You're not alone.

"Falling Apart in One Piece" by Stacy Morrison

An amazing (real) story about how Stacy struggles through her divorce.  I'm not sure why I even bought the book? (Mommy/Stepdad issues perhaps??)  I'm not divorced, I'm not planning a divorce (ask me again tomorrow!), I'm not being told that Todd wants a divorce...but I was just really drawn to the book. Plus it was in the clearance section so that's an obvious bonus ;-)

It's basically how her husband says, out of the blue, that he wants a divorce. She doesn't see it coming, doesn't know why, and it so confused and angry by it all. But as the time passes she begins to see more and more of how he saw the relationship and began to realize that no two people see their relationship the exact same way.

For example......one big part of our (Todd and I) frustrations is that Todd is very impulsive and I need to plan things out.  He'll, just on a whim, invite people over and I immediately begin to panic. It's not that I don't want the people over.  I just need to think it through first.  The house could be spotless and I could have prepared the best dinner in the world with plenty of leftovers and I'd still be stressed out.  Its a learned habit, too many years of living with my grandparents and having Mr. and Mrs. Worry hover over my every move. Also, I see it as "planning", he sees it as "needs medication".  On this one, we agree to disagree.

I know my mini-freak outs are not helping, I know it's not the end of the world but it still royally pisses me off when Todd does stuff like that.  BUT...I've also started to realize that it's a part of us, neither good nor bad.  He's not right, I'm not wrong.  If he wasn't impulsive, if he was as analytical as myself, imagine how boring  our lives would be??

T - "Um, should we maybe invite someone over this weekend"
W - "I don't know, do you think the house is clean enough and are we caught up on all our chores?"
T - "Hmmm, maybe we should think this through. Can we afford if it they want to do something?
      Will we be entertaining enough? Do people like us?
W - "OMG, I don't know either!!! Lets not do anything ok?"
T - "OK"

Wowzers...that sounds super awesome?!

Life would be very flat-lined if we both thought the same.  We parent differently, I'm a talk-it-through Mom and he's a because-I-said-so dad. Our idea of spending time with our families are different, I would see mine everyday if possible, he'd be more like once a week or so.  He's very generous with his time, I prefer to get something in return if I'm going to grace you with my presence!!  I get frustrated that he'll help someone over and over and over but when he needs help most of the time said person isn't available.  But then again I've spent years of wasted time trying to "help" a friend with a problem and it really got me nowhere and he never said anything to me about it. 

AHA moment #582, Todd bought a motorcycle. Nothing fancy, and he made a deal with another family member so it ended up not costing a huge amount.  I flipped...."OMFG, that money wasn't for bikes, it was to do something productive".  How dare he buy a bike?!  I would NEVER buy something so expensive without talking it over first.  NEVER!!!!  Oh well, except for the hundreds of dollars I'm spending on laser hair removal. But that doesn't count right? I never really fully explained how much it was going to cost but really that's for both of us, and I'm saving time AND money because I'll never have to shave again. Say it with me now...."That doesn't count!!!

Fine...it counts. Thanks for picking sides...

Well, I should explain...I'm still sorta pissed that he bought it without talking it over first, but the point of this is that I was ready to FLIP OUT on him for it but realized I was (sort of) doing the same thing and the thought had never crossed my mind that it was the same thing. Trust me, in the long run I wouldn't have gotten anywhere. Telling Todd he can't do something gets me nowhere...and I'm starting to see that as a good thing. I can't stand the ladies who tell their husbands what move to make and when to make it.  Worse...I can't stand the men who take it and give an "Ok honey".  Hey guys, put those big boy undies on !!

The point of my rant is that you cannot judge how or why someone does something. Whether it be your friend, your parent, or your spouse.  Their way isn't necessarily wrong, its just not how you would do it. 

