've actually found a few good ones. Right now I'm sipping on Jost Blush, it will definitely be drank again! I'm, mostly, back on track with going to yoga...new house really threw me off AGAIN.

New house is mostly in place. I'm done with the little projects for a while cause they always end up a disaster.  Like the tiny I bubble in the gyproc I tried to fix that turned out to be multiple layers of wallpaper that I had to scrap. I'm comfortable with it as it stands so I'm taking the summer off from the stress!

Rollin' Down the Street

I took the long way home today, listening to my new fav song "Cruise"...so appropriate.  It's like I can find a theme song for all moments in my life.  Driving..."Cruise".  Sad..."Good Mother". Happy..."Happy". Sitting at home sipping wine..."Anything mixed by Norwegian Recycling". I have a song for everything...so needless to say, music rules my life and I always have it cranked in the car.

Best part of summer...cruising with the windows down, singing at the top of your lungs. Til you pull up to a red light and then clam up for fear of looking foolish. You sit there, eyes straight ahead, no movement...pretend like it's not your car blasting "Gin & Juice". Please don't make eye contact!! Please!!! I hope they didn't notice my fake microphone...

I don't know why I care what I look like to the stranger in the car next to me.  Oh right...anxiety. Ok whatever. The mission for the week is to just own it and keep bopping to the song regardless of where I am or who I'm beside. It's not like I'll ever see these people...unless it's a coworker who pulls up beside me but they already know I'm 50% crazy, 50% insane anyway so they are always judging me anyway. If you don't like hearing me sing "Like a Virgin" then just keep driving.  Unless it's a red light...then you should probably wait until it turns green.

If you chose to also accept the mission please let me know!