More to come people, more to come...
Monday, 23 June 2014
Monday, 14 April 2014
Adaptation
Life tends to throw me a load of bricks every few months as if to say, "Screw You Wendy!! Here's more than you can handle".
I used to think it was just my crappy life and I'd never have anything decent happen to me. Just was what it was. Meant to be. Suck it up buttercup.
Then a wheelbarrow fulls of bricks came my way and I realised that it wasn't just my crappy life, it was also the way I dealt with my crappy life.
I shut down. I close off. I avoid. I deny. I procrastinate. I cry. I eat my feelings. Then I repeat the process until the bricks break me down. Then I melt down, sort of fix things, and then move on until the next load of bricks.
Upon much sole searching, a meltdown in front of my grandparents, and a massive push from a few close friends/Jeff, I decided to go the doctor to see about anti-depressants. It was not my first choice, but it just got to the point where I really, really, REALLY couldn't function. I was crying all the time, bursting out in tears for no particular reason. I used to have to leave work for a "coffee run" just so I could cry without the stares. I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping. It was a fight to just function to the best of my very limited ability.
A few people kept saying "eat better"...okay, thanks for that but I can't afford to. People would say "exercise more"...okay, except I can't afford the gas to get to my FREE yoga classes. Then there's the ultimate..."just snap out of it"...sure, I'll just go right ahead a do that. THANK YOU...now fuck off.
So it turns out, my doctor recommended an anti-anxiety medication over an anti-depressant...HA!! Bet none of you saw that coming!
Next came the three months of constant doctor appointments to try to figure out my doses. Up, down, Up again. Follow ups every 2 weeks, prescription refills, a new medication to help me sleep. I thought these pills were supposed to REDUCE the stress?! I was loopy for the first week or so after every dose change. I was passing out cold at weird hours of the day. Just dead to the world, wake up with drool dried to my face and wonder what happened over the last few hours. Sleeping weird hours was causing me to stay up late, which made me sleep past my alarm, and late for work. MORE STRESS. Some days I just make up reasons I was late, but everyone knows its because I frigging slept thru my alarm AGAIN. Walking into work knowing this just added to the anxiety and panic so I started calling in sick instead of being late. Take an entire day off just to avoid the anxiety of admitting I slept in. Makes sooo much sense.
Then my sick leave ran out. Next up, leave without pay. Awesomesauce. Cause THAT's what I need right now. But screw it. I did what I thought I needed to do to get myself out of this funk.
By that point, the medication was definitely starting to work. I was feeling more and more like my old self. Just tired as hell but at least I was mostly getting back to my usual lazy self instead of my zombie self.
Huge progress in my eyes for sure!
I was beginning to "deal" with life again. Slowly, but surely, I began to adapt and finally start crossing some issues off my list. I had a massive screw up occur with my house/car insurance (their fault, not mine)...but I dealt with it. Got myself some new insurance. Check that off the list! I was able to pay off some debt thanks to my tax return...that was a huge load lifted. I started to be able see past the gloom and doom of my life. I made some changes to our lifestyle to cut costs...bye bye home phone and cable. It's amazing how easily one can survive without 3876 channels to be overwhelmed by. I got a tutor for Jeremy instead of freaking out over his failing math scores. He rocked out a 88% this term so that paid off completely.
I returned the phone calls I'd be procrastinating on. I answered emails I was avoiding. I clean up my paperwork. I decluttered. I stopped buying stuff I didn't need. I overcame the issue of lack of storage in the house by getting rid of enough clothes that I'm down to one dresser, no containers full of stuff I'll never wear anyway. I threw out those "funeral and wedding" clothes. I read up on living a "minimalist" life style and came to the conclusion that I don't NEED anything more than what I have. I bought tablecloths from the dollar store and used them as curtains instead of dishing out $60 at Walmart for real ones. I overcame a lot of the stresses in my life.
I'm now six months in on these medications...one I'm hardly using anymore and the other I'm about to take a step down on the dose. I'm not one to push meds, we have so much of it shoved down our throats as it is. But when life is so out of control that you cannot function then something has to give.
I'm not sure I will ever be able to fully and properly deal with my anxiety, but I know I've made progress. Baby steps...