***Side note for Todd....this does not mean you can invite people over whenever you want now***

Divorcing, newly married, stuck in a rut, content....either way, this book is a good read and gives you lots of insight on love and marriage.  And just know that no matter what you are going through...someone else is too. Talk it out and then maybe you'll begin to see how most of us all have some common threads to our marriages.  The good, the bad, the ugly...til death do us part. 
(Hopefully naturally, and nobody spending 25 to life...)

A good excuse to not do dishes!

I got my nails "did" yesterday....fingers and toes!! Oh-la-la!
First time trying out that in-and-out nail place at the mall. Ya know the one, with ROWS of chairs and men with masks!  (Why do they have to wear the mask??  My feet don't stink!)

So Mr. Fast and Furious Asian boy/man comes to get me for my pedicure...no mask, hmm...I think he likes me!
He directs me to my vibrating chair and just starts pointing at my feet and then the water.  Ah, it's going to be a sign-language day!  Obvious language barrier...but I don't care as long as he can point I can understand!

"Foot....water....there", Mr. Fast says. Ok, I get that.  A lady sits down next to me and she gets "foot...there".  Poor thing was so confused, so I filled in the blank..."water". 

Next comes what I can only describe as a removal of all layers of skin on my feet. No fancy, relaxing spa treatment here.  He pulls out an old fashion scrub brush and something that resembles an SOS pad.  Oh shit, this is NOT going to feel nice!  I will myself not to pee from holding in my laughter as it tickles like nobodys business.  Yoga-zen-mind control seeks in, and I frantically play solitaire on my blackberry.  Phew...first foot done!  By this time, the lady eyes have exploded as she's watching his scour my feet!  She knows it's her turn next and her knuckles are turning white from clutching the chair so hard.  Her "Mrs" grabs her foot and immediately this lady starts to LOL...really loudly. The nail-lady looks up and says "TICKLE!"...good for a laugh.

The rest of the pedicure was pretty normal, he even rubbed my legs...which at first I was like "OH NO!!!!"...but I'd just shaved the day before and he had gloves on so I chilled out. 

Next came the manicure, which he FORCED me to have...I swear Todd!  I said I wasn't sure if I had enough nail to work with (I'm a biter).  He grabbed my hand and said "That works" so off we went.  He filed, he clipped, he lotioned, and painted. The lady had also caught up to me and now she was getting her forced manicure as well.  (Its such a shame how they MAKE you do these things!!).  

I spent the rest of the night staring at my nails like a little toddler who was attracted to the "shiny".  I even sent Todd pictures, and waited, and waiting for a response telling me how awesome they are....hmm, shoulda thought that one out a little better maybe and sent the picture to Erica instead.

Now I'm in panic mode though...I really didn't think it through as I'm going away this weekend to PEI and we are getting family pictures done by the amazing Jill Hardy!! (http://www.jillhardyphotography.com/).  So why did I get my nails done on a Tuesday when I should have gotten them done on Thursday or Friday?!?  I don't want to touch anything for fear I will ruin it.  I was totally dumb and forgot to buy the same polish from the store for touchups.  I'm hoping Jill is a very good photoshopper and maybe she can color them back in again with magic?!!  I'm doing my best to not ruin them, but I feel like my paranoia is going to get the best of me and by trying to hard to not do anything that I will end up doing something.  I'm going to stay away from the dishes (ooh, so sad.), and I'm typing with the pads of my fingers instead of the tips (so slow!), and I guess I will just pray that these beauties stay nice til Saturday night!!  Or else I may be FORCED to go again....

Wendy and The City!

Well, I don't even know where to start! A mini-break from the blog so I could go on the most amazing, spectacular vacation I could have ever dreamed of!

New York City, NYC, The Big Apple, The City That Never Sleeps!!  I would say this trip turned out to be one of the best weeks of my life.  I love for husband for planning it, and I really can't thank him enough (though I'm sure he'll figure out a way for me to repay him!).

I'm sure I already rambled on enough about this trip already, but it seriously was at the top of my bucket list.  I really never thought I would ever get to go, and I was more than overwhelmed with the amount of stuff we got to do.

We hit every section of Manhattan including a very sketchy trip to China Town to get some very awesome (but fake) Coach & Prada purses! Todd got so excited with all the action that he got involved too and got himself a might-fine "Rolex".  We looked like royalty walking around with all of our 'name brand' stuff (and walmart tshirts! LOL).

It did teach me a lesson though...there are so many knock-offs in that city that even bums on the street had Prada sunglasses.  It really put into perspective for me that while it's fun to have, it's not as 'special' to me as it once one. Like a big eye-opener that life isn't about the "stuff"....especially when everyone else has the same stuff!

I'm reading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth (like 10 years late, I know) but I had just started reading about peoples obsession with stuff and this quote stuck to me....

"As a spiritual practice, I suggest that you investigate your

relationship with the world of things through self-observation"

I was desperate to get the knock-offs. It was a must-do on our trip. Society says I must have the nice purse! But I noticed that as each day passed in NYC, my 'Coach' purse seemed less and less special. The first day I wore it, I was like "look at me and my awesome COACH purse".  I made sure the logo faced out, and wore that damn purse with all the pride in the world. Then I realized nobody gave a shit about my coach purse, because they had one too! Now, don't get me wrong...I will never EVER refuse a good name brand purse (I'm not dumb) but it's like you struggle to get that big thing that you MUST have and then when you get it, it doesn't seem so special anymore.  So then you go...uh, probably could have saved some money and went to Walmart!

I have a REAL (seriously) Prada bag that Todd bought me a few years ago.  From the moment I got it, I was almost terrified to take it out of the house.  I didn't want to get it dirty, or break the zipper, or worse...lose it!  It was a big deal to get it. I'm not even sure why because most of my clothes come from Walmart or Reitmans, and most of the time spending $20.00 for a pair of pants feels like a complete rip-off.  But OMG I love my Prada purse!  But such weird relationship I have with that friggin thing. It's REAL (honestly!) but I feel like when I use it in Halifax people are going to think it's fake (because I'm usually in my walmart tshirts and jeans!).  I almost feel like I should carry the receipt around to show people! (See!! SEE!! It's REAL!).  And on the flip side, now that I have a fake, I feel like people know it's fake and I'm kind of ashamed of it?! I don't know....blame stupid Cosmo magazine.  I want what I can't have and then when I have it I don't want it anymore!  In the book he mentions how everyone strives for the biggest/nicest home or car, or PURSE...but when EVERYONE has the same...where do you go from there?  In the end, you either strive higher to keep stroking your ego, or you begin to realize that your 'stuff' doesn't really matter.

Either way, I'm still super happy that I have my bags...but I think my constant drooling over them may soon disappear.

Back to the trip!! We saw a Broadway show, Cirque du Soleil, a comedy show. We saw them filming Gossip Girl. I got to see The Naked Cowboy, and a random dude in the streets with an 8 foot snake. I really could live there. I'd only be able to afford a cardboard box, but hey, who needs 'stuff' like a house anyway?!

We went to the Museum of Sex (fun!), the Guggenheim (boring!!), and the Museum of Natural History (neat!).  We went to the top of the Empire State Building and Top of the Rock. Saw the sets for SNL, Dr. Oz, and Jimmy Fallon.  It was a BLAST!!!!!

We laughed, we cried, there was even a fight or two (or three) (or four). We were sweaty and sore, I lived on muscle relaxers for the week and could hardly see my feet through the band-aids. 
I really couldn't have asked for a better trip or a better husband to do it all with!

Two Turtles

It's our 10 year anniversary today!!!  For anyone who's known us that is a HUGE accomplishment!!
I was pretty sure I'd be divorced by the time I was 30, and that's in November, so I really think I'm running out of time...*kidding...sort of?!*

It's funny that as the years go by we sort of get better and better....like wine (or so they say, cause I still can't find one I like!).  I love him more and more as I see my previously-very-immature husband grow into a real man. He loves me more and more with each beer he drinks (funny how that works?!)