When life gets tough, adapt to it. If that means stealing food from your ex's house when he's not home to reduce your grocery bill then so be it. If he gets a security system installed then adapt to that too...slyly ask the kids what the code is...and BOOM...you're in like flynn.
I mean...for example. :-0
I used to think it was just my crappy life and I'd never have anything decent happen to me. Just was what it was. Meant to be. Suck it up buttercup.
Then a wheelbarrow fulls of bricks came my way and I realised that it wasn't just my crappy life, it was also the way I dealt with my crappy life.
I shut down. I close off. I avoid. I deny. I procrastinate. I cry. I eat my feelings. Then I repeat the process until the bricks break me down. Then I melt down, sort of fix things, and then move on until the next load of bricks.
Upon much sole searching, a meltdown in front of my grandparents, and a massive push from a few close friends/Jeff, I decided to go the doctor to see about anti-depressants. It was not my first choice, but it just got to the point where I really, really, REALLY couldn't function. I was crying all the time, bursting out in tears for no particular reason. I used to have to leave work for a "coffee run" just so I could cry without the stares. I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping. It was a fight to just function to the best of my very limited ability.
A few people kept saying "eat better"...okay, thanks for that but I can't afford to. People would say "exercise more"...okay, except I can't afford the gas to get to my FREE yoga classes. Then there's the ultimate..."just snap out of it"...sure, I'll just go right ahead a do that. THANK YOU...now fuck off.
So it turns out, my doctor recommended an anti-anxiety medication over an anti-depressant...HA!! Bet none of you saw that coming!
Next came the three months of constant doctor appointments to try to figure out my doses. Up, down, Up again. Follow ups every 2 weeks, prescription refills, a new medication to help me sleep. I thought these pills were supposed to REDUCE the stress?! I was loopy for the first week or so after every dose change. I was passing out cold at weird hours of the day. Just dead to the world, wake up with drool dried to my face and wonder what happened over the last few hours. Sleeping weird hours was causing me to stay up late, which made me sleep past my alarm, and late for work. MORE STRESS. Some days I just make up reasons I was late, but everyone knows its because I frigging slept thru my alarm AGAIN. Walking into work knowing this just added to the anxiety and panic so I started calling in sick instead of being late. Take an entire day off just to avoid the anxiety of admitting I slept in. Makes sooo much sense.
Then my sick leave ran out. Next up, leave without pay. Awesomesauce. Cause THAT's what I need right now. But screw it. I did what I thought I needed to do to get myself out of this funk.
By that point, the medication was definitely starting to work. I was feeling more and more like my old self. Just tired as hell but at least I was mostly getting back to my usual lazy self instead of my zombie self.
Huge progress in my eyes for sure!
I was beginning to "deal" with life again. Slowly, but surely, I began to adapt and finally start crossing some issues off my list. I had a massive screw up occur with my house/car insurance (their fault, not mine)...but I dealt with it. Got myself some new insurance. Check that off the list! I was able to pay off some debt thanks to my tax return...that was a huge load lifted. I started to be able see past the gloom and doom of my life. I made some changes to our lifestyle to cut costs...bye bye home phone and cable. It's amazing how easily one can survive without 3876 channels to be overwhelmed by. I got a tutor for Jeremy instead of freaking out over his failing math scores. He rocked out a 88% this term so that paid off completely.
I returned the phone calls I'd be procrastinating on. I answered emails I was avoiding. I clean up my paperwork. I decluttered. I stopped buying stuff I didn't need. I overcame the issue of lack of storage in the house by getting rid of enough clothes that I'm down to one dresser, no containers full of stuff I'll never wear anyway. I threw out those "funeral and wedding" clothes. I read up on living a "minimalist" life style and came to the conclusion that I don't NEED anything more than what I have. I bought tablecloths from the dollar store and used them as curtains instead of dishing out $60 at Walmart for real ones. I overcame a lot of the stresses in my life.
I'm now six months in on these medications...one I'm hardly using anymore and the other I'm about to take a step down on the dose. I'm not one to push meds, we have so much of it shoved down our throats as it is. But when life is so out of control that you cannot function then something has to give.