He calls when he's going to be late, he announces his plans well in advance versus the 2 minutes of notice I used to get.  He asks if I want help with laundry....he ASKS!!!!!!  Holy crap!
He's on kid-duty in the morning. He cares about what the yard looks like, where two years ago we might as well have bought some goats to take care of it. 

Maybe this should be more of a "Todd's getting more mature" post...but let me get back to the reasons I love him!  (it's ok, groan...I would)

It's awesome to watch him get teary-eyed when he pretends not to be. I love that, even though he'd never admit it, he loves babies as much as I do.  He's stubborn as molasses, always has to be right, hates not having the last word....he's so much like me how can I not love him!?

I was 19 when we got married. He was 26 (and yes, do the math, he's obviously a pervert too!).  I'm not even sure how we decided to get married. There was no fancy proposal, or romantic evening to celebrate.  I think it sort of went like "...hmm, we are living together, and already have a kid...should we get married?!", and that was from me.  I vaguely remember the warmth of him peeing himself right there on the spot...
Somehow, he agreed to it and the next thing you know we were picking out rings together. 
Being the responsible people that we are, we used part of my student loan to buy a ring and pay for a good chunk of the wedding.  Next thing I knew, I was running with it. We (I) made our own invitations, flower bouquets, decorations, party favors, and programs.  I went, by myself, to try on wedding dresses....I hate to shop.  I flipped through the dresses on the rack, grabbed one I like that my size and BAM...I had my wedding dress. It didn't even need to be altered.  I guess that's what happens when you are a size 5 *sigh*.

I was so absolutely, beyond terrified that day.  I was partly excited, part nervous, part unsure, part ready to throw up.  I remember getting to the alter and then my nerves kicked in and the rest of the ceremony is a big blur.  Do you Wendy, take Todd...blah, blah, blah. I don't even know what I vowed to do?  Am I supposed to love and honor? Or cherish and obey?! If it's the latter, then the vows have definitely been broken!!  One of these days I'm going to make him resay our vows...I'm sure he'll LOVE that!!! :-0

Our ceremony left little to the imagination....huge rainstorm, complete with lighting/thunder and a power outage.  We can candles in the bathroom so people could see while they peed and someone threw their paper towel on the flame...resulting in a "small" bathroom fire. OOPS!  Two drunk uncles, one fell and broke his nose.  I had a stranger from the attached bar come up to me and ask me who I was! Our friends jumped into the lake, we had fireworks (despite the rain, they actually went off), no speeches, or dance (no power remember!).  Let's just say for the first 9.99 years I was NOT ok with it. 
But as Oprah would say (my lord, I miss that woman).....forgiveness is letting go of the fact that the past can be changed.  I spent lots of years feeling ripped off, one of few big moments in my life and it was "ruined"...but as I look back now I really wouldn't change a thing.  Because of the power/no dance, our friends circled us and sang our wedding song while everyone held candles.  Can't say that happens at every wedding!! I've been to plenty of weddings and I can remember few details, but I've had plenty of people say "oh my god, your wedding was awesome".  More for them, than for me at the time but I get it!  How often do you jump in a lake at wedding and walk around dripping wet in your suit?

The night ended great with a carriage ride through downtown, and lets just say that the hotel room was a rockin', so nobody came knockin'...;-)

We've been together for thirteen years.  I still remember our first kisses, and the stupid lines he pulled to make me fall in love. There's a turtle story that every teenage boy should know because it really works. And while I'm SURE I wasn't the only girl who got that cheesy line, I'm sure I'm the last one that heard it from him and that's all that matters...

                                 "Let me tell you a story about two turtles who live on an island

(puts his hands inside my open palms)

One day there was an earthquake and the island split apart

(pull the hands apart)

The turtles decided to climb up the mountain of the islands to see each other

(starts climbing hands up my arms, and looks into my eyes)

Why are we still talking about turtles?"

Cheese-balls!!!!!!  But it worked...

Still luvs ya babe!

(Don't we both look a little TERRIFIED!)

Only the Beginning!

My son graduates today....from Grade 6.  It's not the "BIG ONE" but it's enough to make me realize life is flying by way to fast!!  Maybe I shouldn't have wished all those Mondays away...

He's almost as tall as me, size 7 (mens!) shoes, he's getting pimples, his voice is getting deeper, he hates me at least once a day and I can hardly do anything right anymore....I think he's turning into a teenager!!

I count my blessing though, cause he'll still kiss me goodnight, and give me a hug (when I ask!). He's helpful, he's funny, he's pretty awesome to hang out with still.  He stinks sometimes, which I could do without, but hey at least he'll still sit on the same couch as me right!

Junior High is scary, there's a lot of firsts that are about to happen....and I can't stop them!! So far he plays like he hates the ladies *ALOT*....no use for them at all. However, a gaggle of girls showed up at the house the other day looking for him and he could hardly keep the smirk off his face when he told me he "didn't want to talk to them".  I'm not dumb by the way. I shooed them away but like stray cats they lingered.... (Someone's parents really need to explain that lingering around for boys is STUPID!!)

Mother of the Year award here....I let my kids watch "Intervention" as a deterrent to drugs.  I guess I'll never really know if it works or not, but I have put the fear in them. I talk to them about the gross scabs the meth-heads have on their faces/bodys.  We talk about what chemicals are used when they make the drugs.  Our neighbour grows pot (with a license) but we talk about how dumb he is from smoking it so much, and how gross his house stinks. I think I've covered my tracks on the drug scene....at least I hope so?!  It also helps that my crazy-ass neighbour is a raging alcoholic and the kids see how stupid she is too.

He is so very smart, and has such an interest in learning that I see him being ok.  He's not in the nerd group, not in the uber-popular group, he's sort of in the middle...just where I want him.  His friends are (mostly) normal, and they are all reasonably well behaved.  I've made an "in" with his best friend and he'll tell me pretty much anything I want to know about Jeremy.  Like I know he doesn't have a girlfriend, but he sort of likes Savannah.  He plays soccer at lunch , and doesn't hang out by the stairs like the rest of them.
Just stuff I can keep my eye on.

He's growing up, I have no choice but to let my baby go!  And since Todd is refusing to reverse his vasectomy I guess I won't be having another baby (with him anyway! ;-))  I will only be able to rely on my friends who are popping out babies.  There's the good ol' perk with that one though....I get to give those babies BACK when the cry!

Next will be driving, and prom, and the BIG graduation....then marriage to the worst-daughter-in-law-EVER (my luck, I just know it!), and then grandbabies....geez... I need a drink.

To the best son a mom could ask for...I wish you nothing but the best and I know you'll achieve whatever you set your mind too!! (So long as it's not a pro-wrestler!!)

XOXO
Mommy!***ROLLS EYES*** Fine then, just call me Mom....

Monday Morning

It’s Monday morning, 8:15am, and as I type this I’m supposed to be working on a presentation for my boss.  I have to take an 83 page word document and make a slideshow for her.  BUT…it can’t be too wordy, the pages can’t be too full, she wants it to be like 25 pages long.  Apparently I’m supposed to also read her mind because she just said “leave in the important stuff”…well as far as I’m concerned it’s ALL important or it wouldn’t be in the presentation?!  Right?  Maybe?! I dunno, it’s Monday morning…I’m just thinking that if out of 83 pages only 25 or so are important than the presentation must suck!

Oh, did I mention that due to my very well tuned procrastination skills that I now have 1.5 days to get it completed!  She gave me a month to do five of these. Well the first four were easy enough, only 25 or so pages long to begin with so I flew through them. I was done those a week and a half ago. Then I opened this bad boy and realized how friggin big it is so I closed it.  I opened it again the next day, stared at it for a few minutes, and then closed it again. Then I opened it, saved it to my desktop, and closed it again.