I'm not sure I will ever be able to fully and properly deal with my anxiety, but I know I've made progress. Baby steps...
When life gets tough, adapt to it. If that means stealing food from your ex's house when he's not home to reduce your grocery bill then so be it. If he gets a security system installed then adapt to that too...slyly ask the kids what the code is...and BOOM...you're in like flynn.
I mean...for example. :-0
Wednesday, 26 March 2014
Juanabe
It's 8:20am...it's a snow day. Like a legit, official, work is closed type of day. And it's not even snowing yet. It's like Christmas morning to me!
The plan was set in motion last night...let the kids stay up late so they'd sleep in! CHECK!
Wake up to a text from my boss saying no work. CHECK!!
Get another text that school is closed. (Captain Obvious...thank you HRSB) CHECK!
Get up early to rush to Tim's to load up on coffee before the snow started. CHECK!!
Go to Two If By Sea and get a croissant for breakfast. CHECK!!! (Warm and fresh from the oven...BONUS!!)
Get home and enjoy the peace and quiet until the kids get up....ahhhhhhh....silence.
We are awaiting the storm of the year, it's coming...my cat says so. She's a nutjob right now. Claws and a pending storm make for an interesting night. I think I'm prepared...food, candles, I have the heat cranked so if the power goes out its that much longer before we freeze to death. Did I mention coffee? Lots of coffee!!
It's like the karma gods have aligned and set up my day for perfection. Good coffee, great croissant, silence, power (so far), and a paid day off. Life is sweet!
I even have a bottle of wine for when the kids wake up. For me, not them!! Cabin fever is easier to handle when you're tipsy.
My roof may not stay on...but that's a whole other story.
The plan was set in motion last night...let the kids stay up late so they'd sleep in! CHECK!
Wake up to a text from my boss saying no work. CHECK!!
Get another text that school is closed. (Captain Obvious...thank you HRSB) CHECK!
Get up early to rush to Tim's to load up on coffee before the snow started. CHECK!!
Go to Two If By Sea and get a croissant for breakfast. CHECK!!! (Warm and fresh from the oven...BONUS!!)
Get home and enjoy the peace and quiet until the kids get up....ahhhhhhh....silence.
We are awaiting the storm of the year, it's coming...my cat says so. She's a nutjob right now. Claws and a pending storm make for an interesting night. I think I'm prepared...food, candles, I have the heat cranked so if the power goes out its that much longer before we freeze to death. Did I mention coffee? Lots of coffee!!
It's like the karma gods have aligned and set up my day for perfection. Good coffee, great croissant, silence, power (so far), and a paid day off. Life is sweet!
I even have a bottle of wine for when the kids wake up. For me, not them!! Cabin fever is easier to handle when you're tipsy.
My roof may not stay on...but that's a whole other story.
Saturday, 4 January 2014
New Year New ME 2014
Holy bananas batman...I have been horribly neglectful of this blog. It's such a mental drain on me sometimes that I just push it to the back burner and wish to the blog gods that it just writes itself. So far not luck. I find it very therapeutic to write, y'all know I have no filter so this is sort of a diary for me. But the last nine months or so of my life have been a complete roller coaster and very time consuming to say the least.
1. Divorce...well not quite, separated but it's only that dumb piece of paper we are waiting for. (procrastinating on because I am broke and can't afford it)
2. Dating life...uhhhhhhh....boys suck. Have you surfed a dating website lately? It's all wang shots and cheesy one-liners. First of all, it's not that big, wangs aren't cute, nobody wants to see them, and taking the picture at ridiculously weird angles does not make me want it more. Boys...DO NOT SEND WANG SHOTS. You just look like an idiot when you do. Plus we show everyone and then laugh about it.