So far I’ve opened and closed it twice already this morning!  I sort of started and then deleted everything and started again.  

I’m also in vacation-mode. NYC is 5 more sleeps!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!

(PS.  To any burglars who read this and think they can break in to my house….I have three very large (VICIOUS) attack dogs, just waiting…and I haven’t fed them in weeks! And angry snakes, and rabid wolves in the basement)

So, I’m in la-la-land…planning, dreaming, planning, making lists, dreaming some more.  I’m pretty convinced I’ll run into at least one celebrity, but I’ll be way too shy to say anything (seriously!, I know it doesn’t make much sense but it’s true) so I’ve been planning conversations in my head.  Like what I’d say if I saw Regis Philbin, or what I would say if I ran into Lady Gaga.  “Oh, hi Ms. Gaga, how lovely to see you, is that condoms and spikes on your dress?”…I think I have to keep working on that!!  

Back to my PowerPoint…who wants to do it for me??  Come on?! Anyone??????

I’ll pay you… (In love and appreciation!)

Fine…never mind, I guess I’ll do it myself.  

Hi-ho, hi-ho, off to work I...oh, look….new updates on Facebook!

hec·tic

Also known as frantic, frenzied, wild, chaotic.

I have so much to do and I'm sure not where to start so what do I do?  Watch TV.

In the next two weeks, I have my daughter's birthday party, my son's grade 6 graduation, family pictures, our anniversary, I have to pack for the kids' trip to PEI, and I have to pack for our trip to NYC.  Now, none of this is any hard task on it's own, but when I pile it all on top of my overwhelming loads of laundry, and sink full of dirty dishes I sorta freak out.  And what happens when I freak out?? I watch TV.

In the mix of all of this, I forgot about my daughter's party so I scrambled on the weekend to get invitations and party supplies.  I ordered the cake today.  We're having the party on Thursday night. Seems weird for a 9 year old but it's literally the only decent amount of time I can do it, and I don't want her to be rushed. (Plus there's no good TV on Thursdays this time of year!)

The kids go to PEI with my mama for the summer.  I guess I shouldn't give her full credit, they also spend time with my grandparents and Todd's parents too. This year is the first year since the d.i.v.o.r.c.e....so it should be an interesting one.  I think the kids are both waiting for Grampy to show up for supper but I get the feeling that isn't going to happen this year!!  So anyway, they go for about 8 weeks.  It's very tricky trying to pack for two kids that are going to live in a not-so-big camper for the summer.  Can't send too much stuff or my mother freaks out...don't send enough and my mother freak out!! LOL.  I hate bringing half-empty (half-full!!) bottles of shampoo, toothpaste, etc. So I end up going out and buying all new stuff to pack.  Then there's the tylenol, and bug spray, and suntan lotion too.  Of course, they can't agree on the same toys to take so there's a kitbag each of stuff they won't touch except for maybe rainy days.  Plus there's bikes and helmets and skateboards and scooters!!

Then there's our trip to NYC.  OMG!!! SQUEAAL!!!!! Ok, I need a minute........
This is quite possibly the biggest thing on my bucket list.  The buildings, the sights, the sounds, the chaos....I just can't wait to soak it all up.  Did I mention purses?! It's our 10 year anniversary and this will be our first "real" honeymoon.  Our first was a love-fest in Charlottetown PEI for two days and we could hardly afford breakfasts!!   So this is going to be the big one! FIREWORKS...and not just in our hotel room cause we'll be there for the 4th of July too!

So as I type this, lists run through my head.  I need to pack this and that, and ooh, don't forget about the extra blankets for the kids, and make sure you remember your strapless bra.  Contacts, solution, sunglasses, razor, sandals, sneakers, passports....crap don't forget the PASSPORTS!!!  I haven't even been to yoga in a week because I can't focus on anything else but my to-do lists.

I really should be writing this down, but I can't right now....I'm already an hour behind on The Bachelorette and I need to catch up!!!