3. I have a teenage boy...enough said.
4. I also have a preteen girl...shoot me now. Seriously. Just put me out of my misery. Please.
5. Mental stress...antidepressants required. No joke. Not my ideal fix, but will blog more on that later.
6. Yoga...non-existent...partial due to mental stress (oxymoron I know), partially due to the fact that I can't afford the gas to drive my arse to the studio. (see #7)
7. Money woes...nobody told me getting a divorce, moving out on my own, buying a crappy fixer-upper house, replacing all my stuff and paying all the bills would be so hard. It all looked good on paper. It's not. I am BROKE. Not like "Oh, I have my credit card to fall back on" broke...but "Cards are maxed, I don't make enough money, I need to re-adjust my spending habits quickly before my lights get shut off" broke. I barely live paycheck to paycheck, and I've had my fair share of skipped meals in the last few months. (see #8)
8. Lifestyle change...due to previously mentioned money woes a lot of things have changed or are in the process of being changed. Cable is gone, new clothes are gone, Christmas was slashed in half, I'm learning to say NO, and learning to stick to it. It has not been easy, it's been quick frustrating to have to constantly explain myself to the people who don't like to hear NO. It's not that I don't want to go to dinner with you or go shopping with you, it's that I just cannot afford it. So stop asking. Please. Unless you want to pay, then I'm always up for a free coffee. My besties know the real deal, and now you do to. It's been a hard process. I've slipped and tripped all over myself. I overspend and then feel like crap about it. I understand what I need to do, but that doesn't mean I'm good at it. Me and budgets don't work well together. I'm forgetful, I rush, I have an impulsive devil resting on my shoulder. I'm doing my best but need the patience and understanding from my friends that it's not going to be easy. Don't ask me to do ANYTHING!!! Cause I'm living in a hole from now til I dig myself out. If I go out and do something, believe me, something else is suffering because of it...or I'm not the one footing the bill.
9. It's definitely not all gloom and doom...in the mix of all of this BS, I somehow managed to stumble upon a mythical creature that I did not believe existed. A NICE, FUNNY, AMAZING GUY!!! I really thought they were like unicorns or mermaids. Imagine my surprise when he actually accepted and encouraged my mild (moderate?) craziness. He is fun, he is funny, he loves me, he loves my kids. He is smart, just the right amount of stubborn (most of the time), puts me in my place when I need it, and can calm me down with just a few words and a hug. I have no anxiety when he is around. My heart aches when we have to spend a night apart so I am very thankful that those nights are far and few in between. He is the most caring, quirky, lovable man I've ever met. I love him, I love his kids, I adore his family, and I look forward to living my life with him by my side. It's been six short months, but it feels like a lifetime. He has changed my life for the better in a way that I never thought could happen to me. This stuff only happens in the movies that I cry at or in some dumb romance novel that I gag my way through. Except it actually happened to ME! And believe me, we've seen the best and worst of each other, I'm not living with rose colored glasses on. We have, to the core, experienced each others bests and worsts. Through all of this he still keeps showing up at my house each night, so I think he's a keeper! xoxo
1. Divorce...well not quite, separated but it's only that dumb piece of paper we are waiting for. (procrastinating on because I am broke and can't afford it)
2. Dating life...uhhhhhhh....boys suck. Have you surfed a dating website lately? It's all wang shots and cheesy one-liners. First of all, it's not that big, wangs aren't cute, nobody wants to see them, and taking the picture at ridiculously weird angles does not make me want it more. Boys...DO NOT SEND WANG SHOTS. You just look like an idiot when you do. Plus we show everyone and then laugh about it.
3. I have a teenage boy...enough said.
4. I also have a preteen girl...shoot me now. Seriously. Just put me out of my misery. Please.
5. Mental stress...antidepressants required. No joke. Not my ideal fix, but will blog more on that later.
6. Yoga...non-existent...partial due to mental stress (oxymoron I know), partially due to the fact that I can't afford the gas to drive my arse to the studio. (see #7)
7. Money woes...nobody told me getting a divorce, moving out on my own, buying a crappy fixer-upper house, replacing all my stuff and paying all the bills would be so hard. It all looked good on paper. It's not. I am BROKE. Not like "Oh, I have my credit card to fall back on" broke...but "Cards are maxed, I don't make enough money, I need to re-adjust my spending habits quickly before my lights get shut off" broke. I barely live paycheck to paycheck, and I've had my fair share of skipped meals in the last few months. (see #8)
8. Lifestyle change...due to previously mentioned money woes a lot of things have changed or are in the process of being changed. Cable is gone, new clothes are gone, Christmas was slashed in half, I'm learning to say NO, and learning to stick to it. It has not been easy, it's been quick frustrating to have to constantly explain myself to the people who don't like to hear NO. It's not that I don't want to go to dinner with you or go shopping with you, it's that I just cannot afford it. So stop asking. Please. Unless you want to pay, then I'm always up for a free coffee. My besties know the real deal, and now you do to. It's been a hard process. I've slipped and tripped all over myself. I overspend and then feel like crap about it. I understand what I need to do, but that doesn't mean I'm good at it. Me and budgets don't work well together. I'm forgetful, I rush, I have an impulsive devil resting on my shoulder. I'm doing my best but need the patience and understanding from my friends that it's not going to be easy. Don't ask me to do ANYTHING!!! Cause I'm living in a hole from now til I dig myself out. If I go out and do something, believe me, something else is suffering because of it...or I'm not the one footing the bill.
9. It's definitely not all gloom and doom...in the mix of all of this BS, I somehow managed to stumble upon a mythical creature that I did not believe existed. A NICE, FUNNY, AMAZING GUY!!! I really thought they were like unicorns or mermaids. Imagine my surprise when he actually accepted and encouraged my mild (moderate?) craziness. He is fun, he is funny, he loves me, he loves my kids. He is smart, just the right amount of stubborn (most of the time), puts me in my place when I need it, and can calm me down with just a few words and a hug. I have no anxiety when he is around. My heart aches when we have to spend a night apart so I am very thankful that those nights are far and few in between. He is the most caring, quirky, lovable man I've ever met. I love him, I love his kids, I adore his family, and I look forward to living my life with him by my side. It's been six short months, but it feels like a lifetime. He has changed my life for the better in a way that I never thought could happen to me. This stuff only happens in the movies that I cry at or in some dumb romance novel that I gag my way through. Except it actually happened to ME! And believe me, we've seen the best and worst of each other, I'm not living with rose colored glasses on. We have, to the core, experienced each others bests and worsts. Through all of this he still keeps showing up at my house each night, so I think he's a keeper! xoxo
Wednesday, 23 October 2013
Me.
My life has changed. For the better.
I am in love.
I am happy.
I am grateful.
I am content.
I am living life.
I am finally being me.
Tuesday, 17 September 2013
Summer Rush
I finally understand why I find it so hard to blog in the summer....lack of inspiration AKA the kids aren't here to drive me wildly cuckoo mad.
This conversation just occurred:
Wendy: Jeremy, the school called and said you had detention for forgetting your gym clothes AGAIN. (One week into school...shoot me now)
Jeremy: yeah
Wendy: Well...what happened?
Jeremy: I didn't have a kitbag here.
Wendy: You could have used a sobeys bag.
Jeremy: Uh...I don't want to have to DRAG around a sobeys bag.
Wendy: Wouldn't that be easier than having detention?
Jeremy: It wasn't detention, it was study hall.
Wendy: OK...well was it worth an hour of your time in STUDY HALL?!?!
Jeremy: It was 45 mins.
Wendy: WAS IT WORTH IT?!?!
Jeremy: Yes.
-------------------------------
Riddle me that?
I hate teenagers.
Friday, 2 August 2013
Baby B's Birth Story
The stork has arrived once again!
Friday, the 19th of July, I got the long overdue call that Mama M's water had broken. According to the estimate date she was approximately 10 days overdue, which probably felt like 100 days to Mama M. I'm not sure there are many things worse than being overdue in the dead of summer.
Mama M & Daddy J went to the hospital to get checked out. Sure enough, the time had finally arrived and I was called to go to the hospital at 11:30pm to what was sure to be a fast labour. By this point she was already 3 cms dilated and 75% effaced (thinning of the cervix, has to be 100%). She was well on her way, and the contractions were already at 2-2 1/2 mins apart and lasting 45 seconds of more. On paper...this was huge.
M's breathing was priceless. She could write a book about proper breathing techniques for birth. Actually, J could write a book about proper coaching and breathing as well. I have never witnessed a couple as in sync as they were. It was actually very moving to see. Even at the peak of her pain, there were still hugs and kisses and sweethearts and darlings. They breathed together as one as they waltz in place during all the contractions.
Fast forward through about 5 hours of walking and swaying back and forth thru contractions...
It was early morning and the pain was getting worse. As always, there's generally a shift in the way the mother reacts as she gets closer and closer to the goal of 10cms. There was such a shift that it really seemed like she would at least be 8cms...not so. But she was at 5cms. Progress at least?!
It was now 5am on Saturday and nobody had slept since Friday morning. Patience was wearing thin and the dreaded defeat hit. This was going to be a long labour. Mama M decided to opt for some Fentanyl to help ease some pain. It was part of her birth plan to have a drug free delivery, but that's not always achievable with long labours. There's a reason it's called a birth plan though and not a birth contract...you are able to change your mind.
With the drugs able to relax her a bit, she drifted in and out of sleep for a few hours. By 9am, she received a 2nd dose of Fentanyl and they checked her cervix again. This time she was still stuck at 5/6...talk about defeat! By this time they decided to break her fore waters, which is the fluid that remains trapped between the baby's head and cervix. Breaking this can be useful in creating more pressure on the cervix to help it dilate, but can also be a cause for the cervix to not dilate uniformly and can cause swelling...catch 22 really. You don't know whether it's going to help or not until it's done.
Guess what...it didn't help. By noon, after another cervix check, she was still 6cms and now her cervix was swollen, plus she now had a fever. The decision was made that she had approx. 2hrs to progress or it would be an immediate C-section. An epidural was given it hopes that it would relax her enough to let her body do the work it needed to do.
Guess what...that DID help. By 1:30pm she was dilated to 9.5cms. I'm not a huge fan of epidurals...I'm barely a mediocre fan, but when used at the right time for the right situations they actually can do a good thing. In this case, it stopped a C-section from being performed.
By 3pm she was fully dilated, Mom & Dad took power naps to rest up for pushing. I ran downstairs and inhaled a sub for breakfast/lunch and by 4:30 she was starting to push.
This is were things get blurry....and graphic. *Readers be warned* (BABY IS FINE!)
After about 30-35 minutes of pushing, there was huge progress. The baby moved down nicely, crowned, and then the head was out. But all of a sudden then was an emergency page for "SHOULDER"...and in the blink of an eye the room was full of nurses and NICU staff. The baby's shoulder was stuck behind Mama's pubic bone. Shoulder dystocia...a very scary thing.
The baby is literally stuck in the vagina. With no room, the umbilical cord is squashed and the baby's lungs are also compressed so there is no way for the baby to get oxygen. The baby has to come out NOW.
You've never seen a pregnant lady in labour be moved so fast. Within 30 seconds, she was flipped onto her hands and knees, then back again, legs being pushed back, with a nurse pushing on her pubic bone with her whole body strength. The position changes more than often help to shift the baby.
The doctor then placed her hand up past the baby's head, into the vagina, grabbed a hold of the baby's arm and pulled. Out popped baby...a very blue/purple, limp baby. The NICU team took the baby right away and within 30 seconds the baby started to cry the tiniest, little gurgly cry I've ever heard. In the chaos of it all, it was confirmed that the baby was indeed a GIRL! It would take a few days in the NICU to come around, but in the end she was fine.
As quickly as it happened, it was like slow motion. By far, the scariest birth I've ever witness. By the end of it, it looks like a scene out of a movie. There was literally blood every where. I fully understand why it's recommended to have an extra change of clothes/shoes with you. It was insane. It was a learning experience I will never forget.
Overall, a scary yet beautiful birth. The parents were so in sync, the most active participation by the dad, the most grateful parents to just hold their little girl. It was a blessing to be a part of, and I look forward to the next time.
Friday, the 19th of July, I got the long overdue call that Mama M's water had broken. According to the estimate date she was approximately 10 days overdue, which probably felt like 100 days to Mama M. I'm not sure there are many things worse than being overdue in the dead of summer.
Mama M & Daddy J went to the hospital to get checked out. Sure enough, the time had finally arrived and I was called to go to the hospital at 11:30pm to what was sure to be a fast labour. By this point she was already 3 cms dilated and 75% effaced (thinning of the cervix, has to be 100%). She was well on her way, and the contractions were already at 2-2 1/2 mins apart and lasting 45 seconds of more. On paper...this was huge.
M's breathing was priceless. She could write a book about proper breathing techniques for birth. Actually, J could write a book about proper coaching and breathing as well. I have never witnessed a couple as in sync as they were. It was actually very moving to see. Even at the peak of her pain, there were still hugs and kisses and sweethearts and darlings. They breathed together as one as they waltz in place during all the contractions.
Fast forward through about 5 hours of walking and swaying back and forth thru contractions...
It was early morning and the pain was getting worse. As always, there's generally a shift in the way the mother reacts as she gets closer and closer to the goal of 10cms. There was such a shift that it really seemed like she would at least be 8cms...not so. But she was at 5cms. Progress at least?!
It was now 5am on Saturday and nobody had slept since Friday morning. Patience was wearing thin and the dreaded defeat hit. This was going to be a long labour. Mama M decided to opt for some Fentanyl to help ease some pain. It was part of her birth plan to have a drug free delivery, but that's not always achievable with long labours. There's a reason it's called a birth plan though and not a birth contract...you are able to change your mind.
With the drugs able to relax her a bit, she drifted in and out of sleep for a few hours. By 9am, she received a 2nd dose of Fentanyl and they checked her cervix again. This time she was still stuck at 5/6...talk about defeat! By this time they decided to break her fore waters, which is the fluid that remains trapped between the baby's head and cervix. Breaking this can be useful in creating more pressure on the cervix to help it dilate, but can also be a cause for the cervix to not dilate uniformly and can cause swelling...catch 22 really. You don't know whether it's going to help or not until it's done.
Guess what...it didn't help. By noon, after another cervix check, she was still 6cms and now her cervix was swollen, plus she now had a fever. The decision was made that she had approx. 2hrs to progress or it would be an immediate C-section. An epidural was given it hopes that it would relax her enough to let her body do the work it needed to do.
Guess what...that DID help. By 1:30pm she was dilated to 9.5cms. I'm not a huge fan of epidurals...I'm barely a mediocre fan, but when used at the right time for the right situations they actually can do a good thing. In this case, it stopped a C-section from being performed.
By 3pm she was fully dilated, Mom & Dad took power naps to rest up for pushing. I ran downstairs and inhaled a sub for breakfast/lunch and by 4:30 she was starting to push.
This is were things get blurry....and graphic. *Readers be warned* (BABY IS FINE!)
After about 30-35 minutes of pushing, there was huge progress. The baby moved down nicely, crowned, and then the head was out. But all of a sudden then was an emergency page for "SHOULDER"...and in the blink of an eye the room was full of nurses and NICU staff. The baby's shoulder was stuck behind Mama's pubic bone. Shoulder dystocia...a very scary thing.
The baby is literally stuck in the vagina. With no room, the umbilical cord is squashed and the baby's lungs are also compressed so there is no way for the baby to get oxygen. The baby has to come out NOW.
You've never seen a pregnant lady in labour be moved so fast. Within 30 seconds, she was flipped onto her hands and knees, then back again, legs being pushed back, with a nurse pushing on her pubic bone with her whole body strength. The position changes more than often help to shift the baby.
The doctor then placed her hand up past the baby's head, into the vagina, grabbed a hold of the baby's arm and pulled. Out popped baby...a very blue/purple, limp baby. The NICU team took the baby right away and within 30 seconds the baby started to cry the tiniest, little gurgly cry I've ever heard. In the chaos of it all, it was confirmed that the baby was indeed a GIRL! It would take a few days in the NICU to come around, but in the end she was fine.
As quickly as it happened, it was like slow motion. By far, the scariest birth I've ever witness. By the end of it, it looks like a scene out of a movie. There was literally blood every where. I fully understand why it's recommended to have an extra change of clothes/shoes with you. It was insane. It was a learning experience I will never forget.
Overall, a scary yet beautiful birth. The parents were so in sync, the most active participation by the dad, the most grateful parents to just hold their little girl. It was a blessing to be a part of, and I look forward to the next time.
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